Remembering The Whys

The last few months have been more than a bit overwhelming, to the point that I've had multiple doctors make sure that I was on anti-depressants or anxiety medicine just because of what they heard was going on with my kids.  I even had one doctor look at me and shake his head and say, "I honestly have no clue how you do it."  At times like this I recall to mind what a cousin with an autistic son once posted on Facebook, "I didn't know there was a choice."

But, with the help of a lot of Santas' little elves who are making a Christmas happen that seriously would not otherwise happen, I've been reminded again why I care so much about my kids (even on the beyond hard days). It took me six years to have Rose. Six years of tests, treatments, and tears (not including all the shots multiple times a day and all the various medication I had to take to get pregnant and stay pregnant).  I signed up to be a mom.  With all its glorious poopy diapers, vomit encrusted pillows, hugs, laughter and twinkling eyes.

Yesterday was an extremely difficult day for me. I've had insomnia the last several nights and I was dealing with a massive migraine, my ACL joint is out of whack for a week now, my own sensory overload, and I have to wait until the new year kicks off before I can see the chiropractor again about my collar bone being dislocated thanks to maxed out insurance. My kids were literally bouncing off the walls and each other. Then, as the kids were being corralled up to bed full of tears, screams and tantrums, some amazing people came by to make sure we were going to have a Christmas. And they weren't the only ones. Through the last few weeks I've had people take me aside to make sure that we were okay and that the kids would have something to open Christmas Day.  I even ran out of wrapping paper yesterday trying to wrap the two gifts we were able to get the kids ourselves. And by the end of the night we heard a knock on the door. I ran downstairs to find a roll of wrapping paper left by a friend and her family wishing us Happy Wrapping.

I sat down multiple times last night and cried. We are watched over. We are cared for. There are angels all around us. And its good to remember that I have three little angels with halos sometimes a skewed living right upstairs. I wanted them in my life and I went through hell to get them here. So like Bing Crosby in the movie White Christmas I started counting my blessings. Counting all the smiles, hugs, laughter and twinkling eyes that I've been blessed with over the last six and a half years. I wanted these children with all my heart, and I still do. They are my miracles, even when holidays mess with their routines and throw them out of sync.

And I'm grateful for all the wonderful friends, family, angels, and secret Santas in my life that make sure I remember the whys behind my life.

Making Science Fun

I have this amazing friend from up in Washington who is a scientist.  A year ago she came down to Utah to do a presentation for the teachers who came to Life, The Universe & Everything (LTUE) symposium.  I got to sit in on her presentation and quickly bought her book after seeing her make science become fun through experimenting on candy. (To read my review of her book click here: Candy Experiments.)



 I took the book home and started doing some of the experiments with my 6 year old daughter. Suddenly, my Rose wanted to become a scientist. She always wanted to do more and more candy experiments.

So when my friend asked me to trail test some recipes for her second book we jumped at the chance.  We had SO much fun seeing if the beta recipes would work as expected or not.  And I got to spend focused and engaging time with my Rose on something she loved.  It doesn't get much better than that.

Well, this week the publisher sent me a copy of Loralee's sequel, Candy Experiments 2.  As soon as I showed my daughter she went nuts.  We've already done a Pop Rocks experiment and today I picked up some more supplies so we can do more.  I even told Rose that if she would do everything I ask her to do in the morning, then when she got home from school we would do another experiment.  Oh my gosh!  It was the first day in months that she didn't fight me and did not throw tantrums.



So this is my book recommendation for parents and teachers out there. If you want to have a blast with you children, show them that science can be fun, and get rid of any excess of Halloween or Easter candy from your house, then you should really get these books and get right to work.

Happy Surprises

I've posted before how eventful it is to try and feed our children. They are beyond picky. Well last night I made chili and cornbread knowing fully that my kids would not eat it. As such, I made quesadillas for the kids to eat, but I still included cornbread and a dab of chili on the plates.  Halfway through dinner Juniper reaches over, grabs his dad's fork and starts eating the chili.  Frank was so flabbergasted he actually turned giddy.  I don't know which made me more happy--seeing my son eating something other than pizza, or pb&j,  or watching his dad react. It made my day.

Surprises

Illness has been spreading around our house for the last few weeks.  First it was colds and then it migrated into the stomach flu. Mom and Dad were the last ones to get it. So while three special needs kids ran rampant around the house my husband and I were doubled over or flat in bed.  Happy day.  On one of the few moments that I could climb out of bed and come downstairs to spend time with the kids I sat on the couch and watched the kids play.  After a little while Cyprus pulls out an alphabet book about Noah's Ark and starts to read it. He actually read it.  He's 4.  I was flabbergasted.  He got through the Es all by himself.  My jaw dropped and I looked at my husband.  He said, "Yeah, he started last night."

Took us all by surprise. That's what we get for be physically/mentally out of it for a while. The kids surprise us.  Granted I gladly blame his preschool teacher. She is awesome that way.  I'm really impressed by Cyprus right now.

Let There Be Light

Just some random things I learned recently:

I was reading this fascinating article (How To Design a Calming Room For Autistic Kids) to try and figure out if there was a way for me to make our home more suited to my children's needs. What I learned astounded me.  I did everything wrong. Well, maybe not wrong, but not the best. My kids share a bedroom and I wanted to paint it fun colors to fit both boys and my daughter. So I painted the bottom half purple and the top half bright yellow.  As for my living room I painted it start white the week before I had back surgery (about a year and a half ago) and I've hated it ever since. Thanks to this article I learned that neutral tones and muted colors work best not to over-sensitize my special needs children.

One of the other things I learned was that autistic children react better to LED lights rather than regular or fluorescent lights.  Fluorescent lights especially bother special needs kids because of the electrical hum it gives off. 

So in order to help our kids feel more calm at home we are doing little projects over the next year or so to modify things around the house.  The first thing we did was hold a gourmet cupcake sale to earn money for a little porch swing to help our children get the proprioceptive movement they crave.  Today the swing came in the mail, so tomorrow we get to put it together.  I'm so excited.

Secondly, my husband replaced our dining room light fixture today and put in new LED lights.  Suddenly all the other rooms in the house look a sickly yellow while our dining room is this beautiful white light.  I guess we'll have to work to replace the rest of the lights slowly over time (LED lights are not cheap but use less power and last longer).

So if you have special needs kids, especially those on the Autism Spectrum, you might want to look around your house to see if there are little tweaks you can do that will help make life a little more calming for your little one.  As for me, I'll keep you posted as to how our three kids react to the changes we're making.

Good luck and remember, you are an awesome parent.

Courage in All Shapes and Sizes

For the last several weeks I have struggled, well in all honesty since my three year old gave me a concussion, with depression and anxiety. I have panic attacks going to book club or to church activities or even being home alone with my kids, but I can be totally content out in public surrounded by strangers who don't talk to me. I freak out that I'm not going to be good enough, that in-spite of all that I learned and all that I know, that I'm going to fail.  Life can be overwhelming, especially when you feel like you are no longer in control.

But in all the panicking and the health issues and the constant ambiguousness of life I've come to see amazing things.  I see courage in other people. I saw courage in the eyes of a little girl who apologized to my daughter for something.  I see courage in my stepsons who keep placing one step in front of another, even when its hard to know which direction to travel.  I see courage in a friend who is facing a difficult past.  I see courage in family members who keep going forward even when life hands them more twists and turns than they think they can handle. 

You may or may not believe in a Heavenly Father or God. Then again you may.  I for one do, though there is so much that I do not understand.  But one thing I have learned through my trails is that I have the opportunity to learn so much from them. And during these struggles of health, worry for my family, and depression is that I am surrounded by amazing people that I can learn from.  And for one, I thank my Heavenly Father for taking such great care in introducing me to each and every individual.  I am grateful for their courage and their love and friendship.

And most of all I'm grateful for every morning and every stressful, glorious moment with my children.  I may not understand why I am going through the trails that I am, but I'm going to make sure that I learn the most while I'm here.  And I guess that means that I have my own version of courage each and every day.

Dealing with Food Sensitivities During the Holidays

All three of my kids are picky eaters, and I mean to the extreme. They do not like mixed textures. Food cannot be touching on the plate. And you can forget about using bribes to make them eat.  They are totally happy to give up eating, video games, books, basically anything to avoid eating something that just doesn't look right. 

In essence, that means breakfast is dry cereal on a plate with a glass of milk on the side and half a banana (except for Rose who has decided she no longer likes bananas).  Lunch consists of either peanut butter jelly sandwiches or mac 'n cheese (pre-fabricated boxed version only - no homemade allowed) and an apple.    And dinner is either grilled cheese sandwiches or chicken nuggets and fries, or pizza and some fruit that only Rose will eat.  Snacks can be crackers, goldfish, fruit snacks, or granola bars.

Now we still try to induce things they used to eat all the time, like avocados, non-breaded poultry, lettuce, carrots, etc. But pretty much the kids just give us the dirtiest of looks and would rather go to their bedrooms than eat. Our doctor told us to expect it to take at least 72 times of trying to reintroduce a food before they will try it again.

Sometimes we can convince Rose to sniff or lick something, but there has to be an outstanding prize at the end of that trial for her to be willing to endure even that much taste-testing.

The other difficulty with dealing with their food sensitivities can be seen as a positive or negative thing.  My boys don't like sweets. They might lick a lollipop, but only if they are in the mood. And once upon a time they liked Smarties, but no more.  They won't eat birthday cake and Rose will only eat the frosting.  They won't eat ice-cream and they'll eat donuts, but only if they are plain-glazed. As you can probably guess that makes birthdays, Halloween, and other holidays quite perplexing for our family.

We go trick or treating for Halloween, but only because my kids enjoy the act, but then they don't eat 90% of their candy (that's for me and my thighs to resolve). For their birthdays I have to get pretty inventive. Last year I put a candle in a donut for Cyprus' birthday. He loved blowing out the candle, but then he didn't even eat the donut (and it was plain).  I've even taken to requesting one cupcake for my own birthday, because what's the point of getting an entire cake that Frank and I can't even make it through.  As for my husband, he prefers pie.

Now we are faced with Thanksgiving around the corner.  For many years Frank and I have resorted to just cooking two Turkey breasts.  We are partial to white meat and our kids won't eat turkey period. Then I make a smaller version of all the side dishes (again because the kids won't eat mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, stuffing, or cranberry sauce).  So this year we've decided What's the point? Especially since my new dietary restrictions due to health reasons limit my eating of stuffing and mashed potatoes.  And I'm tired of being the one to eat all the leftovers anyway.

This year I think we're going to take two other options of things I should eat on an extremely limit basis and eat that instead, knowing that are kids won't eat it anyway.   So instead we are going to make Turkey BLTA sandwiches on Costco croissants and maybe for another meal we'll make this awesome Chicken Cordon Bleu Lasagna. That way I get a momentary splurge, Frank and I will enjoy our meals, and we'll just make the kids mac 'n cheese and we'll all be happy.

As for Christmas time, since we don't have any family living nearby we've taken to ordering out for Chinese on Christmas day. That way I don't have to cook and we still get yummy food.  It may seem really sad, but when you have three kids with serious issues regarding food you make things work as you can.

Welcome to my world. I still pray that one of these days every meal won't be such a struggle, but I've come to learn you do what you have to.  I love my little crazy life.

Surviving Church

I love church. I love the uplifting nature of church. I love having the reminders of what is truly important in life and I love the feeling of peace I get when I go to church.  But. . . .ever since I had children (even before I learned they were all special needs) I struggled with how to keep my children reverent during sacrament meeting.  I always felt like the biggest failure because my kids were the ones screaming, jumping, talking loudly, etc.  It was especially hard when we had little Juniper. The kids out numbered the adults. We did not have enough hands.  Then, to top it off, my husband was called to lead the music and choir during sacrament meeting. Suddenly, I feared going to church and having to deal with all three children all by myself. And to top if off, that is about the time we learned that all three of our kids had special needs.

It got to the point that it was almost a relief if my kids got sick because then I could stay home to take care of them without fearing that they would disrupt the ability of everyone else to feel the spirit and peace I longed for at church.  But the more often that my kids got sick the more I missed church. I missed the beautiful music, the peaceful spirit, and being able to partake of the sacrament.  But on the few occasions I would take the kids I would usually end up bruised, battered, and in tears. 

With the help of some wonderful family and friends I have learned several tips on how to prepare for church so that I have a greater chance of not ending up being a physical/emotional wreck afterwards. Here are some of the things I've learned;

1. Sit by someone who is willing to help in time of need - Every week, my wonderful friend whose daughters babysit my kids save us a seat in the pew immediately behind them. If we don't show up by five minutes before the meeting starts then they give the seat to someone else. But if we do come then we always have a seat saved for us. And the beauty of sitting behind this amazing family is that if I need help I just tap them on the shoulder and they come to the rescue.  I've handed Juniper over to the mom several times when I've had to deal with Rose and Cyprus.  The daughters have even taken kids to the bathroom for me when needed or come and sit with me when things get too overwhelming.
2. Take a snack - I know some people are against giving kids snacks during sacrament meeting, but I heard a talk once during one of our regional or general conferences that stated that you do what ever you need as a parent to help your kids be there and be reverent. Because if they are at least there, then they get the feeling of peace and they still hear what is going on around the. And if it takes a snack to help them be there and survive through it, then it takes a snack. Just be willing to clean up afterwards if needed.  I usually pack either craisins or fruit snacks, or baby puffs and a sippy cup with water in it for all of my kids.
3. Activities - Some of the best activities I've found to help my kids be quieter during church include coloring books, church related kids books, dry erase marker books, quiet puzzle folders, word cards, and on really hard Sundays I'll let them play word and puzzle apps on my Kindle, but only if the volume is turned all the way down.

I usually prepare their church/diaper bag hours in advance to make sure I have all the necessary snacks, crayons, books, etc., in a desperate hope that it will be a great day. Does it always work? No. But it works the majority of the time.  And my husband has even started asking people to do musical numbers so that he can come sit by us during the majority of the meeting. Then when its time to sing the closing hymn he goes back up to the stand to lead the music.

Even though it would be easier for me to always stay home every Sunday, and less distracting for everyone else, I would be teaching my kids the wrong message -- that church isn't important. But for our family it is. The peace and knowledge we get from being there is vital to our survival.  I still may not always make it, but when I do I will be as prepared as I can to make it a good experience for the entire family. I hope these suggestions help you as well.

Making Memories

When I learned that I had "signs of MS" almost two months ago my priorities were tossed out the window and the fears set in. I have way too active of an imagination and I started worrying about what would happen to my family if I died as young as my maternal grandfather did.  (Bad thing to do by the way. Never give into your imagination.)  I started realizing that if I only had 8 years to live then Rose would be only 14 when I passed away. Cyprus would be 12 and little Juniper would be 11. (Again, bad thing to think about.)

There has been one benefit though from realizing how fleeting life might be. Suddenly, life became more about making memories with my kids. So when my daughter decided she wanted to be Rarity from My Little Pony - Equestria Girls movie and that Mommy had to be Twilight Sparkled, then I decided to help make that happen. I don't normally dress up for Halloween (usually because I'm too tired getting the kids ready to even imagine what I could/should be). So I went on Pintrest (and I'm not a Pintrest-type person) and found someone who'd already come up with suggestions on how to make a little girl into a Pony whose gone to an alternate reality to become a teenage human girl. 

Last week we had a Halloween party at church and as I was helping Rose to get ready she turned to me and said, "You are the best Mommy ever!"

So is it worth it? Yes. I still don't know what is going on with my body, but no matter what I will do what I can to make memories with my kids, whether I'm here for 5 years or 50.  And that is why I will be dressing up as Twilight Sparkles and going trick or treating with my kids tonight instead of passing out candy. Because its the memories that matter most.

Happy Halloween everyone!!!

When Life Hands You Lemons

I haven't posted in almost a month because life handed me a huge barrel of lemons and I didn't know what to do with it. Last month I had an MRI of my brain because my little Juniper gave me a concussion. The MRI showed "changing white matter" which my doctor referred to as "signs of MS" (multiple sclerosis) and promptly referred me to a neurologist who couldn't see me for over a month.

The problem with that is that I have a highly active imagination and automatically thought of worst case scenario. In my research of MS I learned there are different types: recurring-remitting and progressive. Each of those types has two levels. The primary progressive type is usually diagnosed around the time you're 40.  MS is believed to be triggered by a combination of genetics and environmental impacts when you're a child. Also, MS is more prevalent in females than males.  My maternal grandfather died in his late 40s from MS.  My mom was only 12.

As you know from previous posts I have three little kids, Rose (6), Cyprus (4), and Juniper (3). My mind instantly migrated to "If I live as long as my grandfather, then I only have 8 years left with my kids. Rose would be 14." That thought spiraled me into severe depression.  My little ones are amazing and brilliant and true miracles, but with their special needs they can be overwhelming.  I worried about what would happen to them if I were to die.

Then I worried about my husband (sorry, that you came second love, but I believe you can handle more than the kids). My husband had a bad reaction to a medication change last year that sent him into his own torturous depression last year. But he is doing amazing now. I still worried though about if I died how would he handle it.

 I came to realize that my worries over my family was truly an issue of being worried about losing control over how my family is taken care of. Then my husband pointed out, "Like we really have control to start with."  When he said that I started to laugh and was able to calm down a bit.

During the last several weeks I've received special blessings (prayers from priesthood holders in our church) and prayers from friends and family. The overall feeling of love and support has been amazing and has helped me through some difficult days.  This week we finally met with the neurologist and she said that I don't look like someone with MS.  So she's scheduled more MRIs of my brain and spine, a lot of blood work, and a nerve study to try and figure out what's going on.  So I'm kind of back in limbo.

The one thing I've learned, especially in this last week, is that you can't put life on hold when life gives you lemons.  I still  have three miracle children that need their mom. I have a brilliant husband who still needs his wife and I need him.  The blessings I've received have made me feel that heaven is closer than I knew and that I'm being watched over and cared for. I'm also realizing that its okay to morn and grieve, but then you have to get up and get back to work. 

So life gave me lemons.  I'm going to throw the lemons back at life. Well maybe only half of them. Then I'm going to make some lemon bars, lemonade, and lemon-basted chicken to feed my family. Then I'm going to hug my family. Laugh with my family. And enjoy our growth together, whether it be for 8 years or 80. 

The Tenderness of Children

For the last few weeks our Rose, 6 years old, has moved back into her little brothers' bedroom. Then the last week we keep she moved out into the hallway just outside of our bedroom door. We keep trying to convince her that she'd be more comfortable in bed, but she adamantly remains where she is.  My husband had a talk with her this morning about why she is sleeping outside of our room.  She told him, "because I'm worried about Mommy."

We've talked to her about the possibility of me having Multiple Sclerosis like my grandfather did and we told her all the things that can mean. She knows that I'm scared, but that we also don't know everything we need to know yet.  So my darling little six year old daughter has taken it upon herself to sleep outside of my room to make sure I'm okay.

I don't know if its because I always sleep on their floor when they are sick, because I'm worried about them and want to make sure they are okay.  Or if its just her fear that I won't always be around.  Either way, I am deeply touched by her love for me. You are truly my darling, Rose.

Learning to Live With the Unknown

For the last two years our family has been given diagnosis after diagnosis. We've been doing our best to accept and deal with each one as they come. There are days that are easier than others. So far, we've been told Rose has Sensory Processing Disorder, that Cyprus has Autism, and that Juniper possibly as ADHD, Autism, and Pediatric Airway Disorder. And that's just the kids.

In the last two years I had to have back surgery due to a ruptured disc from picking up my son, heart-rate problems, chronic migraines, dislocated ribs and collarbone, extended family illnesses and divorces, and recently we were told that I might be suffering from multiple sclerosis.

The chaotic-ness of life has triggered depression and anxiety for me, and upped the anti for my husband as well (for a great blog post about what its like dealing with depression click here; https://randommormonmusings.wordpress.com/2014/08/13/on-depression-and-suicide/).

The greatest difficulty in dealing with all the ups-and-downs, and waiting times for various specialists (for us and the kids) is to never give up. It's not exactly "pulling yourself up by the bootstraps."  It's realizing that, even in the midst of a lot of crap, there are still beautiful things happening. I still fall down. I still have my moments where I curl in a ball literally and break down sobbing. And I still detest the ambivalence that comes with waiting for firm diagnosis. But there are a lot more positive things that I've learned or remembered:

- I love naps.

- I love the quiet

- I love dark chocolate

- I love really complex books

- I love to write teenage angsty stories

- I love the sound of my children's laughter

- I love getting to know extended family again

- I love the power of prayer on a person's soul

- I love my husband more than life itself

- I love volunteering at the library

- I love painted toenails

- I love clouded skies and green grass

- I love my children's hugs

- I love locked doors

- I love Zupas salads & Wisconsin Cauliflower Soup

- I love Cravings Bakery in Pleasant Grove and their gluten-free cupcakes

- I love clean sheets

- I miss going to church on a regular basis

- I love to make up songs about everything

- I love listening to scriptures on my MP3 player in my car

- I love jazz music

- I still dislike doing genealogy, but love learning about the individual stories (go figure that one out)

- And I have amazing friends


So even though life has been insane for the last two years, there are still a lot of little things that make my life beautiful just the way it is. 

Every Day Heroes

My sweet Rose is struggling figuring out how to cope with several trials our family has experienced lately. As a result, her teacher tells me that she is often weepy in class. I explained to Rose's teacher what was happening in our family and she told me that she was planning on changing up the seating anyway and did I know of anyone who would be a calming influence for my daughter.  Two names came to mind and I passed them onto the teacher.

A few days later I saw one of these kids' mom at church and talked to her. I told her what was going on and that I had recommended her daughter as a calming influence and someone Rose could sit by for help.  I asked her if that was okay.  I am so grateful she said yes. In fact, the discussion led to scheduling a playdate for the very next day so that the girls could spend more time outside of class and learn to be there for each other.

This morning I walked with the kids to school because Cyprus and Juniper don't have preschool on Mondays. Poor Rose kept getting upset and beating herself up verbally the whole way to school. When we got to school Rose got in line and we waited with her trying to help her calm down.  Then this wonderful friend showed up and asked Rose to stand next to her in line.  Immediately they started talking and laughing and planning on what they were going to do for their play date after school.

I am really grateful for an incredible teacher who listens and understands. I'm grateful for a friend who lifts and supports me. And I'm grateful that her daughter could be friends with my daughter and immediately take it upon herself to look out for Rose.  She even promised she would help Rose by studying the spelling words with her. 

I am truly surrounded by every day heroes.

What is Normal?

I am used to doing things abnormally in my life. I mean I rode an exercise bike when I was a teenager only to have the bolt fall out of the seat. I promptly fell backwards onto the floor and crushed the vertebrae in my upper back.  Who does something weird like that?  Me, of course.

Well, I had a really rough weekend taking a road trip with my amazing, sweet, adorable special needs kids.  The trip was great. The ride home, not so much.  The trip threw my kids out-of-sync and messed with their routines. When that happens its really easy for them to get upset.

We got home from our trip Saturday night and Sunday we stayed at home to recover at celebrate little Juniper's 3rd birthday a day late. But because he was already out of sync Juniper was grumpy all day and would throw things at me (his go to method of showing frustration for the last several months).  When Juniper decided not to eat his birthday cupcakes (Despicable Me Minions) we decided to give them to friends and neighbors.  I hopped in the car to take some over to a friend only to realize my car smelled like pee from some potty accidents during out trip.  When I got home I took out all the car seats and took off their covers to give them a good cleaning.

While they were being washed I had Cyprus' booster seat sitting on the couch. Juniper kept playing with the seat while jumping up and down on the couch. After a while he was getting tired and grumpy and started kicking me in the shoulder. When I wouldn't react he upped the ante and picked up Cyprus' car seat and threw it at my head. (I know have a concussion and got to experience an MRI of my brain today as a result.)

Between that and having dislocated my collar bone trying to give things to kids in the backseat while on our trip, I decided to visit my friendly, local neighborhood chiropractor for an adjustment.  While adjusting me, my chiropractor asked me to lift my legs to see if I was having any difficulties with my lower spine. I couldn't lift my right one while laying on my tummy at all.  After a few more tries I told him that it felt like my knee had locked up. 

"Hmm, that's odd."

He felt around a bit and realized I was right and he had to adjust my knee as well as my back.  I made mention at the time "I don't do things normal."

He had the best response I had ever heard.  "I don't believe there is any such thing as normal.  Normal is more like an average than a specific state of mind."

I LOVE THAT!!!!  So who cares if you aren't normal. That just means you aren't average and there is nothing wrong with that.  Enjoy doing things in your own unique way and stop trying to "fit" in.  You're amazing the way you are.

Migraine Mischief

Last night was very difficult for me.  I suffer from chronic migraines and last night's was a doozy. My husband and daughter went to go help someone move in. While they were gone, Cyprus and Juniper took to beating each other's heads against the way, throwing each other across the room, etc., all in the name of good wrestling fun.  The only problem with that is it freaks this mommy out.  I hate seeing my kids hurt each other (even if they don't realize that's what they are doing) and I can't even read their minds to figure out why they were doing it in the first place.  All I know is that when I'm suffering from migraines my kids honestly instinctively amp up the mischief by 1000%.

After about 45  minutes of trying to break them up I finally called for a bath night. I quickly got Juniper in the tub and went to go hunt down Cyprus. By the time I had returned Juniper was taking the bucket that we wash their hair with and dumping it all over the bathroom floor, flooding the towels, floor mats, etc.  I was beyond livid and in a lot of pain by that point.

After my husband got home and we got Rose in the bath, Frank's mom called. When I got to talk to her I went into the boys' bedroom because the sound of two rambunctious boys bouncing on our bed to They Might Be Giants ABC's was more than I could handle.  While I was having a lovely conversation with my mother-in-law I was laying on Cyprus' bed. When Cyprus came into the room and saw me in his bed he grabbed his two favorite blankets, covered me up, said "Goodnight", then closed the bedroom door and turned off the light.

First of all, he has never said goodnight to me before. . .ever.  Secondly, it was the sweetest, kindest thing he could do after the rough night we had.  Suddenly, I was no longer mad at my kids.  And when he came back into the room he walked up to me and started rocking my body back and forth saying, "Hey! Wake up!"  All I could do was laugh.

Even after rough days I really lough these little squirts.

Fighting for your kids

I was so thrilled last week that my son Juniper finished his tests for getting into preschool.  I figured, "Great.  We have a week until his birthday and then he'll get to start school the very next week."

Well, its now Wednesday and his birthday is Saturday and we haven't heard a thing.  Before we could figure out what days he would be going to school and when he would officially start preschool we have to have his IEP meeting (individual education plan). This meeting is where they officially tell me that Juniper is delayed enough in multiple areas that they are going to send him to preschool.  I was told they would send me a write-up in the mail over the weekend and contact me ASAP as to when we'd have the meeting.  I was told it had to be before his birthday.

Today I emailed the preschool teacher (simply because she's awesome and I know her and she's Cyprus' teacher) and asked if she'd heard anything about Juniper. She responded in less than 30 minutes that she hadn't, but would contact me as soon as she did.  So I went and called the special ed assessment center and asked about when his IEP meeting was scheduled for.   They politely took my information and said that they will "look into it".  That was this morning and I haven't heard anything yet.  Well they have two school days left before his birthday. I hope they figure something out quickly.  Supposedly he's supposed to start school next week. 

We'll see.

But that just proves to me once again that when you are a parent (especially if you have SN kids) that you constantly have to be willing to battle for what your kids need.  SO never give up. You can do this. (And so can I.)

Preschool Testing

Today was the magic day. Juniper completed his final round of testing with the local school district to determine if he qualifies for services. Each time we go to the Special Ed department I have to bring Juniper in a stroller because he loves that place. Anytime we try and leave he throws an all out major fit and is getting too big for me to carry him back to the car.  As soon as we got to the appointment my son ran for the play area in the foyer where there this huge wooden toy that has beaded spirals on top, and each side of the pentagon has a different activity.

When it came time to do the gross motor skills portion of the test, he didn't want to leave.  The room where they did the test was this long narrow room that allows space for the kids to run, kick balls, jump, etc.  The tester tried to get Juniper to walk down this red line on the floor.  He shook his head and said, "No."   Then they wanted him to jump off a low chair. Again he said, "No." But he would do it if the tester would hold both of his hands. Then he did it again with one hand. When it came time to do it by himself, he shook his head and said, "No."

When they wanted him to kick the ball he threw it across the room.  Ten minutes later, when they were testing a different activity he suddenly started kicking the ball. When they wanted him to walk backwards he pulled out the chair and started jumping off of it all on his own. 

Get the picture.

However, I was quite impressed that when the tester said "freeze" he would actually stand still.  That's a newbie.  And when they asked him to hop over the line it took him a few moments to understand the concept, then he didn't want to stop. And when they wanted him to stand on one foot I was totally surprised when he copy-catted her (though he did keep one hand on the wall while he did it).

After the gross motor skills test he went in a different room for the fine motor skills test. He had the stacking of blocks part down to a skill. But when they mixed it up and told him to make them into a train he built a longer tower.  When they wanted him to color a straight line, he squiggled all over the paper. Then, 5 minutes later started drawing straight lines.  When the tester wanted him to crumple up a paper, he looked totally confused. However, a few minutes later when they wanted him to fold a piece of paper he was busy crumpling his paper up and walking it over to the trash can. 

So I've learned something about my son.  It takes him a few minutes to digest what he has seen and what he's been asked to do.  If given the time to think about and work it out in his mind, then he's quite capable of doing it. He doesn't just mimic. He thinks it through until his mind understands it and then he'll to it.  It maybe slower than a "typical" child, but I think its kind of cool that he can pick things up that quickly.

In the end, I was showed his ratings from all of the tests and was told "We agree with all of your concerns."  Well, I'm glad it wasn't just my imagination. ;-)   The next step is for the education team to get together, review his results and formulate and Individual Education Plan or IEP. Then they will discuss his placement.  Seeing how he is going to be 3 in one week, they're going to have to step on it and quickly (especially since Monday is a holiday).

I asked the coordinator what were the chances of him getting into the preschool program and was told that they "can't" discuss that until at the IEP review meeting.  I told her that my other son was already in the preschool program and it would mean the world to me if Juniper got in as well.

"Oh, so you already know about Miss Jenn."

When I said yes, she started circling the different areas on the paper where Juniper had "developmental delays" and started doing a dramatic nod. "When we have kids with delays in more than one area, then there is a high likelihood that they will assigned to the preschool program."

I smiled and laughed and thanked her for not telling me before the IEP meeting.  Yahoo!!!!  Now I just have to work with the teacher to establish the necessary goals for Juniper to work on, find out what days he'll be going to school, and get him set up to ride the bus with his brother.

Happy Dance!!!

#2 is Out of Here + Paranoid Mommy Smiling

Lest you think that #2 is in relations to the bathroom you can relax.  My second child, Cyprus started pre-school today.  So that makes two down and one to go.  On a day when I'm struggling with dislocated ribs, a migraine, a sinus infection and a dislocated collar bone, it was a huge relief to have him go off to school.

As for the paranoia update, well because Cyprus started school today I needed to be home to get him on the bus. However, I've been walking with Rose to and from school for the last week making sure she was used to the routine before I forced myself to let go and trust the other awesome kids to get her there.  Oh my was that ever hard for me.  With her Sensory Processing Disorder it is easily for things to distract her. She doesn't do it intentionally, its just how her brain is wired.  But I trust the older girl who is walking with her and I needed to teach Rose to take responsibility.

Having said that, I dropped Rose off at my friend's house so that her daughter, and a few other kids could walk to school together. Then, as I rushed home, I prayed for her safety and success. A few minutes later the bus for the special needs preschool showed up. I stood back as Cyprus climbed aboard and immediately took the same seat he had last year. Though I waved and said my goodbyes and love you's, he failed to even look at me once. He was set and eager to go.

Once he was gone I called and made an appointment with the chiropractor to deal with my own out of sync body. On the way I detoured over to the elementary school. . . just to make sure that Rose had gotten there safely and was lined up where she was supposed to be.  From the street I couldn't see her as her class lines next up to all the Kindergartners starting their very first day of school.  So, being the paranoid mom I am, I parked the car and snuck up to the school until I could actually see her, while simultaneously staying out of sight so she wouldn't notice me.   I was so relieved, happy, excited, overjoyed, emotionally ecstatic. You name it. I am proud.  And over the moon for my angel helpers watching over my daughter. 

So double happy dance going on for this mom.  Two kids in school and safe with good people surrounding them.  And the necessary doctors visits done and medication in my system to help me recover.  Now I just need to get little Juniper's fine/gross motor skills test out of the way later this week and then, hopefully, he'll get to start school two weeks from today. 

Then, I'll just pass out in utter delirium.

Doctor Visits

I took Cyprus to the doctor today. We've had this weird sinus pressure/runny nose thing going around the house.  I've got it full blown and am down for the count. Juniper's turned into an ear infection and Rose has had a runny nose.  So since Cyprus starts school tomorrow at the special needs preschool I needed to make sure that if he did have an infection he'd be able to take the antibiotic for a day before starting school.

The funny thing about Cyprus is he always surprises me.  Whatever I expect him to do he rarely does, but not necessarily in a bad way. I had taken Juniper to the doctor on Friday and had to hold him as he fought to get free during the check up (granted he ended up having an ear infection).  With Cyprus he ran to get on the scales to be weighed. When the nurse took his temperature, he grabbed the oxygen meter and put it on his finger correctly. Then when we got back in the room he started taking deep breaths even though the doctor wasn't there to listen to his lungs yet.  When the nurse went to tell the doctor we were ready Cyprus called after her and said, "Thank you."

Our pediatrician likes to give the kids their own tongue depressor to hold and play with during the exam. With Juniper he immediately threw it on the floor. With Cyprus he opened his mouth, pressed his tongue down with the stick and said, "Ahhhhh."  What a remarkable kid. And it was wide enough for the doctor to get a great look at Cyprus's throat.

And after all that the doctor said his ears and throat are not infected and that he is not contagious. So he is cleared to start school tomorrow. Hip hip hooray!!!! Apparently though if a runny nose lasts more than two weeks you should have your child checked out again just to make sure it hasn't turned into a sinus infection.  Huh, now I know.

Mom Confession

I've heard from many moms that have felt they are feeling like they are failing at everything.  It may feel like it, but your not.  I know I often feel that way, but the point is to never give up.

Now here is my mom confession about back to school and you can tell me if you think I still struggle with feeling like a failure or temporary hopelessness. . .

Cyprus starts back at the special needs preschool next week. The other day the bus driver called to confirm our address and the school he's going to.  She just wanted to double check before test driving the route. Once she is able to do that she will call us back to let us know the pick up/drop off times for our son.   I thanked her profusely and when I hung up I started sobbing.

Why you may ask?  Simply because I was grateful there was no proof that my son was going back to school and hence a light at the end of the tunnel. What mom would want to get rid of her kids?

Me. Not permanently, just temporarily for a few hours.  I need a break.  I love my kids more than life itself. There are my miracles and amazing and funny and brilliant and and and. . .

But with this preschool I know he is going to a safe place with fantastic people who are trained to do things that I can't.  My personal well is tapped out.  So Cyprus will get a break from us, be with other kids, and be taught by kids who love him nearly as much as me and know how to reach him when I can't.

When I cried, I cried out of gratitude and relief.  So yeah, I still have moments when I feel like I'm a failure, but I'm not a lone and I have amazing people to lift me up.

Hang in there. You can do it.

Happy Dance

My son, Juniper had me doing the happy dance today. He is almost three and knows how to talk, but not necessarily to communicate. But when he does make certain connections then he can use speak 3-5 word sentences with no difficulty and usually in the right instances. We've been working with his brother, Cyprus, to learn sign language. The benefit of that is that Juniper watches all the Signing Time videos with his brother.

Today Juniper must have made a certain connection because all of a sudden he's started using signs that we've been trying to get him to use for months.  I asked him if he was ready to go get in the car and Juniper said, and signed, the word for car and then ran outside to get in the car.  When he was hurt he signed/said "help me please".  I was astounded.  And earlier in the day when it was almost time to walk to the school to pick up Rose, Juniper signed "coat" and then ran and got his coat.

I love it when a plan comes together in that little guy's head. It's AWESOME.

Difficulties Weighing the "Right" Choice

I am really struggling the last few days knowing what is the right thing to do for my children when it comes to schooling.  Sweet Rose's doctor diagnosed her with Sensory Processing Disorder two years ago.  My Cyprus is Moderate Functioning Autistic (still not sure what that really means) according to the test performed by the psychologists at the local school district. And now my Juniper is showing signs of Autism as well as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).

I just learned that a new charter school called Spectrum Academy has just opened in a town nearby that focuses on education for Autistic Children, Asperger's Syndrome, and their siblings. I've been trying to figure out if I should try and get Cyprus transferred over there for next year when he becomes (gasp) a kindergartner.

But that raises a lot of questions, some I have answered already, some I'm still trying to figure out.

One thing I have learned is that Charter schools are linked with the school district and as such are free. But if your child attends a Charter school they do not have access to buses, the parents bring the kids to school.  Usually I would have no problem with this as long as my child is getting the support he needs. However, my daughter currently goes to first grade at one school. Her brothers are/or will attend the special needs preschool sponsored by the school district. I'm already having issues getting my daughter to one school while figuring out how to get my sons on and off their bus at the needed times.   Now imagine sending Cyprus to a third school where I would have to drive him there at the exact same time I'm supposed to have Juniper on the bus on Rose on her way toward her school.  It's a bit mind boggling for me.

I've also learned that Charter schools tend to run on a lottery system. This is because there are a limited number of spaces open at the school. It also means that at some point in the Spring you submit your child's name into a list. Then names are drawn to determine who gets the opened spaces.  If you do not get accepted as part of the lottery then you resubmit your child's name the following year and hope. The thing that worries me is that this academy seems really tailored to meet the needs of spectrum children to help them learn: use of natural light, soothing colors painted on the wall, sensory objects allowed at the student's desk to help them remain calm, plus the services of occupational therapists, speech therapists, safe rooms when the child just needs to readjust themselves to be able to cope with others, and aides to help when tantrums arise. It sounds like a dream. . .if  they deal with Moderate Functioning Kids as well.

There are many questions plaguing my mind that I'm working to answer:

- The Autism school specializes in education for High Functioning Autism, but Cyprus is Moderate Functioning. I have to find out if they can work with him.
- I learned that the school district has Autism classes, but I don't know at which schools and I have heard that they only have them until your child reaches a certain age. So I have to talk to the school district to learn more of what options are available on their end.
- I've also learned of other Charter schools that focus on adjusting the education as need to fit the needs of your student. So if your particular child if advanced in Math beyond their grade level then they are given the excelled learning in Math, but if they struggle in Reading they work at the level they are.  So now I want to learn more about these other schools?  However, there is still the difficulties of getting them to and from school.

The final question is - What can I handle as their mother? I want to give my children the best chance at being their best selves, but at what cost?  If I'm so stressed that I can't cope well and get sick (as is my MO) then its harder for me to be able to be a good mom.  So at this young age, when they learn their best, which is more important - the right help or a sane mom?

Lots to learn and lots to pray about, but as this is a whole new field of information for me I thought it might be for others as well and wished to share. I hope this helps.  If anyone else out there knows more about Spectrum Academy or Odyssey Charter schools I would love to hear from you.  Also, if anyone know about what the school district has to offer I'd love to here from you.  Also, if you've found yourself in a similar situation I would love to hear how you decided on your choice.

Happy Learning!!!

Lunch Time Practice

Tomorrow starts the first day of first grade for my not so little Rose. This will be the first time for her to be gone all day long.  In order to help her prepare we have been practicing how to have lunch.  Rose loves peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. She'd probably eat them for every meal if she could. So we are planning on sending her with a lunch to school, but with her sensory processing disorder new things can quickly become overwhelming for her. And to honestly admit it, there are a lot of things I've done over the last year for her to speed up the process rather than dealing with the struggle. My fault.

To help her cope with her first day we have been spending the last four days practicing how to have lunch.  We've packed everything we plan on actually giving her for school inside her lunch box and zip it close then put it on the table for her.  This allows her to practice zipping open her bag, pulling up the string cheese, opening the yoghurt or Jell-O, and opening up the Ziploc baggies with her sandwich. We've also got her boxed fruit/veggie juice so that she can practice opening the straw and poking it into the container. She's had some minor struggles, but she's been doing great overall.

This practice helps her get used to the routine, identify the things she can throw out after lunch and what she needs to bring home, plus helps her with her fine motor skills improving her finger strength.  We're hoping this will make her much more comfortable and capable to conquer her first experiences with lunch hour.

Good luck, Boo!  We love you.

Obstructive Play

One of the many things I'm learning about working with my Autistic children is the ability to do Obstructive Play. The idea is that while interactively playing with my kids I need to watch what they are doing for a bit, then quietly and gently do something different that interrupts how they are playing.

For example, Cyprus loves to line up all the toy vehicles (i.e. trains, cars, trucks, etc.) into one long line trunk to hood. With obstructive play I am supposed to sit with him on the floor and observe his play, then at a quiet moment do something like turn on of the cars sideways, switch two cars' positions, or put my arm down as he is about to line up another car and say "Oh oh. The road is blocked. What are you going to do?"  The idea is to trigger the brain to work on problem solving instead of continuing the repetitive play.

Juniper is obsessed with letters and numbers. When you show him a book with pictures he is so focused on the letters he doesn't see anything else on the page.  So the play therapist suggested I start taping over the words in simple picture books to get Juniper to focus on what else is there.  Or when Juniper is building towers out of his blocks and he is so focused on counting them that I take a moment to stop and observe. Then at a safe/appropriate time I gently knock the tower down and say, "Oh oh, they fell over. What are you going to do?"  And then to help Juniper rebuild or whatever choice he comes up with after given the problem.

The overall goal is to mix up their thought processes, to build new connections, to get him to actually interact with others, and to help them learn problem solving skills.  Who thought playtime took so much planning & thinking on a parents' part.

Being Surprised

Cyprus surprised me yesterday. While I was working with Juniper and his learning specialist I got out blocks for Cyprus to play with.  Within a half an hour he was picking through the pile of blocks for specific letters, then lining them up in a row, then reading them allowed.

These words included:

Pie
Team
Bake
Sheep
Shut
Cut
Wait

And so much more.  I was flabbergasted. One of the things I struggle with how Cyprus manifests his autism is that I never know what he is thinking nor what he comprehends. And yet here he was putting words together, sounding them out, and reading them.

The specialist and I just stared at each other.  I had no clue Cyprus could read.  I knew he knew the alphabet and I knew he knew some word association from educational videos we watch frequently. But some of the words he was using I do not recall being on those programs.   I am so proud of him and quite impressed.  Go Cyprus!!!!

The Lonely Cucumber

Kids with special needs often have difficulties in relation to food - sensitivities or aversions, etc.  When my kids were learning to eat I made my own baby food simple because it was less expensive and had less chemicals. At that age my kids ate sweet potatoes, peas, carrots, apricots, plums, and all sorts of other good stuff.  It was marvelous. Juniper would even come over, sit on my lap, and start eating my salads.  I loved it.

Then at the magic age of 2 1/2 that all changed. Suddenly, the kids stopped eating all the good stuff and all they would eat was mac 'n cheese (boxed that is), chicken nuggets & fries, pepperoni pizza, cheese quesadillas, grilled cheese sandwiches and peanut butter & jelly sandwiches.  For breakfast they would only eat cereal (dry on a plate, milk on the side in a cup).  I went bonkers. I tried making food look fun. I tried having the kids help me cook it. I tried persuasion and force.  Yeah. Not happening.

I talked to the kids doctor about it a few years ago when Cyprus had started this phase and she said that most kids go through that phase and that it can take an average of 72 times of trying to reintroduce the food before a kid will try it again (and that's for a 'normal' kid).  And because of their age and weight the doctor said "IF they want pizza, give them pizza because they need the fat at this stage.  Keep introducing the other foods, but mostly make sure they are getting the calories." I was hoping with Juniper's love of stealing my salads that he would bypass this phase entirely.  Unfortunately, this summer the food aversion phase once again kicked in.

While previously working with an occupational therapist for Rose she had us to food related playtime. We'd make up games and then get Rose to be blindfolded then she would mix flavors and textures and Rose would sniff, lick, and possibly eat them mostly.  Its amazing the power the mind has over food, because if I gave Rose the same food un-blindfolded she would gag, throw tantrums, and be 100% willing to starve herself for days if need be not to eat it.

So we live by multi-vitamins in the meantime to makeup for what they lack.  I still battle giving them foods that they once loved. Yesterday I picked a fresh cucumber from our garden. Today I sliced it up to go with my lunch and once again I included my children in on the bounty. Along with cucumber they had a grilled cheese sandwich and an apple. Once again the lonely cucumber remains solitary on the plate. Rose at least deemed to lick it for me before she tossed it aside.

Only 56 more times to go. 

How to work with a hyposensitive child. . .

This week I've met with an occupational therapist and a speech therapist to help me learn what my little Juniper needs to make sense of this world.  The OT did some exercises to try and pinpoint any sensory issues that Juniper might have (we already expect he is somewhere on the Autism Spectrum).  After several tests and a near concussion the OT determined that Juniper is hypo-sensitive.

The term hypo-sensitive can be a bit confusing. Even my mother's first reaction was that it meant he was overly sensitive to touch, sound, etc. That isn't the case. To be "hypo" sensitive means to have a low or diminished reaction to stimulus. For many kids with this issue they can seem to be daredevils.  For example, Rose jumps from high locations in order to receive the same physical sensation that another person might get from jumping in place. 

It can be a scary thing to watch your child do ever increasingly dangerous activities simply because they crave the same feeling you or I might get from normal activities.  I've had kids running into walls on purpose, jumping large gaps to land on unsolid objects, etc.

According to the OT that is partially why Juniper is constantly running, constantly on the go, and also why he is having difficulty communicating.  He is so focused on trying to get his body to feel that it won't quiet down enough to let his brain make certain connections.  Juniper knows words.  In fact, he knows many more words than Rose or Cyprus did at his age.  And often he can use those words and phrases in context.  However. . . he only speaks words or phrases that he has heard used at home 100s of times and very rarely to actually communicate with another person.

So the first thing I am learning with my children and their different sensitivities is that if I ever want them to be able to think then I need to get them exercising/moving first.  Once their bodies feel that their sensitivity needs have been met, then they will step back and allow the brain to function better so that my kids can focus.

Oh what a lot of fun and learning we all have ahead of us.

Today's Win

Ever since I had Juniper, nearly three years ago, it has been a slow progression getting to a point where I feel like I could "handle" things again.  Once I hit three kids (and long before I knew all three were special needs) I found it difficult to let my kids go play outside. For one thing the kids now outnumbered the parents.  We simply didn't have enough hands.  For another thing its hard to watch one kid sneak behind the nearby buildings while another is running into the busy street and the third is randomly walking into our neighbors houses.

In all honesty it was a bit overwhelming for me.  Plus, for a while I was going through postpartum depression that did nothing to help the situation. Then throw in back surgery for good measure.  Usually I would wait until my husband got home and asked him to take the kids outside.  He was better at not freaking out over whatever our kids were doing.  He was more calm and collected and kept better tabs over our motley crew.

Well, today was a win for me because I let all three kids out front this morning into the communal grassy area to play.  I even brought out their toddler slide and popped up a blanket and pillow in the shade for me to keep a careful I on them.  My eyes still darted nervously around the common area and I still had to call for Juniper when he wondered to close to the road (my neighbor and I were totally astounded when he actually listened and came back without me having to chase him down). 

We were actually out there for at least an hour or longer and I'm still mentally sane and didn't lose any children in the process.  I would call that a WIN on my part.  Now time for some celebratory chocolate and maybe a nap.  ;-)

Teaching Gratitude

This last few days I have been struggling and praying to know how to improve as a mother. I'm actually a fairly good mom, but I want to be a better one.  I've noticed with Rose especially that she has been getting upset over everything. Part of that is because of how she processes/doesn't process her senses. She frequently gets emotionally confused and overloaded and ends up screaming "I'll never ever get to do (enter object or activity here) ever again."  Then she runs to her room and slams the door.  A few minutes later she will come down and apologize profusely in hopes that that will solve everything.  I keep telling her that I'm grateful that she says she is sorry, but I need her to show me that she is sorry but striving to be better.

Teaching how to "be better" is hard when you're trying to explain it to any kid, but especially those with special needs. I often wonder how much my kids actually understand of what I'm trying to teach them.  They hear differently, their brains are wired uniquely. They understand in their own way. 

So my new tactic is to try and teach Rose of the wonderful people and things that she already has in her life. To change from focusing on what she doesn't or can't have and instead focus on being glad for what she does have.

Two days ago I told her to spend a day thinking about five things that she was happy about or happy to have. Then when we would meet the next night for personal prayers I would tell her 5 things I was grateful for and she could tell me 5 things that she was happy for and together that would be 10 whole things.

Here is the list that she came up with:

- I'm happy for bunny (her stuffed rabbit)
- I'm grateful for my Pokémon book with bulbasaur in it
- I'm glad that I have friends
- I'm glad for my toys
- I'm glad for you Mommy


Here was my list:

- I'm grateful for blankets to tuck you in at night
- I'm grateful for a car that gets us to church, school, exercise, and to the store
- I'm grateful for my daughter who teaches me to be better
- I'm grateful for your daddy for he makes me smile
- I'm grateful for food on our table


Our plan is that each night we will keep tell each other five new things that we each are grateful for or make us happy. Hopefully it will help us learn to see more of the beauty in life and each other instead of both of us focusing on the things that frustrate both of us about each other. I believe its the right step for each of us at this time.

Inventions I'm grateful for while potty training . . .

One of the top banes of parenthood has to be the dreaded season of potty training. Silly me decided to try two kids at once - and both boys at that.  We've had our ups and downs, but there are certain inventions that are making this process endurable. They include, but are not limited to:

1) Febreze - Enough said
2) Lysol - Okay ditto
3) Glade Candles - Do you get the point
4) Patience - I'm still looking for an unlimited supply of this (and preferably on sale too)
5) Bubbles - Instant reward for any little boy
6) Red Starburst - One of the few treats my little Cyprus will eat (for some reason I have a kid opposed to sweets)
7) YouTube - When you are forced to have potty time on a potty chair anywhere using a device with YouTube on it can give the potty trainee enough distraction to do the deed
8) Kindle - See above invention
9) Washers & Dryers & Carpet Cleaners - For when accidents abound
10) Smiles & Cheers - The best inventions are free and can really make a little ones day


So what are some tips, tricks or tools that you have used to survive this horrid of seasons?

The Power of Quiet Time. . . .

I get the point of quiet time.  I rally do. I'm just waiting for my kids to get.  For the last two weeks we've regularly taken quiet time immediately after lunch. Its not that my kids really need to nap, in fact only 1 out of 3 takes a nap some of the time.  But we've still had quiet time because Mommy needs the break. So I give Rose an old game boy to play with, I give Cyprus my Kindle and let him fight it out with Juniper as to which one gets it and which one plays with the Legos.  Then I turn off all the lights, put up all the security gates in the house.  Then I go downstairs, plug in my earplugs and pretend that the kids are actually asleep.  At that point I either play mindless video games or clean the carpet depending on my mood.

But as for it actually being "quiet time" I just have to laugh.  I'm going to start keeping a tally board at how many times my daughter calls me from upstairs upset about something or desperate for help with the game. Then there's the physical abuse known as brothers wrestling as they fight over the Kindle or just the air they breathe or because one looked at the other the wrong way.  They simply seem to fight over anything and everything.

No matter what though I need that break.  I might have to take up actually going in the back yard with ear phones in and weed or something so that I really can't hear the screaming.  So my one bit of advice for other mom's is the same one I took from another author mom. . .it doesn't matter what the kids do in their room during quiet time, but make sure mom gets that time no matter what. It will become your sanity saver.

On to more testing. . .

Today I took Juniper to the local school district to have him tested for their preschool program when he turns three in September.  He did fantastic on the cognitive when it came to matching similar pictures, until he got so focused on lining the pictures within the square just right and not so much on matching the pictures. Still he got really a high score, but when it came to anything cognitive related to language he only got a 1%.  All other emotion/social, adaptive, etc., he also showed delays. 

The amazing thing is I think this kid is fantastic, brilliant, and funny.  And here I thought that, compared to his siblings at that age, he is extremely advanced. I'm just glad for the explanation of what his needs are and the future help we will get to help him.   Now we just need to get his fine & gross motor skills tested and then they'll be able to tell me what he services he qualifies for.

So my advice is that it is better to know now then to wait and find out later when its harder for the kids to catch up.  If you have any questions about how your child fares it is best to have him/her tested. Then they can be ahead of the game instead of feeling like they're falling behind.   You can find out if there are any programs or testing through your local school district as well as doing an online search for programs similar to Kids on the Move that work with children ages 0-3 with health issues, occupational therapy, speech therapy and developmental delays.

Things you never thought you'd say. . .

"Because I said so, that's why. . .  "

"Just wait until your father gets home . . . "

"No TV until you've practice you're piano . . . "


Any of these sound familiar?  We all go through a phase as parents where we swear we will never say the same things that our parents said to us.  And yet, at some point we usually do.  Well, have you ever thought of the things you find yourself saying that you never thought in a million years you would say. Ever. Period. ?????


Like . . .

"That pizza cutter does not go up your butt crack."

"That turkey baster doesn't go in your bell button."

"That sock doesn't go over your privates."

Yep, that's one my sweet husband had to say last night.  And having sensory kids who are potty training we've said a lot worse.  Our kids do things by feel, touch, and taste.  And some of the things we've had to stop or kids from doing aren't appropriate to post here.  But oh boy have we found ourselves blushing, laughing, and shaking our heads.


So while I'm busy disinfecting clothes and kitchen ware how about you tell me what are some of the strangest things you ever found yourself saying to your children?

Recovering From the Flu

Last week was an eventful one for our family. In the middle of the night one night Rose began to throw up. She was sick so often that I ended up sleeping on her floor just to make sure she is okay. Then two days later about two a.m. Juniper started throwing up.  Followed later the next night by my husband. The next morning Cyprus joined the club, and later that afternoon I was last in line.  Did I mention it was the day before my birthday.

When you have five people in the house who are ill you have to mix things up. Toilet training went out the window for a few days and random things became "throw up bowls" (in fact now we need new Easter buckets for next year).  Even my modified nutritional plan went out the window. Not only could I not eat every 3 hours a fat, a carb, and a protein,  I couldn't keep anything down and I was far from hungry.

So now that we've survived last week its now time to get everyone back on our routine--back to potty training, back to eating right, and back to working with the kids on their summer homework.  It might take me a little longer to get back to exercise group though.  Oh well. One thing at a time.

Good Days Bad Days

I love my kids. They are brilliant, funny, amazing children. That said, we have our good days and our bad days. The other day the kids did amazing going to the Aquarium with a large crowd. They had fun, stayed by us fairly well, and came home exhausted.  Saturday Cyprus had a huge win and took himself to the potty. Juniper is quick with a hug and the first to say "Our you okay?" when his klutzy mommy gets hurt.  Those are all brilliant awesome moments that make being a mom great.

Today is a hard day. For example, my daughter has had the flu since Saturday night and throwing up everything. And our potty training little boys are going through a regressive stage. We've been letting them run around half-naked in order of getting a better understanding of things work with their bodies. And we've had some major wins as they are progressing. However, the last two days they've been either holding everything until they are in pull-ups for rest time or bed time or they just pee all over the couch.

During the last week I've been doing quite times after lunch because, let's be honest, this mommy needs a sanity break. But just because its "quiet time" doesn't mean this house is "quiet". The boys are going through the lets be as rough as we can while wrestling and pulling/pushing each other until someone gets hurt phase. And between that, the vomiting, and the pee regression I kicked into Mommy Cleaning Hamster.  It's how I deal with stress. No its not the best way (and I'm working on that), but its what I do. If I get overly stressed I clean.  So I started cleaning up the vomit and peed on living room floor with our carpet cleaner while the boys were supposed to be eating lunch (Rose was upstairs resting on our bed). I had to move the couch to do it. The boys took this as a sign to forget all about lunch and jump all over the couch.

As I was cleaning they were pulling on the cord to trip each other up, beating each other, and Joseph was even wrapping the cord around his neck.  I put them back at the table several times, tried doing the techniques our occupational therapist is teaching us, but what mommy was doing was way too fun.  Finally, after pushing too far they both got swatted on the bum and told to go to their rooms. 

They laughed.

It was too much for this mommy.  With a few inappropriate cuss words I picked each kid up (one at a time), tossed them fireman style over my shoulder (its safer that way when you've had back surgery) and marched them upstairs, and put them in their room, placing the security gate on their door and closing the one on top of the stairs. Then I went down stairs, cursed some more, and finished cleaning.

Logically the whole time I was telling myself This is not how to deal with. You are going overboard. They're just begging for some direct interaction with you. Emotionally is a whole different story.  I knew I was pushed too far, and I knew cussing and swatting wasn't going to be successful with my kids and their needs (and might make matters worse).  All I knew was that in situations like that it is best to put your kids somewhere where they are safe, can't harm each other, and where you can walk away.  So I did.

It's not a proud mommy moment, but its an honest one.  All I can say is that each moment I will try to make better than the last. And every chance I get I will hug and hold my kids, tell them I love them and try and let them know when they've gone to far.  And if I have to then help pay for whatever shrink they might need down the road.

In the end, tomorrow is a new day and I will do my best to be a better mom than I was today.

Fear of Dentist

Candid moment here. . . .I am afraid of the dentist.  I have crappy teeth.  I brush my teeth. I've gotten a lot better at flossing daily and I always go to the dentist. But no matter how hard I take care of my teeth I usually still end up with cavities, needing root canals, etc.  Between that and the fact that my kids have special needs I am terrified to bring my kids to the dentist.  It took four years for me to be willing to bring Rose. And then the second time I brought her she actually had a cavity.  She did great, but I keep waiting for the meltdowns.  We went for our regular checkup this week and I am happy and proud to say that for once neither of us actually had any cavities, though Rose is working on getting way too many adult teeth all at once.

But here is the true confession, because of my paranoia about what might happen I haven't even brought Cyprus or Juniper to the dentist, even once. Cyprus is Autistic and we've just learned that Juniper is showing signs of Autism and ADHD.  So the thought of taking them to a dentist where they have to have x-rays of their teeth while sitting still in a room full of strangers is enough to make this Mom go a little sensory avoidance herself and want to curl in a ball in a corner.

My awesome dentist has offered to have an initial visit where Cyprus can just look around, play in the chair and greet everyone, but I'm still honestly working up the courage.  One of these days I will get there. I know how important it is to take care of your teeth.  I just have to be able to handle it first.

Novel Study Helps With Bloody Noses

I'm a writer. So I'm frequently researching things for future novels. Recently, I've been studying into outdoor survival and in extreme circumstances.  I've even learned how to start a fire with a tampon and how to stay hidden in a jungle amidst gorilla warfare.  So now I'm totally prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse , granted I haven't had much practical experience yet.

One of the shows I had watched was Worst Case Scenario with Bear Grylls on Netflix instant streaming. During the segments where they are going to commercial break Bear discusses less life-threatening scenarios like the best way to get your thumb unstuck from a bowling ball and what to do if your fingers are stuck together with superglue.

He did a particular segment on the best way to get rid of bloody noses. Oddly enough he said to put pressure on the skin between your upper lip and your nose for something like 30 seconds.  Well, this week alone two of my kids had bloody noses and I suddenly remembered this piece of research from two months ago.  I tried it out on my kids and  . . . it works.

So try it out next time your little ones come running to you covered in a bloody faucet of ooze (unless it isn't a bloody nose, then you should call the cops or the hospital as needed).

Braving One Day At A Time

Today I braved taking the kids to the park, granted I knew I was meeting friends there that could and would help if things got out of hand.  But we made it.  The kids ran rampant, got all sweaty, and did a lot of sliding.  There were a few times Juniper tried to make a beeline for the street but a loud "uh uh uh" from me or my friends stopped him.  You could actually see him trying to figure out in his mind if it was worth disobeying four women vs. just one mom.  Three out of the four times he turned around and went back to the play area. 

The fourth time he was running past the sand volleyball quart toward the busier street and an oncoming monster lawnmower. We called for him to stop and this time he thought about it and then kept running. Thanks to a lighter body and being prepared with running shoes I caught up to him long before the super park lawn mowing machine got near. "Poor" little guy was stuck sitting with mommy until it was time to go.

Well practice makes perfect and today showed that we're a little closer with our practice.  Thursday we're going to brave taking the kids to the new aquarium with a bunch of other special needs families. We'll see how they brave that one.

The Car Wash Monster

After going to exercise group this morning my kids and I hit the gas station. Oh a whim I decided to splurge for the cheapest car wash. I thought the kids would get a kick out of it.  I never saw such diverse reactions, yet so in line with each child.

Rose - Laughing. "The car is being tickled."

Cyprus - Clearly thinking I wonder how I can take this all apart to see how it works.

Juniper - Screaming/Crying I don't like this. The cars being eaten by a monster!  Get me out of here.


So next time you think of surprising your kids with a unique treat think first about whether or not it will give your child nightmares (and then maybe do it anyway).

What do you do. . . ?

What do you do if you have a drama child?

Today I had one that was playing with my Kindle and when it ran out of power started screaming (literally) "I'm doomed. I'm doomed. I'll never play a game ever again."

This has happened all day long in regards to a number of things and I'm just at a loss on how to handle.

So. . .ready . . .go, what do you do to handle a child that makes everything into an extreme drama issue?

Trusting Yourself

This post is more about me than my wonderful family, however it can apply when having to deal with specialists or doctors regarding anyone.  In recent months my heart has been beating faster than normal, they call it tachycardia, but the doctors have been unable to narrow down the root cause.

"It may be this. . . "

"Or it may be that. . . "

"You should give up these medications. . . "

"Oh but the repercussions would be bad if you gave up those medication. . . "


What it comes down to is listening to my mother-in-law who told me to listen to myself.   I know my family. I know me and my history. As brilliant as doctors and specialists are they don't know me as well as I do.  If something about their opinion doesn't "feel" right or sit well with you, then listen to your heart and trust your instincts.

So I'm going to trust myself and keep doing what I'm doing to get healthier.

As for my kids I once had someone tell me they though little Juniper was "normal", but I'm glad I listened to my heart these last few months. Whether or not he was "normal" when they saw him he is delayed now. So I'm glad that I listened to my heart and followed through on getting the help that I need.

So in the end trust your heart, your instincts, your conscience. . .whatever you call it, and go forth and conquer with no fear.

Drops of Awesomeness Potty Training Style

We have been spending the last 6 months trying to cut back costs wherever we can in order to live within our means. We've gotten to the point that there isn't much else we can cut out, except diapers.
So, in a moment of either bravery or insanity, we are potty training both boys at once.  Oh boy!!!!  Today is day 5 (I think - the days are merging together). 

One thing I am learning (or being reminded of) with potty training special need kids is that it is really hard for me not to get frustrated when they purposely go elsewhere other than the potty. I need to step back, reign in my emotions, smile and walk them through the steps again. I just need to show them each time where the poop and pee go, help them clean it up, smile, tell them I love them and that we'll try again next time.

I'm learning that I need to focus on the little wins, like "hey, they're learning to hold it a little more" as they run around butt naked.  And "hey, I got peed on less today". And "man am I glad we own a carpet cleaner."

No my kids aren't typical, but they are worth the time and effort.

Fireworks

Happy Independence Day everyone.

One thing I've learned through my short years as a mother of special needs kids is that you have to be prepared for anything (or at least be flexible).

Once or twice we tried to have the kids stay up to watch the fireworks displays. We live in a wonderful place where we don't even have to go anywhere to watch them. All we do is turn off the lights, meet in our bedroom and pile on the bed. Then, turning off the lights, we simply watch the fireworks out our bedroom window--no fights for parking, no worrying about whether, and if the kids are tired their beds are just feet away. However, they've only opted to watch fireworks with us twice during the time they have been a part of our lives.   Usually its too late at night for them and our kids find them scary instead of pretty.

The interesting thing about July 4th for our family living in Utah is that there are always fireworks anytime from the end of June through the end of July due to all the local towns special festivals & parades.  So each year I try and take time to sit each child on my lap and explain to them that they are going to hear loud bangs and pops outside at night and that its okay. We have to warn them in advance so that the loud noise doesn't bother them.  This year I've even propped Rose up so she can look out her window in case any of the neighbors set off their own fireworks.  We'll see how it goes.

Be The Best Mom For Today

For the last nine months or so I have been meeting with a counselor to help me learn how to cope with some of the craziness of my life. She has been an amazing help.  I met with her again today and we talked about some of the struggles of being a mom to three special needs kids. The difficulty is that each kid needs help in different ways and I often have difficulty adjusting between methods when all three kids need me at once.

She reminded me of something that I used to tell myself all the time long before I ever had kids. "Be the best you for today, whatever that means."  She modified it to "Be the best mom you can be for today. Your best maybe different from day to day, but never stop trying to be the best mom for whatever that means for today."

There are sometimes in life where we seem to handle things better. Then there are days where the littlest things throw our game totally off.  (In all honesty its the exact same thing for kids.) Our best will change each day. The goal is to figure out what your best is for today and work to be that.

So I have days where the tv is my lifesaver and the kids end up spending much to much time in front of it. But on those days I just try to make sure that whatever they watch is educational. Hence all the Team Umizoomi, Your Baby Can Read, Blues Clues, School House Rock, and They Might Be Giants videos that my kids watch.

Other days where my best as a mom is better then we can turn off the tv, go to exercise group, play with bubbles, or go to the park.  As for today, my best this morning was pretty good, but this afternoon went downhill. However, no matter the gear shifting I have to do, I will never give up striving to be the best mom for my particular kids.  They are pretty awesome kids afterall.

Enforcing Boundaries

Today I took the kids with me to our local exercise group. We used to go all the time, but had to stop for health reasons. Just recently we have started to go again, but now my kids don't remember the rules. While the moms workout in the gym the kids get to play with toys on the blue carpeted overflow next to us. Today my kids were the only little ones there and they decided to push the boundaries.

Rose was supposed to be working on her homework first -two pages in her 1st grade practice book--before she was allowed to play with the toys. This is something that should take 15 minutes max. Yeah by the end of an hour she had lost several privileges and was still forced to finish her two pages. And now she is mad at me because the consequence of her actions was to be grounded from mommy's kindle until after lunch. Oh well.

Cyprus decided to see if he could get away with lining up all the vehicle toys and shoving them out onto the gym floor so he "had" to go get them. Once he was out there then he should get to play right?  Yeah, no. He got two time outs (sitting buckled in the double stroller until ready try again).

Now, Juniper is Juniper. He's a three-strikes and you're out kind of kid. He tried escaping out the gym door twice. Then on the third time I stood with him on the carpet and showed him where it was okay to play and that he should not cross the boundary on to the gym floor. So this kid runs up and down the line separating the two rooms and then, while I'm looking directly at him, taps one toe over the line onto the gym floor. He got three time outs which left him in the stroller until the end of class.

I understand that all kids need boundaries and rules, but special needs kids need a clear understanding of them to help regulate their behavior. The goal now is for this tired mommy to stay consistent in enforcing the boundaries so that they do become totally clear.

So here's to trying again tomorrow.

Good Books for Kids

I love books.  I'm addicted to them and I want to pass on that love to my children.

My daughter loves books, but has a hard time sitting still for them. My boys don't have the patience for sitting to hear a story and due to their communication issues I'm not sure how much they retain when they overhear it.

So here is my polling questions for the week:

1) What are your favorite books to read with your little ones?


2) How do you get your kids to sit down long enough for a story?

Early Child Intervention

Today I took Juniper to his first meeting with the Early Child Intervention people for our local school district. They put us in a room where there was this awesome train table so that J could play while we talked about what happens in the transition process.

The first question they asked me was "What are you concerns for J?"

I honestly drew a blank. Compared to Rose and Cyprus J seems downright advanced in his speech for his age, as well as his fine and gross motor skills. I mean the kid can say 3-5 word sentences. 

Then they asked, "Does he follow instructions?"

I laughed (and when I told my husband he laughed too). Frank said it best, "J doesn't acknowledge instructions."

Then in all honesty I told them that J has had to fight for everything--our attention, toys, etc. I'm sorry he's gotten jipped a bit, but the last few years have been a bunch of swear words tied into one long string of trials. Only now are we at a point as a family that we can start focusing on the things we need to again. That's why Juniper is finally getting the help he apparently needs.

I explained to them that he doesn't take no for an answer, he takes it for a challenge. I mean the kid uses the lazy susan in our kitchen as a latter to get to the knives (yeah still looking for a safe hiding place for our knife block).  Juniper also has a tendency if he isn't getting his way to do a whale-breach type flop on the floor (or into my face when appropriate).

The sweet ladies listened politely while taking a lot of notes. Then circled 4-5 areas on a piece of paper as to what to test him on the next time we go back. Then came the fun part. . . telling J it was time to go.

Did I mention he was playing with this incredibly awesome train table while we were talking.  Yeah, he did everything not to get caught. In the end one of the ladies went one direction and I went the other until we could trap him in between us. Then we went out front to schedule J's testing date. While I worked on that he played with this enormous block that had stringy things and beads, and an abacus, etc. When I told him it was time to leave he threw a massive tantrum all the way out to the car.

Yeah, so at least he behaved the ladies with a visual aide of what he does at home. We'll see how he does when he's tested at the end of July.  In the meantime, I am extremely grateful for patient women who know how to work with kids like mine. My life would be a lot crazier without you.

Thank You Lego Movie

Often times mornings with "special needs" kids can be a trial. If mommy doesn't get things just right from the get go then the whole day can turn into a battle or a meltdown.  Even though my kids need routines to make sense of their world there "strong-will" often gets in the way as they try to be in charge. If I let them in charge they would never get dressed, eat breakfast within a certain time frame, etc.

So I was surprised at how my daughter was impacted by the release of the LEGO movie on DVD. We never took the kids to see if at the movie theater because they can't sit still/do well being confined in one place for so long. A few weeks ago, as soon as it came out on DVD, we bought the movie and showed the kids.  Now, thanks to Emmett the construction worker, my daughter has started going through a list of things she needs to accomplish in the morning to start the day.

Today, for the first time, Rose got dressed of her own accord, without prompting or fighting. She then brushed her teeth, asked where her brush was so she could brush her hair, etc.

So thank you LEGO Movie for getting my daughter to do something she normally wouldn't do. You are my hero.

More Help

Last week Kids on the Move (KOTM) came to test my son Juniper.  Now KOTM helps kids between 0-3 years old that are developmentally delayed. They bring in all forces to help teach the parents and the kids how to strengthen and possibly overcome these delays. By the time we learned about KOTM they weren't able to help Rose because she was already 3 years old. So we worked with the local school district for her. But KOTM helped my Cyprus when he was 2 1/2 and were the first to tell me that he was possibly Autistic. They were right. 

At the time KOTM was working with Cyprus they mentioned (just from observation) that they didn't think Juniper was delayed. So I left it at that. I didn't have him tested.  Besides he started speaking a lot earlier and with more proficiency that either Cyprus or Rose. But for the last several months I have been struggling with all three kids. I felt that I needed help and a little break. Plus, with two unique children before him, I had no clue whether or not he had delays or was just being strong-willed.  It was then that I decided that when he turned three in the fall I would have the school district test him to see if he could get into the preschool with his brother.  Then I started thinking, "Why not have Kids on the Move come and test him now. That way I would at least finally know if he was normal or delayed.

It turns out that he's delayed. Now some of it maybe from mimicking the behavior of his older siblings. Some of it can be sure stubbornness, or it could be he truly is delayed. We're still trying to figure that out. Well today the KOTM nurse came out to check out his general health history and to test his ears/eyes. We know now that his vision and hearing are normal. So we've ruled that out. She told me that the occupational therapist will call me next and he'll come out to help work with us on Juniper's sleep, eating, etc., struggles.

So the long and short of this post. . .if you struggling with your kids don't wait and try to muddle through. Seek/ask for help--from family, friends, local programs. You don't have to do this alone. There are people with the knowledge you need to help meet your kids needs and to make your life a little more sensible. At least in the end you would be able to find out if you need the help in the first place or just a nice long vacation to reboot yourself.