I love my kids. They are brilliant, funny, amazing children. That said, we have our good days and our bad days. The other day the kids did amazing going to the Aquarium with a large crowd. They had fun, stayed by us fairly well, and came home exhausted. Saturday Cyprus had a huge win and took himself to the potty. Juniper is quick with a hug and the first to say "Our you okay?" when his klutzy mommy gets hurt. Those are all brilliant awesome moments that make being a mom great.
Today is a hard day. For example, my daughter has had the flu since Saturday night and throwing up everything. And our potty training little boys are going through a regressive stage. We've been letting them run around half-naked in order of getting a better understanding of things work with their bodies. And we've had some major wins as they are progressing. However, the last two days they've been either holding everything until they are in pull-ups for rest time or bed time or they just pee all over the couch.
During the last week I've been doing quite times after lunch because, let's be honest, this mommy needs a sanity break. But just because its "quiet time" doesn't mean this house is "quiet". The boys are going through the lets be as rough as we can while wrestling and pulling/pushing each other until someone gets hurt phase. And between that, the vomiting, and the pee regression I kicked into Mommy Cleaning Hamster. It's how I deal with stress. No its not the best way (and I'm working on that), but its what I do. If I get overly stressed I clean. So I started cleaning up the vomit and peed on living room floor with our carpet cleaner while the boys were supposed to be eating lunch (Rose was upstairs resting on our bed). I had to move the couch to do it. The boys took this as a sign to forget all about lunch and jump all over the couch.
As I was cleaning they were pulling on the cord to trip each other up, beating each other, and Joseph was even wrapping the cord around his neck. I put them back at the table several times, tried doing the techniques our occupational therapist is teaching us, but what mommy was doing was way too fun. Finally, after pushing too far they both got swatted on the bum and told to go to their rooms.
They laughed.
It was too much for this mommy. With a few inappropriate cuss words I picked each kid up (one at a time), tossed them fireman style over my shoulder (its safer that way when you've had back surgery) and marched them upstairs, and put them in their room, placing the security gate on their door and closing the one on top of the stairs. Then I went down stairs, cursed some more, and finished cleaning.
Logically the whole time I was telling myself This is not how to deal with. You are going overboard. They're just begging for some direct interaction with you. Emotionally is a whole different story. I knew I was pushed too far, and I knew cussing and swatting wasn't going to be successful with my kids and their needs (and might make matters worse). All I knew was that in situations like that it is best to put your kids somewhere where they are safe, can't harm each other, and where you can walk away. So I did.
It's not a proud mommy moment, but its an honest one. All I can say is that each moment I will try to make better than the last. And every chance I get I will hug and hold my kids, tell them I love them and try and let them know when they've gone to far. And if I have to then help pay for whatever shrink they might need down the road.
In the end, tomorrow is a new day and I will do my best to be a better mom than I was today.
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