Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Surprises

Illness has been spreading around our house for the last few weeks.  First it was colds and then it migrated into the stomach flu. Mom and Dad were the last ones to get it. So while three special needs kids ran rampant around the house my husband and I were doubled over or flat in bed.  Happy day.  On one of the few moments that I could climb out of bed and come downstairs to spend time with the kids I sat on the couch and watched the kids play.  After a little while Cyprus pulls out an alphabet book about Noah's Ark and starts to read it. He actually read it.  He's 4.  I was flabbergasted.  He got through the Es all by himself.  My jaw dropped and I looked at my husband.  He said, "Yeah, he started last night."

Took us all by surprise. That's what we get for be physically/mentally out of it for a while. The kids surprise us.  Granted I gladly blame his preschool teacher. She is awesome that way.  I'm really impressed by Cyprus right now.

Friday, November 7, 2014

Let There Be Light

Just some random things I learned recently:

I was reading this fascinating article (How To Design a Calming Room For Autistic Kids) to try and figure out if there was a way for me to make our home more suited to my children's needs. What I learned astounded me.  I did everything wrong. Well, maybe not wrong, but not the best. My kids share a bedroom and I wanted to paint it fun colors to fit both boys and my daughter. So I painted the bottom half purple and the top half bright yellow.  As for my living room I painted it start white the week before I had back surgery (about a year and a half ago) and I've hated it ever since. Thanks to this article I learned that neutral tones and muted colors work best not to over-sensitize my special needs children.

One of the other things I learned was that autistic children react better to LED lights rather than regular or fluorescent lights.  Fluorescent lights especially bother special needs kids because of the electrical hum it gives off. 

So in order to help our kids feel more calm at home we are doing little projects over the next year or so to modify things around the house.  The first thing we did was hold a gourmet cupcake sale to earn money for a little porch swing to help our children get the proprioceptive movement they crave.  Today the swing came in the mail, so tomorrow we get to put it together.  I'm so excited.

Secondly, my husband replaced our dining room light fixture today and put in new LED lights.  Suddenly all the other rooms in the house look a sickly yellow while our dining room is this beautiful white light.  I guess we'll have to work to replace the rest of the lights slowly over time (LED lights are not cheap but use less power and last longer).

So if you have special needs kids, especially those on the Autism Spectrum, you might want to look around your house to see if there are little tweaks you can do that will help make life a little more calming for your little one.  As for me, I'll keep you posted as to how our three kids react to the changes we're making.

Good luck and remember, you are an awesome parent.

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Courage in All Shapes and Sizes

For the last several weeks I have struggled, well in all honesty since my three year old gave me a concussion, with depression and anxiety. I have panic attacks going to book club or to church activities or even being home alone with my kids, but I can be totally content out in public surrounded by strangers who don't talk to me. I freak out that I'm not going to be good enough, that in-spite of all that I learned and all that I know, that I'm going to fail.  Life can be overwhelming, especially when you feel like you are no longer in control.

But in all the panicking and the health issues and the constant ambiguousness of life I've come to see amazing things.  I see courage in other people. I saw courage in the eyes of a little girl who apologized to my daughter for something.  I see courage in my stepsons who keep placing one step in front of another, even when its hard to know which direction to travel.  I see courage in a friend who is facing a difficult past.  I see courage in family members who keep going forward even when life hands them more twists and turns than they think they can handle. 

You may or may not believe in a Heavenly Father or God. Then again you may.  I for one do, though there is so much that I do not understand.  But one thing I have learned through my trails is that I have the opportunity to learn so much from them. And during these struggles of health, worry for my family, and depression is that I am surrounded by amazing people that I can learn from.  And for one, I thank my Heavenly Father for taking such great care in introducing me to each and every individual.  I am grateful for their courage and their love and friendship.

And most of all I'm grateful for every morning and every stressful, glorious moment with my children.  I may not understand why I am going through the trails that I am, but I'm going to make sure that I learn the most while I'm here.  And I guess that means that I have my own version of courage each and every day.

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Dealing with Food Sensitivities During the Holidays

All three of my kids are picky eaters, and I mean to the extreme. They do not like mixed textures. Food cannot be touching on the plate. And you can forget about using bribes to make them eat.  They are totally happy to give up eating, video games, books, basically anything to avoid eating something that just doesn't look right. 

In essence, that means breakfast is dry cereal on a plate with a glass of milk on the side and half a banana (except for Rose who has decided she no longer likes bananas).  Lunch consists of either peanut butter jelly sandwiches or mac 'n cheese (pre-fabricated boxed version only - no homemade allowed) and an apple.    And dinner is either grilled cheese sandwiches or chicken nuggets and fries, or pizza and some fruit that only Rose will eat.  Snacks can be crackers, goldfish, fruit snacks, or granola bars.

Now we still try to induce things they used to eat all the time, like avocados, non-breaded poultry, lettuce, carrots, etc. But pretty much the kids just give us the dirtiest of looks and would rather go to their bedrooms than eat. Our doctor told us to expect it to take at least 72 times of trying to reintroduce a food before they will try it again.

Sometimes we can convince Rose to sniff or lick something, but there has to be an outstanding prize at the end of that trial for her to be willing to endure even that much taste-testing.

The other difficulty with dealing with their food sensitivities can be seen as a positive or negative thing.  My boys don't like sweets. They might lick a lollipop, but only if they are in the mood. And once upon a time they liked Smarties, but no more.  They won't eat birthday cake and Rose will only eat the frosting.  They won't eat ice-cream and they'll eat donuts, but only if they are plain-glazed. As you can probably guess that makes birthdays, Halloween, and other holidays quite perplexing for our family.

We go trick or treating for Halloween, but only because my kids enjoy the act, but then they don't eat 90% of their candy (that's for me and my thighs to resolve). For their birthdays I have to get pretty inventive. Last year I put a candle in a donut for Cyprus' birthday. He loved blowing out the candle, but then he didn't even eat the donut (and it was plain).  I've even taken to requesting one cupcake for my own birthday, because what's the point of getting an entire cake that Frank and I can't even make it through.  As for my husband, he prefers pie.

Now we are faced with Thanksgiving around the corner.  For many years Frank and I have resorted to just cooking two Turkey breasts.  We are partial to white meat and our kids won't eat turkey period. Then I make a smaller version of all the side dishes (again because the kids won't eat mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, stuffing, or cranberry sauce).  So this year we've decided What's the point? Especially since my new dietary restrictions due to health reasons limit my eating of stuffing and mashed potatoes.  And I'm tired of being the one to eat all the leftovers anyway.

This year I think we're going to take two other options of things I should eat on an extremely limit basis and eat that instead, knowing that are kids won't eat it anyway.   So instead we are going to make Turkey BLTA sandwiches on Costco croissants and maybe for another meal we'll make this awesome Chicken Cordon Bleu Lasagna. That way I get a momentary splurge, Frank and I will enjoy our meals, and we'll just make the kids mac 'n cheese and we'll all be happy.

As for Christmas time, since we don't have any family living nearby we've taken to ordering out for Chinese on Christmas day. That way I don't have to cook and we still get yummy food.  It may seem really sad, but when you have three kids with serious issues regarding food you make things work as you can.

Welcome to my world. I still pray that one of these days every meal won't be such a struggle, but I've come to learn you do what you have to.  I love my little crazy life.

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Surviving Church

I love church. I love the uplifting nature of church. I love having the reminders of what is truly important in life and I love the feeling of peace I get when I go to church.  But. . . .ever since I had children (even before I learned they were all special needs) I struggled with how to keep my children reverent during sacrament meeting.  I always felt like the biggest failure because my kids were the ones screaming, jumping, talking loudly, etc.  It was especially hard when we had little Juniper. The kids out numbered the adults. We did not have enough hands.  Then, to top it off, my husband was called to lead the music and choir during sacrament meeting. Suddenly, I feared going to church and having to deal with all three children all by myself. And to top if off, that is about the time we learned that all three of our kids had special needs.

It got to the point that it was almost a relief if my kids got sick because then I could stay home to take care of them without fearing that they would disrupt the ability of everyone else to feel the spirit and peace I longed for at church.  But the more often that my kids got sick the more I missed church. I missed the beautiful music, the peaceful spirit, and being able to partake of the sacrament.  But on the few occasions I would take the kids I would usually end up bruised, battered, and in tears. 

With the help of some wonderful family and friends I have learned several tips on how to prepare for church so that I have a greater chance of not ending up being a physical/emotional wreck afterwards. Here are some of the things I've learned;

  1. Sit by someone who is willing to help in time of need - Every week, my wonderful friend whose daughters babysit my kids save us a seat in the pew immediately behind them. If we don't show up by five minutes before the meeting starts then they give the seat to someone else. But if we do come then we always have a seat saved for us. And the beauty of sitting behind this amazing family is that if I need help I just tap them on the shoulder and they come to the rescue.  I've handed Juniper over to the mom several times when I've had to deal with Rose and Cyprus.  The daughters have even taken kids to the bathroom for me when needed or come and sit with me when things get too overwhelming.
  2. Take a snack - I know some people are against giving kids snacks during sacrament meeting, but I heard a talk once during one of our regional or general conferences that stated that you do what ever you need as a parent to help your kids be there and be reverent. Because if they are at least there, then they get the feeling of peace and they still hear what is going on around the. And if it takes a snack to help them be there and survive through it, then it takes a snack. Just be willing to clean up afterwards if needed.  I usually pack either craisins or fruit snacks, or baby puffs and a sippy cup with water in it for all of my kids.
  3. Activities - Some of the best activities I've found to help my kids be quieter during church include coloring books, church related kids books, dry erase marker books, quiet puzzle folders, word cards, and on really hard Sundays I'll let them play word and puzzle apps on my Kindle, but only if the volume is turned all the way down.
I usually prepare their church/diaper bag hours in advance to make sure I have all the necessary snacks, crayons, books, etc., in a desperate hope that it will be a great day. Does it always work? No. But it works the majority of the time.  And my husband has even started asking people to do musical numbers so that he can come sit by us during the majority of the meeting. Then when its time to sing the closing hymn he goes back up to the stand to lead the music.

Even though it would be easier for me to always stay home every Sunday, and less distracting for everyone else, I would be teaching my kids the wrong message -- that church isn't important. But for our family it is. The peace and knowledge we get from being there is vital to our survival.  I still may not always make it, but when I do I will be as prepared as I can to make it a good experience for the entire family. I hope these suggestions help you as well.