Emotion vs. Devotion

I am an emotional person. When I get upset I clean. When I'm tired, headachy, emotional, overwhelmed, then I turn to food.  My weapon of choice is cherry Coke and anything delectable, preferably laced with chocolate or caramel. So in other words, my emotions tend to dictate how I deal with the world.


Now I'm not saying that food is bad, and cleaning isn't necessarily bad either. In fact, I think they're great things, especially if someone else is doing the cooking or cleaning.  However, I'm letting them rule my life rather than be a part of it.


For the last two Monday's for family night we've been reading through the book Good Pictures, Bad Pictures to our children. (To read my review of this book, click here: Good Pictures, Bad Pictures.)  It's a short story that opens up a discussion with your kids about the dangers of pornography.  And yet I am learning how the same ideas impact me in other ways. 


This book explains that there are two major parts to your brain - the thinking brain and the feeling brain. It explains in terms that kids can understand that the feeling brain is that part that tells your body what it needs to survive. It also kicks in the fight or flight mode and deals with rewards when you give your body what it thinks it needs to survive.  The thinking brain is the part of your mind that helps you to make decisions, especially between right and wrong. 


In  Good Pictures, Bad Pictures it talks about how pornography can trick you into becoming addicted to where your body feels like it needs it to survive. The book helps to teach that it is possible to make your thinking brain in charge and allows you to focus on the choice that is right for you.


Now what does this have to do with food and emotions? Well, for years I have allowed my feeling brain to decide that I have to have certain foods to survive my emotions. On the days that I've had little sleep and my cute trio of scientists are keeping me on my toes every waking/and not so waking moments in hopes that they don't destroy the house I turn to soda after soda and sweet treat after sweet treat.  


It's only in the last few months, especially since I've been reading this book with our kids, have I come to realize that the habit of eating or cleaning has become an addiction, a coping mechanism for me to deal with stress. It's not healthy in the fact that I always go too far. I clean until I'm incapacitated. Or I eat so much junk food that I feel so ill afterwards.


Again, the food and cleaning are not the bad things. It's my letting them control me that makes it wrong.  So I'm learning to let my thinking brain be in charge. For the last three weeks I have been working with this amazing friend of mine who is a nutritionist who has become my mentor.  She is teaching me to eat the foods that give me the most benefits, and helps reduce the natural bloating that some foods cause. At first I was doing it simply to lose the weight, and it aligned with what my doctor wanted me to do anyway. But now I'm learning just how much I have given into emotional eating in the past.


I've been working since the beginning of the year to start drinking more water (especially since dehydration is an instant migraine trigger for me) and to eat more veggies.  Slowly I started losing some weight. Then, for the last three weeks, I've been on a cleanse to kind of clean out my system and push me towards eating even better. Because of this I've gone without bread/gluten, dairy, processed sugar and grains (except brown rice, quinoa and oats). In that time I've learned just exactly how much I put cheese on everything. I've also learned that I don't really need dressing on salad and if I do I don't need more than about a teaspoon.  I've also learned that one meal at McDonalds can use my entire daily amount of calories, fat, carbs and sodium.  But since I've started eating clean I eat a ton more food and rarely reach my daily limits.


This time has also pointed out to me exactly how often I turn to junk food. I've found myself so often reaching for a cookie, soda, or something else only to stop and let my thinking brain tell me that I don't really need to eat that.


Now I don't think I will permanently 100% be this strict. The current program is for 8 weeks. But I am using this program to teach me how good being in charge of your own health can feel.  Even when I'm done I will not go back to putting cheese on absolutely everything. I will also devote myself to not giving into stress cravings. And I will not turn to soda for instant energy. I will still allow myself decadent desserts, but more sparingly and well planned instead of knee-jerk reaction.  And when I do eat the desserts I will promise to myself to enjoy it thoroughly (per recommendation of my counselor) and then move more afterwards.


So in the end I am learning the power of self. The power of me to overcome addictive behaviors controlled by my emotions and instead be more devoted to do those things to strengthen myself physically and emotionally.  And a positive side effect is that so far this year I've lost 28 pounds. My long-term goal is to break below 200 before I turn 40 next year. If I can do that, it will be the first time I've done it since I was in Junior High.  Now that's a goal I can let my thinking brain be in charge of.