Being a Mom is hard work and in all honesty there are some days that I just break down and cry. There have been a lot of these days lately with struggles with my Mom's cancer, my parents' ensuing divorce, and trying to communicate with two specially created kids and one beautifully terrible two toddler. Oh and through in being on experimental levels of hormone therapy and you have an amazing time bomb waiting to happen.
Usually when I'm that stressed I turn to chocolate, but for now, for health reasons, I am on a highly restricted diet that makes it hard to do emotional eating. Which is good, right? Right? I'm still debating that.
So when food isn't an option, and probably even if it is, its important to lean on family and friends. We have no family living near us and my best friend is several states away (definitely out of hug reach). As such, I find solace in my church friends/family and, funny enough, through Facebook. I have an amazing support group and when I'm down they tend to say (or type) the right thing that I need to hear at that moment.
For example, my daughter is like me (poor girl), if she's tired or hungry then she's irritable. And now that she's six I can see that when she is not handling life well, it is for one of these reasons. But how do you get a six year old to understand that her Mom is the same way? I haven't found out this trick yet.
Another example, my sweet Autistic four year old does not seem to get "no" or any idea of limits. He also sees no barriers. If he can't reach something that he think looks interesting he will work tirelessly at creating methods of trying to get it until he does. In fact, I think I need someone to design me an autistic centered-child proof house. We also have a water table out back for the kids to play with. This kid is so creative that he's decided that his sister's stuffed dolphin and whales need to take a swim. No matter how many times or ways that I try to help him understand that stuffed animals aren't meant to take a dive I will still find a wet dolphin or whale laying on the grass next to/or sometimes still in the water table.
And then there's my little Juniper. He is an amazing two year old and he's good at it, but he's still humorous and huggable. But last week I went away for a couple days to a writer's convention and ever since I got back he hits me, on and off through the entire day to get back at me for leaving. And if he doesn't get his well he will bodily throw himself on the floor flailing in an artistic tantrum.
I love these kids more than my life. I wouldn't trade them for anything. But that doesn't change the fact that sometimes they are hard to deal with. There are even some days I feel like a non-entity--like I'm their mommy-cyborg. After a day of dealing with that I just want to sit down and cry (and often do).
That's when I talk to my friends, call my mom or mom-in-law, or post a request for advice on Facebook (especially the Autistic Support Group), and cry on my husband's shoulder. If you have good friends/family they will say the thing that will give you the momentum to pick yourself up and to keep going. So please, don't ever try to endure being a Mom alone, even if you are a single Mom. Look for those around you that can provide the support you need to keep going. We're all in it together, one way or another. Good luck - and could someone eat some chocolate for me please?
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