Monday, June 30, 2014

Enforcing Boundaries

Today I took the kids with me to our local exercise group. We used to go all the time, but had to stop for health reasons. Just recently we have started to go again, but now my kids don't remember the rules. While the moms workout in the gym the kids get to play with toys on the blue carpeted overflow next to us. Today my kids were the only little ones there and they decided to push the boundaries.

Rose was supposed to be working on her homework first -two pages in her 1st grade practice book--before she was allowed to play with the toys. This is something that should take 15 minutes max. Yeah by the end of an hour she had lost several privileges and was still forced to finish her two pages. And now she is mad at me because the consequence of her actions was to be grounded from mommy's kindle until after lunch. Oh well.

Cyprus decided to see if he could get away with lining up all the vehicle toys and shoving them out onto the gym floor so he "had" to go get them. Once he was out there then he should get to play right?  Yeah, no. He got two time outs (sitting buckled in the double stroller until ready try again).

Now, Juniper is Juniper. He's a three-strikes and you're out kind of kid. He tried escaping out the gym door twice. Then on the third time I stood with him on the carpet and showed him where it was okay to play and that he should not cross the boundary on to the gym floor. So this kid runs up and down the line separating the two rooms and then, while I'm looking directly at him, taps one toe over the line onto the gym floor. He got three time outs which left him in the stroller until the end of class.

I understand that all kids need boundaries and rules, but special needs kids need a clear understanding of them to help regulate their behavior. The goal now is for this tired mommy to stay consistent in enforcing the boundaries so that they do become totally clear.

So here's to trying again tomorrow.

Friday, June 27, 2014

Good Books for Kids

I love books.  I'm addicted to them and I want to pass on that love to my children.

My daughter loves books, but has a hard time sitting still for them. My boys don't have the patience for sitting to hear a story and due to their communication issues I'm not sure how much they retain when they overhear it.

So here is my polling questions for the week:

1) What are your favorite books to read with your little ones?


2) How do you get your kids to sit down long enough for a story?



Thursday, June 26, 2014

Early Child Intervention

Today I took Juniper to his first meeting with the Early Child Intervention people for our local school district. They put us in a room where there was this awesome train table so that J could play while we talked about what happens in the transition process.

The first question they asked me was "What are you concerns for J?"

I honestly drew a blank. Compared to Rose and Cyprus J seems downright advanced in his speech for his age, as well as his fine and gross motor skills. I mean the kid can say 3-5 word sentences. 

Then they asked, "Does he follow instructions?"

I laughed (and when I told my husband he laughed too). Frank said it best, "J doesn't acknowledge instructions."

Then in all honesty I told them that J has had to fight for everything--our attention, toys, etc. I'm sorry he's gotten jipped a bit, but the last few years have been a bunch of swear words tied into one long string of trials. Only now are we at a point as a family that we can start focusing on the things we need to again. That's why Juniper is finally getting the help he apparently needs.

I explained to them that he doesn't take no for an answer, he takes it for a challenge. I mean the kid uses the lazy susan in our kitchen as a latter to get to the knives (yeah still looking for a safe hiding place for our knife block).  Juniper also has a tendency if he isn't getting his way to do a whale-breach type flop on the floor (or into my face when appropriate).

The sweet ladies listened politely while taking a lot of notes. Then circled 4-5 areas on a piece of paper as to what to test him on the next time we go back. Then came the fun part. . . telling J it was time to go.

Did I mention he was playing with this incredibly awesome train table while we were talking.  Yeah, he did everything not to get caught. In the end one of the ladies went one direction and I went the other until we could trap him in between us. Then we went out front to schedule J's testing date. While I worked on that he played with this enormous block that had stringy things and beads, and an abacus, etc. When I told him it was time to leave he threw a massive tantrum all the way out to the car.

Yeah, so at least he behaved the ladies with a visual aide of what he does at home. We'll see how he does when he's tested at the end of July.  In the meantime, I am extremely grateful for patient women who know how to work with kids like mine. My life would be a lot crazier without you.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Thank You Lego Movie

Often times mornings with "special needs" kids can be a trial. If mommy doesn't get things just right from the get go then the whole day can turn into a battle or a meltdown.  Even though my kids need routines to make sense of their world there "strong-will" often gets in the way as they try to be in charge. If I let them in charge they would never get dressed, eat breakfast within a certain time frame, etc.

So I was surprised at how my daughter was impacted by the release of the LEGO movie on DVD. We never took the kids to see if at the movie theater because they can't sit still/do well being confined in one place for so long. A few weeks ago, as soon as it came out on DVD, we bought the movie and showed the kids.  Now, thanks to Emmett the construction worker, my daughter has started going through a list of things she needs to accomplish in the morning to start the day.

Today, for the first time, Rose got dressed of her own accord, without prompting or fighting. She then brushed her teeth, asked where her brush was so she could brush her hair, etc.

So thank you LEGO Movie for getting my daughter to do something she normally wouldn't do. You are my hero.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

More Help

Last week Kids on the Move (KOTM) came to test my son Juniper.  Now KOTM helps kids between 0-3 years old that are developmentally delayed. They bring in all forces to help teach the parents and the kids how to strengthen and possibly overcome these delays. By the time we learned about KOTM they weren't able to help Rose because she was already 3 years old. So we worked with the local school district for her. But KOTM helped my Cyprus when he was 2 1/2 and were the first to tell me that he was possibly Autistic. They were right. 

At the time KOTM was working with Cyprus they mentioned (just from observation) that they didn't think Juniper was delayed. So I left it at that. I didn't have him tested.  Besides he started speaking a lot earlier and with more proficiency that either Cyprus or Rose. But for the last several months I have been struggling with all three kids. I felt that I needed help and a little break. Plus, with two unique children before him, I had no clue whether or not he had delays or was just being strong-willed.  It was then that I decided that when he turned three in the fall I would have the school district test him to see if he could get into the preschool with his brother.  Then I started thinking, "Why not have Kids on the Move come and test him now. That way I would at least finally know if he was normal or delayed.

It turns out that he's delayed. Now some of it maybe from mimicking the behavior of his older siblings. Some of it can be sure stubbornness, or it could be he truly is delayed. We're still trying to figure that out. Well today the KOTM nurse came out to check out his general health history and to test his ears/eyes. We know now that his vision and hearing are normal. So we've ruled that out. She told me that the occupational therapist will call me next and he'll come out to help work with us on Juniper's sleep, eating, etc., struggles.

So the long and short of this post. . .if you struggling with your kids don't wait and try to muddle through. Seek/ask for help--from family, friends, local programs. You don't have to do this alone. There are people with the knowledge you need to help meet your kids needs and to make your life a little more sensible. At least in the end you would be able to find out if you need the help in the first place or just a nice long vacation to reboot yourself.

Monday, June 23, 2014

Unusual Toys

So the thing about having unique children is that they come up with highly unusual ways to entertain themselves. Yesterday Cyprus brought in a brick from the back yard. He has been carrying it around everywhere with him and every now and then he'll lay it on the floor and start running circles around it.  My husband made mention he was "running around the block" for exercise.

The today we went to the grocery store to buy bananas. This afternoon Cyprus comes walking in with the whole bunch and sits down on them.  I guess he thinks they are shaped like a chair.

Yeah, so anyone want some bruised/squished bananas that were sit on by a 4 year old?

Friday, June 20, 2014

Cranky Food Mommy

So my children are often way too much like their mommy. When they are tired, sore, or hungry they are grumpy.  Well lately I have drastically changed the way I eat in order to live healthier.  My goal is that by the end of the year I will be able to run circles around them (even if that means they are glued to their chairs while I'm doing it). 

For the most part this eating healthier is an awesome thing to do. Sure it costs more to eat less processed food, I eat differently than the rest of the family, and sometimes it makes me downright grumpy eating my healthy stuff while I see someone laying on the cheese to their taco. On the up side I've lost a lot of weight that makes it easier to do things and to take care of my family. However, with other health issues poking its head into my business I don't have as much of an energy increase as others (pretty much everyone else) on the same program, and haven't been able to exercise without getting sick until just this week.  Most of my crankiness comes from the fact that I'm dealing with kids with extreme food sensitivity issues.  Food can't be touching on the plate, it has to look just right, and and and infinity. 

I want my family to eat healthier and I really don't want to keep making separate meals.  But unfortunately we aren't there yet.  So while my family ate Little Caesar's pizza last night, I chopped up some roasted turkey, granny smith apple, walnuts, carrots all on a bed of mixed greens.  Yes it was quite delicious, but sitting there eating my salad while my family ate pizza made this Momma far from a happy camper. 

So does anyone out there have a magic wand that I can borrow that makes my family suddenly not have so many food aversions? Or even one that makes me still lose weight while indulging in ice-cream, chocolate, and Mexican food? You would be my angel hero forever.

Signed,
The Mommy Looking for the Middle Ground

PS Even though I miss certain foods I still think what I'm doing is the right thing to do at the right time (even if I'm temporarily grumpy about it).

Thursday, June 19, 2014

The Power of Remembering

For the last month I have been working on writing down my story of what it took to get my kids for an anthology on enduring miscarriages. My first draft was really really short. Then my husband reminded me of some experiences I had forgot to mention, and then I thought of others. So I got out my journal to review. And left it sitting on top of my piano for three weeks.  I couldn't face it.  The kids were struggling with the change that comes as part of the end of the school year, and I was struggling with health issues.  I even went on a writing retreat and specifically worked on a project other than my personal story.

Finally this morning I shuffled toward the piano like I was heading toward a guillotine and picked up my journal.  This particular journal started as a result of my second miscarriage. Now I am not a regular journal writer. I only write 1-2 times a year usually. In a sad attempt to improve on my journaling efforts I even printed off posts from Facebook for a while and pasted them into my journal.  Pathetic, I know, but at least it was something.

For an hour I read and re-read entries through the 6 years it took before we successfully had Rose. And I cried. Then I looked up scriptures that I had referenced. Then I cried some more. Then I held my kids.

Yeah, I may not always like them (or more accurately some of the choices they make), but I wanted them more than anything and I'm sure glad that I have them. I'm grateful for the times I did journal because it gave me the power to remember during a time when I started to forget.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Kids Currency

I have had several people tell me over the years that you have to discover what your child's "currency" is and use that as a consequence when they don't do what they know they should.


For example, my stepsons LOVE video games beyond anything. They are also highly picky eaters. So we've always told them they have to try one bite of food. If they make the choice not to, then they are choosing to go without video games for the rest of the day, plus the following morning.  If they don't like the food after that first bite I really don't care. I just want them to try it once.  This is especially important now that I have two other incredibly sensory sensitive children who have major issues with food. I get their older brothers to set the example for their siblings.


With my little kids, especially those with communication issues, I have a hard time identifying what their "currency" is.  I've told them in the past that they couldn't do certain things if they didn't take a bite and they were like "okay. I'm totally fine starving."


So today I'm trying something new with Rose. She is addicted to pb & j sandwiches. So I told her if she didn't go practice her piano today I wouldn't make her one for lunch. She's in there practicing right now.  We'll see how long this lasts.


Have any of you identified what your kids' "currency" is? If so, what is it?

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Sharing Room

One of the balancing acts of being part of a blended family is defining space.  From the moment we moved to the same state as Lemongrass and Anise I wanted them to feel like this was their second home. The first thing we did was get them a bunk bed so they didn't have to sleep on the floor. Then, when I could I bought them sheets and blankets for their specific tastes.  When we bought our town home we even did gave them their own room. Then we got pregnant and then pregnant again. That's when we started trying to figure out how we fit seven of us in a three bedroom town home.  Our finances don't allow for a bigger place, so we swing things the best we can with what we have. 


With the birth of Juniper we switched around the rooms again to put the little kids all in one room, like an old-fashioned nursery with modern thrift store colors and décor. And I moved the big kids into the smaller room with their bunk beds.  To make up for putting my stepsons into the smaller room I let them choose what colors we would paint it. So it is now a rotating paint job of the exact reds and blues that matched their favorite Pokemon games (though personally it reminds me more of the colors of Mario's had and overalls). On one wall, above the chair rail, is blue and below is red. On the next wall we switched the colors.  I kind of like it, but I'm sure we're going to have to repaint if we ever do choose to sell.


That was about two years ago. As the little kids started becoming toddlers and school-aged it was harder and harder to get them to sleep. Since they shared a bedroom they would rile each other up until there was tired fighting everywhere.  I am currently working with this amazing counselor to help me learn how to cope and succeed at being a good mom. Her suggestion is that while the boys were back home with their mom that I put Rose into their bedroom to separate her from Cyprus and Juniper. For the most part it works really great.  Then when the Lemongrass and Anise come to visit she moves back in with the little boys.


I'm grateful for Lemongrass and Anise being patient with this ring around the roses style of living. But in many ways I feel sorry for them.  Rose loves them dearly and misses them terribly when they leave. She adores her big brothers and gets totally hyper anytime they come visit.  Yesterday they were packing up to go back home.  I took that opportunity to strip all the beds and wash all the linens. Afterwards I remade the bottom bunk with Rose's sheets. I explained to her that her brothers were going home, so she could move back into the smaller room. 


Immediately she ran downstairs and asked her big brothers, "Are you going home?" 
"Yes," they replied.
"Yippee!!!!"


Oy, I felt so bad.  Apparently she did later explain that she was just excited to not have to share rooms with Juniper and Cyprus.  Oh what a crazy life we lead. 


I just hope that Lemongrass and Anise know how much I love them and cherish the time spent with them.  And no matter what I will always do my best to try and make them feel like this is truly an extension of their home. Because it is.  Love you boys.



Monday, June 16, 2014

Back from Hiatus

I ended up not posting Thursday and Friday of last week because I was sequestered in a cabin in beautiful Heber Valley working on the draft 3 changes to a magical realism book I am working on.  It was a beautiful, glorious weekend with some amazing other women writers.  I totally lost at foosball and speed pool, but enjoyed every  minute.  


I am grateful for an incredible husband who worked from home and took care of all five kids because he knew how much his wife is addicted to writing.Yep. I've got a good man.  I'm also incredibly grateful for what an amazing dad he is. I'm glad his boys could be with us to celebrate Father's Day.  I'm sad that they are going home, but am grateful for the time we could spend with them.


So now its back to reality and writing. I still have a lot more changes to make to the story and a lot more time needing to spend with my kids.  Here's praying I find the happy balance.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

New Perspective

One of the fun side effects of having kids/step-kids is getting a new perspective on things like movies, video games, etc.


Lemongrass and Anise showed us the other day a video on YouTube.com about how if you look at the deep meaning of Nintendo video games then you would realize how evil Mario truly is to his "friends/family".


Today I put on Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs 2 for the kids while I prepped food for a writing retreat I'm taking this weekend. When I took a moment to sit down Lemongrass & I started getting into a discussion to determine exactly why kind of food the humans in the movie would be able to eat on an island where all the food had become foodimals (half food/half animals).


Also they have brought out a discussion on which characters will make sense being in the new Super Smash Brothers Brawl coming out at the end of the year and whether or not there will be an equal number of playable female to male characters. 


With the little ones I get new perspective on when they like to chance the language on my kindle so that they are playing games in Korean.


I love it. I love learning from all my kids and being asked questions that makes me think of things beyond what I would normally give myself time to think of in my day-to-day life.  So in the end, my kids are simply awesome.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Step Kids POV

I asked my stepsons some questions about what its like to be step kids and dealing with visiting us. Here's some of their answers:


"It's awesome to come up here every time, but we miss the family at home and it can be a lot of work to prepare for," Anise said.


Lemongrass was a little less forthcoming, but I'm pretty sure he loves playing with his younger siblings by his reactions when they are around.


The boys also like playing video games with us.


In the past they've also told me that its hard to share rooms and they wish they had their own. There is also the balance of learning how to eat different things than you eat at home on a regular basis.


Though one of the things I personally love about when my stepsons come is when we sit down with their Dad and the four of us play the game Ticket to Ride.  For Christmas they gave us an expansion pack where we can move around Alvin the Alien and Dexter the Dinosaur to different cities in order to make it harder on your opponents.


Some other board games we play a lot with the boys are Risk, Monopoly, and Parcheesi.  But we go nuts with them playing video games. We are huge Mario fans so we play a lot of Mario Party, Super Smash Brothers, and the various Lego video games.  


The overall trick though is to make sure that the boys feel welcomed in our home no matter what and that we spend time with just them, when we can, after the little ones go to bed.

Monday, June 9, 2014

Blended Families

This week's posts are going to be mostly about blended families and being a step mom. Twelve years ago I married an incredible man. That man came with two kids from a previous marriage. Yes they lived in a different state than us for the first 6 years of our marriage, but they were and are a part of our lives. And a wonderful part at that.  After their sister, Rose, was born we moved to Utah to be closer to them. We wanted them to get to know their sister and for her to have them be a big part of her life.


They have been, and continue to be, some pretty awesome big brothers and I love them dearly.


For the sake of this blog we'll nickname them Anise and Lemongrass (you love me boys).


In fact, they are visiting this week and I am super happy to have them here. I miss them when they are gone and I know my kids and their dad do to.  Now here's my guilty confession one of the minor reasons that I love having them here. . .the little ones are so oober excited that to have Anise and Lemongrass around that the little kids' attention is steered away from me and this mom gets a momentary breather.


No, I do not make them do all the child care while they are here, only a little. But suddenly the one foot radius around Mommy has extended to "oh is mommy in the house".  I can live with that. 


I love you boys.

Friday, June 6, 2014

Missing Tooth Fairy

Back in February or so Rose was scared and nervous because her brother punched her and it loosened one of her front teeth.  It took having a neighbor friend bring over her son who is older than Rose come over to show Rose his two missing before she could calm down. Well, in May Rose lost her bottom two front teeth by chewing on a chip clip. Yep a chip clip. Don't ask me why, but all my kids put everything in their mouths.


She was so excited and we set the teeth aside on the piano bench that's on top of the kitchen counter (long story).  We told Rose we'd have to get out an envelope to put the teeth in and put them under her pillow so that the Tooth Fairy could come and get them. 


Um . . . (blushes) that was at least four weeks ago. The teeth are still on the piano bench and Rose has never gotten her Tooth Fairy Booty (still not sure how much a tooth is worth nowadays). We talk about it from time to time saying that we really should get the envelope so that the Tooth Fairy can come and collect the teeth. Yep, they're still there. And Rose doesn't seem concerned at all.


Poor Tooth Fairy must have some serious questions about this family. Oh well.

Thursday, June 5, 2014

The Death of Naptime

This weeks marks the end of an era. Juniper has decided that he no longer needs daily naps (heaven help me).  So yesterday I planned the day around him no longer needing a nap, and what happened?  He fell asleep in the car. Luckily he was tired enough that I was able to carry him up to bed and he went back to sleep in bed.


I think he is mocking me. Oh well. We'll play it by ear, but I will miss the days were my little ones gave me two hours of peace every afternoon as they slept. I know people have suggested quiet time, but I don't know if its their sheer strength of will, or their age, or their ASD and SPD, but the older kids version of quite time is to sing/scream at the top of their lungs, jump up and down and ram into walls, etc. 


I tried to enact quiet time earlier this week once I realized that Juniper thinks he's done with nap time and the one hour it lasted (keeping in mind that its summer-time and I have all three kids at home) was anything but quiet (even if I did lock everyone, including myself, in our bedrooms).

Oh well, here's to adapting.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Emergency Kits

In an unusual moment of productivity six months after Juniper was born I put together 72 hour emergency backpacks for each member of the family. We even had a church activity where we all got together and made food kits for the backpacks. It was awesome. I felt so accomplished.


Money has gotten a bit tight lately so I broke into the emergency kits a week or so ago to utilize the food for lunches for my kids. I've learned that some things don't last well flavor wise.  I've also learned that . . . um. . . its been two years since I've made the 72 hour kits.  So we've been writing down the food items we like and want to replace so that we can update them.


I had noticed last week that there were diapers in one of the backpacks in a size that none of my kids can way anymore. So finally yesterday I went through to update the kids clothes as well.  Yeah, so, um, Rose's backpack had size 4T clothes and pull-ups. Cyprus had 18 month clothes and size 4 diapers. And Juniper had size 6 month clothes, diapers, and individual formula packets.   Did I mention that Rose is 6 now, Cyprus is 4, and Juniper will shortly be 3 years old. 


I went ahead and updated their clothes, adding a second outfit instead of just one, and put in clothes that were at least 2-4 sizes bigger than they currently are.  I'm also working on building 72 hour kits for my two teenage stepsons' backpacks to include clothes they can wear.  I want to make sure they are prepared if there is ever an emergency when they are visiting us.


So my recommendation for today is if you don't have a 72 kit start putting together one from stuff you have around the house (cause something is better than nothing). And if you already have a kit when was the last time you to a look at it to see if it needed updating? If you're like me it might have been years.  Happy preparing!

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Personal Entourage

Ever since school got out I have my own personal entourage. Kids laying by my door waiting for me to get up for the day. Me tripping over kids who follow everywhere I go (within a one foot radius). Kids panicking if mommy even looks like she's going to be headed out the door.


I over did it yesterday in a cleaning frenzy, and since we had a meeting with an insurance guy this morning, my husband worked from home and offered to watch the kids while I slept in.  (Yes, I have a remarkable husband. You can't have him.) 


Once again at 6 am Cyprus was laying by our door kicking the security gate. Frank got up with him and locked our bedroom door so that I could go back to bed.  I eventually got up at 9 a.m but all three kids at one point or another came knocking at my door. Frank even said that when he came upstairs to get the kids their clothes all three kids were lying on the floor outside of our bedroom.  Just laying there. Waiting on mommy. 


Also, when Rose had gotten up for the morning she came to our door and I heard her knock quietly. When I refused to answer she knocked a bit louder. Then louder. And louder. And then started screaming.  I called out that I was sleeping at that she should go downstairs where daddy and breakfast was. Rose went back to her room and screamed for the next several minutes about how she didn't want to go back to sleep and that she couldn't go downstairs without mommy. I even heard Frank trying to talk to her and calm her down.


Later, when we sat down with the insurance agent, all three kids came into the room and suddenly wanted to sit on our laps and Rose even started rubbing my face and purred like a kitten.  Then when I went around the house taking pictures of everything in order to record what we own in case of a fired the whole motley crew followed me around on my heels, trying to add their two cents to the photographs.


Its a good thing my kids are so awesome and I love them so much.  And I'm so incredibly gratefully for the fantastic husband who supports our crazy life.  I am truly blessed (even if feeling slightly claustrophobic at the moment).

Monday, June 2, 2014

Separation Anxiety

Two year old Juniper finally hit the separation anxiety stage five days ago. Since then any time he has to go down for a nap or even if I go upstairs to grab something from my bedroom  the house nearly shakes with his terrified/pissed off screams.  I had actually grown lax and assumed that he was going to skip this stage.


Well, that's what a mom gets for assuming.


I don't know if its because he's the last kid, or because he timed it for the end of the school year, but his anxiety is to the extreme and last for hours. For the first few nights I did every thing I could from singing, praying, holding, rubbing lavender oil on him, and giving him melatonin to no avail. Then I would sit in my room and cry listening to his heartache.  The biggest struggle I have is understanding if it is true anxiety or if he's playing me and I hate not knowing.


After five nights I went to bed really grumpy last night and unfortunately kids waking up at 5:30/6 am every morning since has added to the grumpiness. But hey, at least my house is all clean this morning (see previous posts about how I deal with stress).  In the meantime I keep loving him, being near him but not trying to coddle him.  And this weekend his half-brothers are coming to visit and hopefully the days will be so filled with fun that he'll fall asleep happily at the end of the day.


Here's hoping.