Have I mentioned that I love to read? 'Cause I do. And I have very eclectic tastes - from Shakespeare and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, to Brandon Sanderson, Shannon Hale, Meg Cabot and oh about a thousand or so others. I don't think that I could ever get enough reading, though I think my kids think otherwise.
My littlest, I'll call him Juniper cause I can't think of any plants/trees right now other than that, is a whopping 2 1/2 year old. He is a beautiful mix of "terrible twos" and humor all wrapped up into a tall, amazing toddler that makes me laugh and smile at the same time I want to send him to his room. And right now he's in a hitting phase. And not just hitting in particular, but hitting Mommy (we're working on that).
Our church meetings are right in the little tike's nap time, and that can make it hard on his body and my spirit. When we went this last Sunday, he was already tired, so much so that he didn't want to go to sleep. So instead, he kicked, punched and screamed his way out of the meeting before it ever began. Not of my usual "techniques" worked to calm him. I took him to the "mother's room" and tried to rock him. Someone tried to show him a familiar movie on their phone. We tried soft music. I tried walking him around outside. No matter what, he kicked and punched me. He was tired and by then so was I.
Finally, I took him to the car and strapped him in his car seat. Immediately he was quite. But he wouldn't go to sleep. I couldn't drive anywhere because my keys were on the pew back in the chapel and I wouldn't leave him in the car alone, and I couldn't take him back in.
Now, because I'm a reader I always keep something to read in my car. I had two choices - 1) J. Scott Savage's Air Keep (Book #3 of the Farworld Series) or pamphlets by Hand-in-Hand Parenting.
Being Sunday and supposedly the middle of Sacrament meeting I started reading the pamphlets. A friend at book club had recommended these collection of 6 pamphlets almost a year ago. I had finally ordered them a few months ago, but never really found myself sitting down to read them all the way through. So while Joseph watched the clouds roll by I started reading the one on Play Listening.
The theory is that by sitting on the floor with your child and letting them lead the play time that they will slowly unveil the things that have been troubling them. They will show you through mimicking what someone else has done to them. And by letting them be the director of the play they can talk to you in their own way.
I sort of attempted my own version with Juniper still strapped in his seat. I crawled in the backseat with him (which totally confused him at first), but then we started playing peek-a-boo and a couple other interactive things. Then I asked him if he was ready to go back inside and be calm. And he said, "Inside. Calm." So, I got him out of his seat and we went back inside. By then Sacrament meeting was all over. Oh well. My husband met us in the hallway and took Juniper to Nursery class. Then I packed up my stuff, helped my husband get the stroller out of the car. After a quick kiss goodbye I drove home and took some migraine medicine and went to bed.
Through skimming these pamphlets, and following the Hand-in-Hand Parenting emails and advice online I've gotten great ideas of how to deal with tantrums, and other things kids do, that might send us parents spiraling towards crazy town. I've learned that its important to help reset the kids brain that (if you are emotionally capable of it) staying nearby when the kid is in time out. They need the chance to vent. They're in little body's but with a growing mind, but not the understanding of what is happening to them. And its scary. So as long as you are nearby they at least they get the sense that you won't disappear on them when they are scared.
I've tried that with Rose before and its amazing what a different it makes. Now I'm going to have to go back and read the other 5 pamphlets in their entirety and maybe it will give me more ideas of how to help Juniper survive church.
For anyone interested in learning more about Hand-in-Hand parenting, here is their webpage: http://www.handinhandparenting.org/
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Letting Go & Me Time
Last Tuesday, I felt myself stretched so thin that I practically snapped. It had been a long day and I knew that I was not handling things swell. Suddenly, trying to get the kids to bed while they screamed and fought was the last straw. I ran into my room, turned on the shower and hid, sliding to the floor. As the water pounded on me I began to sob and couldn't stop. My patient husband came in, took a look at me, and went out, bravely getting the kids through their nightly routine alone. Then he spend the rest of the night listening to me vent and cry as he held me.
He worried that I might give up on life, but I couldn't. It was a personal choice, and one that I still had the mental faculty to make. Suicide was not an option I was willing to take.
Now, before you ask - Yes, I have been working with a counselor to help me deal with certain things in my life and to do deal with conflict and stress better. Part of that process is for me to let go of my cleaning habit. What? You heard me. I have cleaning issues. When I'm stressed I clean. . .and clean. . . and clean, until I collapse. That's just how I deal with stress/conflict.
The problem is that after having three high-risk pregnancies so close together my body can't handle it. If I give into my cleaning obsession I am sick for days afterwards and completely useless to my children.
So my incredible counselor has been teaching me to let go and making sure I take time for me (not for me to clean, but to build). No she is not telling me to totally give up on cleaning. She is trying to teach me to prioritize what I'm doing and to not allow cleaning get in the way of being with my family, or taking time for me.
Now this is actually quite hard for me. Currently my parents are going through a divorce, my mom has breast cancer, I'm suffering from migraine & thyroid issues, we're learning to live within our means financially, and I have kids. Some people can handle those stresses better, and believe me I really wish I was one of those. Now I'm not about to give up my kids (I like them too much), and I'm not giving up on my mom, and my health is my health - for what it is (I'm working on it), and it's important to learn to spend less than you make (that's just logic), and I still love my parents (no matter what - they're stuck with me). So how am I suppose to deal with all that stress AND be there for my family?
I have to be honest - I still cave in sometimes without knowing it and will start to clean . . . and clean . . .oh you get the point. Often I don't realize it until my husband comes up, wraps me in his arms, and asks me what I'm stressing about. So here is what I AM doing to try to improve how I let go and not get back to the point where I was on Tuesday night.
1) To keep my cleaning gremlins happy - I am allowed to clean at least one thing a day, but I have to know my physical/family limits.
I am still a work in progress. I still cave from time to time and do WAY MORE than I can or should. I will be no good to my family if I permanently incapacitate myself from over doing it. I will still fall, after all I'm human. But what makes me remarkable is that I'm willing to get up again and keep pressing forward.
And guess what? You are remarkable too.
He worried that I might give up on life, but I couldn't. It was a personal choice, and one that I still had the mental faculty to make. Suicide was not an option I was willing to take.
Now, before you ask - Yes, I have been working with a counselor to help me deal with certain things in my life and to do deal with conflict and stress better. Part of that process is for me to let go of my cleaning habit. What? You heard me. I have cleaning issues. When I'm stressed I clean. . .and clean. . . and clean, until I collapse. That's just how I deal with stress/conflict.
- If I'm tired, sick, etc., I need to listen to my body and stop before the cleaning gremlins run away with me.
- If my kids start screaming or constantly stand in my way as I'm trying to clean, that is a sign that they need some "mommy time". That's when I will read a book to them, sit on the floor and play, tickle fights, or just listen to them or hold them. And if needed, I hand over the mop, sponge of broom, and teach my kids how to help me do the cleaning.
- Go on a regular date with my husband - Right now we are taking a six-week Archery class together. It is fun, interesting to both of us, and gets us some much need spouse time.
- Give myself permission to read a book - Now I'm a book addict, so this is vitally important to me, though when I get going and going and going sometimes I forget that I even can read.
- Give my permission to run away (but only for a specified amount of time) - For example, this last weekend I went away for two and a half days to a writer's conference. This gave me time away from day-to-day stresses and allowed me to remember that I am an individual with goals, ideas, needs, and dreams and I need time to remember who I am. But I always have a limit, because nothing is solved by being a permanent runaway.
I am still a work in progress. I still cave from time to time and do WAY MORE than I can or should. I will be no good to my family if I permanently incapacitate myself from over doing it. I will still fall, after all I'm human. But what makes me remarkable is that I'm willing to get up again and keep pressing forward.
And guess what? You are remarkable too.
Monday, April 28, 2014
Communication Backups & Supports - It's Okay to Ask for Help
One of the struggles I have had as a mom is wishing I could understand my children better. I know....shocker, huh. I haven't met a mom who hasn't felt that way at some point. Especially with two of my kids alternative thinking setups I feel as if I'm on a totally different plane than they are. Now keep in mind, I'm looking at my kids suddenly from the aspect of a tired, worn out, physically depleted mother and totally misreading their cues. Logically I understand that they're toddlers and may not even understand themselves what they are thinking or feeling because they haven't learned the definitions yet.
When you throw in developmental delays the frustration levels might increase. For me they most certainly did. I remember when my Rose was about six months old and we were living in a different state than the rest of extended family. I grew up the youngest of two kids and the only one with children of my own. My mom wasn't there. My step mom wasn't there. And I had no sisters I could turn to. One day while my husband was at work, Rose and I were alone in our tiny apartment and she started to cry. . .and cry. . .and cry. I didn't know what to do. Nothing I tried seemed to help.
Finally, in desperation I called someone I had met at church and left a desperate voice message, "My baby is crying and I don't know why and I don't know what to do." This sweet lady (who had five or six kids or her own - all a little older) heard my plea and willingly came over to my house. As soon as I handed the baby over to her Rose stopped crying. I was offended. Now I know what you're going to say . . . she was just a baby . . .how can you be offended by a little baby. But I'm being honest with you. I was hurt. I couldn't help my baby, but somebody else could. I was her mom. Wasn't I supposed to inherently know all the answers.
It has taken me years to realize that no, we don't instinctively have all the answers - and that's okay. The thing that we need to realize, and is often the hardest to admit, is that its okay to accept help (and dare I say it - ask for help).
For example, when Rose was about twenty months old I was SO frustrated because I COULD NOT communicate with my daughter. I didn't understand what she wanted/needed. So my dear, sweet, amazing husband surprised me with Your Baby Can Read.
This program is awesome. It teaches kids sight words that they can use for objects, actions, etc., and then follows them up with pictures so they can connect words with images. The program came with books, videos, helper cards., etc. It was BRILLIANT. Suddenly Rose was learning words and we could start connecting in little ways.
Then this year, my now four year old, Cyperus, went in for his birthday checkup and I was talking to the doctor about his speech delays. Keep in mind this kid is smarter than me. He took apart the keyboard of my laptop when he was two just so that he could figure out how it works. Cyperus can also recite word for word the entire Your Baby Can Read videos before the sections happen and without sound. However, he hasn't connected that you can use words to communicate with others. Because of this his pediatrician recommended that we teach him sign language and I readily agreed.
But where do you start. I mean learning English is bad enough, but how do you teach someone sign language when you hardly know it yourself. That's where my amazing friends come in. I made mention of what the pediatrician said and instantly people came to my rescue--a neighbor lent me her Baby Signing Time dvds and another friend loaned me her Signing Time dvds. My kids went NUTS!!!! They LOVE them. All of a sudden all three of my kids are signing along to the music and doing the signs. And suddenly my autistic son starts communicating to me in sign language things that he wants, but not only that, he says the words to. Now its starting to connect to him that you can get your point across to others, you don't have to live in your own world with a major disconnect around you.
We have since learned that you can also check out some of these dvds at our local library, watch them on YouTube.com and through Netflix instant streaming. Thanks to all of these sources and recommendations from friends and husbands a like I am now being able to talk with my kids in their own language. And that is a blessing I will forever cherish.
When you throw in developmental delays the frustration levels might increase. For me they most certainly did. I remember when my Rose was about six months old and we were living in a different state than the rest of extended family. I grew up the youngest of two kids and the only one with children of my own. My mom wasn't there. My step mom wasn't there. And I had no sisters I could turn to. One day while my husband was at work, Rose and I were alone in our tiny apartment and she started to cry. . .and cry. . .and cry. I didn't know what to do. Nothing I tried seemed to help.
Finally, in desperation I called someone I had met at church and left a desperate voice message, "My baby is crying and I don't know why and I don't know what to do." This sweet lady (who had five or six kids or her own - all a little older) heard my plea and willingly came over to my house. As soon as I handed the baby over to her Rose stopped crying. I was offended. Now I know what you're going to say . . . she was just a baby . . .how can you be offended by a little baby. But I'm being honest with you. I was hurt. I couldn't help my baby, but somebody else could. I was her mom. Wasn't I supposed to inherently know all the answers.
It has taken me years to realize that no, we don't instinctively have all the answers - and that's okay. The thing that we need to realize, and is often the hardest to admit, is that its okay to accept help (and dare I say it - ask for help).
For example, when Rose was about twenty months old I was SO frustrated because I COULD NOT communicate with my daughter. I didn't understand what she wanted/needed. So my dear, sweet, amazing husband surprised me with Your Baby Can Read.
This program is awesome. It teaches kids sight words that they can use for objects, actions, etc., and then follows them up with pictures so they can connect words with images. The program came with books, videos, helper cards., etc. It was BRILLIANT. Suddenly Rose was learning words and we could start connecting in little ways.
Then this year, my now four year old, Cyperus, went in for his birthday checkup and I was talking to the doctor about his speech delays. Keep in mind this kid is smarter than me. He took apart the keyboard of my laptop when he was two just so that he could figure out how it works. Cyperus can also recite word for word the entire Your Baby Can Read videos before the sections happen and without sound. However, he hasn't connected that you can use words to communicate with others. Because of this his pediatrician recommended that we teach him sign language and I readily agreed.
But where do you start. I mean learning English is bad enough, but how do you teach someone sign language when you hardly know it yourself. That's where my amazing friends come in. I made mention of what the pediatrician said and instantly people came to my rescue--a neighbor lent me her Baby Signing Time dvds and another friend loaned me her Signing Time dvds. My kids went NUTS!!!! They LOVE them. All of a sudden all three of my kids are signing along to the music and doing the signs. And suddenly my autistic son starts communicating to me in sign language things that he wants, but not only that, he says the words to. Now its starting to connect to him that you can get your point across to others, you don't have to live in your own world with a major disconnect around you.
We have since learned that you can also check out some of these dvds at our local library, watch them on YouTube.com and through Netflix instant streaming. Thanks to all of these sources and recommendations from friends and husbands a like I am now being able to talk with my kids in their own language. And that is a blessing I will forever cherish.
Sunday, April 27, 2014
Citrus Zero Giveaway
Just a reminder that I'm doing a Citrus Zero giveaway. The contest will close on Wednesday at 8 pm. The winner will receive a free 6 pack of Citrus Zero. And just so you know, I picked that deadline because starting Thursday, May 1st I will be personally going through the Mynt Core program. I'll let you know how it goes.
In the meantime, if you want more information on the giveaway, click here: Citrus Zero.
In the meantime, if you want more information on the giveaway, click here: Citrus Zero.
Friday, April 25, 2014
Fight the Good Fight
One of the first things people warn me about when they learn that I have "special needs" kids is that I am going to have to fight for them. I didn't truly get that. I mean why would I want to teach my kids to fight? Isn't that the opposite of what we're supposed to teach kids?
In reality I am learning that it means that as their mom I have to be just as stubborn and tenacious as they are in order to get them the help that they need (whether or not I was born that way). The problem is that I rarely know what I'm supposed to be fighting for.
As I said in a previous post two of my kids were in the local school district special needs preschool. What was fantastic about that was how absolutely amazing and brilliant their teacher and aides were. Ms. W was and is my hero. She believes in my kids and puts up a bureaucratical fight to get them the specific help they need. When it came time for Rose to transition to Kindergarten, Ms. W went through all the steps with me, reviewed Rose's goals and what we hoped she grow on over the next week. We also agreed, that based on my daughter's needs, she should attend a small class Kindergarten. That way she could get the focus she needed and have lest sensory distractions to pull her away from her studies. As such, we established her Individual Education Plan (IEP) and sent in the needed documents to make the transition.
Overall the transition went rather smoothly. I was notified over the summer that she would need to be bused to a school in a different town for her Kindergarten year. In the Fall I took Rose to meet her teacher who performed the initial evaluation to see how much Rose already new. Afterwards the teacher turned to me and asked, "Why is she in my class?" I tried to explain to her about the SPD and how it affects Rose and she just nodded.
A few months later, when I met with the Kindergarten teacher during Parent-Teacher Conference, she informed me that she thought Rose should be transitioned to regular Kindergarten. Her reasoning was that when Rose was in her class she behaved like the kids who had greater needs (i.e. Rose would begin climbing on chairs, and other copycat activities). The teacher had for several weeks been sending Rose to the regular Kindergarten at that school to see how she would react. There were still some social/emotional difficulties (like when she couldn't complete an assignment in the allotted time), but overall she acted like the "regular" kids. Her reasoning seemed sound to me. So I went in a few weeks later and signed the agreement to transition her to the local school.
Let me tell you, that transition SUCKED. To be honest there were several serious health issues going on at home with other members of our family that did divide my attention and concern, so I probably wasn't as observant during the process as I could have been. However, when I went in to the new school the fantastic secretary helped me get all the paperwork taken care of. Then I was told that I would be contacted for the transition meeting where the old teacher, the new teacher, the principal, the special needs instructor, and possibly the school psychologist would meet together to create a smooth cross over. I told them, "Tell me when and where and I'll be there."
The following Tuesday as I was getting the kids dressed for school I got a call from the new school informing me that everyone was waiting on me for the transition meeting. I explained to them that no one had informed me as to when the meeting was going to be held. I was then told that that's okay they would go ahead and have the meeting without me and fill me up later with anything they needed me to do.
Now fast forward to when its nearly the end of the school year and I was talking to a school psychologist that I know from a different district, as well as another teacher friend, about an incident that had occurred at school that ended in Rose being sent home. This psychologist then told me that me having been excluded from the transition meeting was completely illegal. They should have cancelled the meeting or waited for me to arrive. So I started investigating things a little more. I pulled out the latest report I had received from Rose's new teacher and realized that there were only three updates on seven goals, and only those that were academic.
I then took Rose to piano lessons and learned from her teacher that her son, who also has SPD, was getting Occupational Therapy through the school. So I put on my brave face (I suck at confrontation) and went into the school. I asked when we could schedule a new IEP meeting and that I would like to request my daughter receive Occupational Therapy through the school. Once again, the school secretary, being the awesome person she is, took it upon herself to make sure that the right people contacted me. I then had to fill out the appropriate paperwork to have my daughter retested (like she was when she was put in the special needs preschool) to prove that she needs the assistance.
Yesterday I received a call from the Special Needs teacher letting me know that the paperwork was being submitted for Rose's testing. She asked me if I had any questions and I asked her if any of the other goals on my daughter's IEP were being tracked. She looked up her file and what she told me totally made me flabbergasted. Apparently, when Rose was transitioned to the regular school all of her other IEP goals were crossed off and apparently my initials were on the paper. Now, I admit I was going through a completely CRAPPY fall, but I would have never willingly stated that Rose no longer needed to work on those goals. And I told the teacher this. I also explained to her that things must have been building up over the last few months as Rose was coming home with more and more incomplete assignments from school that she was expected to do at home, followed by the incident that got her sent home. I told the teacher that if we had been working on those crossed off goals I don't think we would have ever gotten to this point.
So what's this rant all about in the long run? I just want to put it out there, that whether or not you have "special needs" kids, please keep your eyes open to make sure your kids are getting the help they need. The schools these days seem to be filled with overworked-underpaid teachers who have been stretched to thin. And my child, your child, is just one of many kids they have to deal with. Sometimes, with no one person to blame, the ball gets dropped and your kid gets hurt.
I apologize right here and now to my daughter. I am sorry, Rose, if I have dropped the ball. I am not one who is good with conflict. I rarely seem to know where to turn for answers and sometimes I am just stretched just to thin. But you are my daughter, and I love you, and I will fight for you with all my heart to give you the tools that you need to succeed in this life. No, I will not live this life for you, and no, I will not do your homework for you. But I will be by your side, defending your rights, and finding those people with the ability to help you were I may fall short. I love you babe!
In reality I am learning that it means that as their mom I have to be just as stubborn and tenacious as they are in order to get them the help that they need (whether or not I was born that way). The problem is that I rarely know what I'm supposed to be fighting for.
As I said in a previous post two of my kids were in the local school district special needs preschool. What was fantastic about that was how absolutely amazing and brilliant their teacher and aides were. Ms. W was and is my hero. She believes in my kids and puts up a bureaucratical fight to get them the specific help they need. When it came time for Rose to transition to Kindergarten, Ms. W went through all the steps with me, reviewed Rose's goals and what we hoped she grow on over the next week. We also agreed, that based on my daughter's needs, she should attend a small class Kindergarten. That way she could get the focus she needed and have lest sensory distractions to pull her away from her studies. As such, we established her Individual Education Plan (IEP) and sent in the needed documents to make the transition.
Overall the transition went rather smoothly. I was notified over the summer that she would need to be bused to a school in a different town for her Kindergarten year. In the Fall I took Rose to meet her teacher who performed the initial evaluation to see how much Rose already new. Afterwards the teacher turned to me and asked, "Why is she in my class?" I tried to explain to her about the SPD and how it affects Rose and she just nodded.
A few months later, when I met with the Kindergarten teacher during Parent-Teacher Conference, she informed me that she thought Rose should be transitioned to regular Kindergarten. Her reasoning was that when Rose was in her class she behaved like the kids who had greater needs (i.e. Rose would begin climbing on chairs, and other copycat activities). The teacher had for several weeks been sending Rose to the regular Kindergarten at that school to see how she would react. There were still some social/emotional difficulties (like when she couldn't complete an assignment in the allotted time), but overall she acted like the "regular" kids. Her reasoning seemed sound to me. So I went in a few weeks later and signed the agreement to transition her to the local school.
Let me tell you, that transition SUCKED. To be honest there were several serious health issues going on at home with other members of our family that did divide my attention and concern, so I probably wasn't as observant during the process as I could have been. However, when I went in to the new school the fantastic secretary helped me get all the paperwork taken care of. Then I was told that I would be contacted for the transition meeting where the old teacher, the new teacher, the principal, the special needs instructor, and possibly the school psychologist would meet together to create a smooth cross over. I told them, "Tell me when and where and I'll be there."
The following Tuesday as I was getting the kids dressed for school I got a call from the new school informing me that everyone was waiting on me for the transition meeting. I explained to them that no one had informed me as to when the meeting was going to be held. I was then told that that's okay they would go ahead and have the meeting without me and fill me up later with anything they needed me to do.
Now fast forward to when its nearly the end of the school year and I was talking to a school psychologist that I know from a different district, as well as another teacher friend, about an incident that had occurred at school that ended in Rose being sent home. This psychologist then told me that me having been excluded from the transition meeting was completely illegal. They should have cancelled the meeting or waited for me to arrive. So I started investigating things a little more. I pulled out the latest report I had received from Rose's new teacher and realized that there were only three updates on seven goals, and only those that were academic.
I then took Rose to piano lessons and learned from her teacher that her son, who also has SPD, was getting Occupational Therapy through the school. So I put on my brave face (I suck at confrontation) and went into the school. I asked when we could schedule a new IEP meeting and that I would like to request my daughter receive Occupational Therapy through the school. Once again, the school secretary, being the awesome person she is, took it upon herself to make sure that the right people contacted me. I then had to fill out the appropriate paperwork to have my daughter retested (like she was when she was put in the special needs preschool) to prove that she needs the assistance.
Yesterday I received a call from the Special Needs teacher letting me know that the paperwork was being submitted for Rose's testing. She asked me if I had any questions and I asked her if any of the other goals on my daughter's IEP were being tracked. She looked up her file and what she told me totally made me flabbergasted. Apparently, when Rose was transitioned to the regular school all of her other IEP goals were crossed off and apparently my initials were on the paper. Now, I admit I was going through a completely CRAPPY fall, but I would have never willingly stated that Rose no longer needed to work on those goals. And I told the teacher this. I also explained to her that things must have been building up over the last few months as Rose was coming home with more and more incomplete assignments from school that she was expected to do at home, followed by the incident that got her sent home. I told the teacher that if we had been working on those crossed off goals I don't think we would have ever gotten to this point.
So what's this rant all about in the long run? I just want to put it out there, that whether or not you have "special needs" kids, please keep your eyes open to make sure your kids are getting the help they need. The schools these days seem to be filled with overworked-underpaid teachers who have been stretched to thin. And my child, your child, is just one of many kids they have to deal with. Sometimes, with no one person to blame, the ball gets dropped and your kid gets hurt.
I apologize right here and now to my daughter. I am sorry, Rose, if I have dropped the ball. I am not one who is good with conflict. I rarely seem to know where to turn for answers and sometimes I am just stretched just to thin. But you are my daughter, and I love you, and I will fight for you with all my heart to give you the tools that you need to succeed in this life. No, I will not live this life for you, and no, I will not do your homework for you. But I will be by your side, defending your rights, and finding those people with the ability to help you were I may fall short. I love you babe!
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Light vs. Dark - Special Needs
(Note: To keep some privacy for my family, and to keep with the garden theme, I will represent my kids by plant/flower names.)
I hate the term "special needs" when it comes to people. It feels so black and white, light and dark. And yet there are varying shades of colors and depth to everyone.
Two of my kids fall under the qualifier "special needs", but when I look at them I see their dimensionality. My daughter, Rose, the one with Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), is a runner, an investigator, a musician, a comedian, a scientist, and a true light in my life. She can also drive me up the wall with her stubbornness (which comes from me), her tenacity, and her spunk. All that in mind, I don't see her as fitting the term "special needs".
SPD effects everyone differently, individually. For Rose, it shows itself in how quickly she can become overwhelmed with what is going on. If there is a breeze, and a sound, and a movement, and and and and. . .her mind becomes overloaded and she begins to "tune out" things (i.e. like her mom trying to talk to her). She isn't doing it on purpose. She's doing it because its all too much that she has to parcel it down to what she can handle.
Rose also needs greater impact or pressure on her body before it jars her the way it would do other people. Because of this she tends to jump from high locations so she can feel the same pressure as someone who just hopped in place. As a result, she tends to run into walls on purpose to create sensation and generally make her mom nervous.
However, when she was little I didn't understand any of this. I just wanted to understand my daughter. I wanted to understand how Rose thought - why she did the things she did. Here I was blessed with this amazing, independent, smart, incredible being in my life and I had no clue what to do about it.
Thankfully, a friend at church sat in my daughter's class and watched Rose and saw how she reacted to things. Privately she came to me and asked if she could make a suggestion. She recommended a program called Kids on the Move that could test Rose to see if she had any developmental delays. I took my friend up on her suggestion only to find out that the age cut off was 3 years and my daughter was four. Luckily, they were able to test my son, Cyperus, who was 2 1/2, and identified him as possibly Autistic and showing developmental delays. They were then able to bring speech therapist, occupational therapists, and fine/gross motor skills therapist to my house to help me work with Cyperus. As for Rose, they recommended that I contact the local school district for testing.
I did have Rose tested and we soon discovered that she did have some developmental delays and could qualify for the special needs preschool. The preschool has been an incredible blessing to Rose, and later to Cyperus, in helping me where I could not help my children (especially since by that time I had a one year old at home to deal with). However, it didn't change the fact that I wasn't sure how to read my kids' needs when they were at home. I talked to my doctor about my concerns with my daughter not registering me talking to her, so together we agreed to have her hearing tested. The audiologist came back and explained to me that he could tell by Rose's reactions that she was hearing the various sounds, but didn't seem to connect what she was hearing.
I went back to our doctor with those test results and he formally diagnosed her with Sensory Processing Disorder and referred me to a Pediatric Physical Therapist/Occupational Therapist. This woman was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. She taught me why Rose reacts the way she does and then would work with my daughter, while I watched, to show her activities that will help her learn to compensate and deal with the alternative way her mind works. She also recommended this brilliant book that has helped me (as well as some friends) learn why children with SPD do certain things, and how I could help her through them.
So here is your book recommendation of the day:
Understanding Your Child's Sensory Signals: A Practical Daily Use Handbook for Parents and Teachers by Angie Voss, OTR/L.
This magnificent book is an on-the-go guide to help you understanding what you're child with Sensory issues is doing. For example, my daughter chews on her hair, so I look up in the table of contents "Chews on Sleeves, Hair, Fingers, Non Food Objects" and I go to the page it recommends. On that page, I can find out what sensory categories are triggered by this action, and explanation of why the child may be doing this, possible questions to consider, and a list of ideas on how I might help my child meet this sensory need.
THIS BOOK IS BRILLIANT.
So if you are blessed with a child who sees and feels the world differently, there are groups, school districts, and literature that can help you bridge the gap between you and your child to where you can meet in the middle. You just have to open yourself up to looking in unusual places, and keeping your ears opened to those around you. Good luck, and let me know what tools you've found to help your family garden succeed.
I hate the term "special needs" when it comes to people. It feels so black and white, light and dark. And yet there are varying shades of colors and depth to everyone.
Two of my kids fall under the qualifier "special needs", but when I look at them I see their dimensionality. My daughter, Rose, the one with Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), is a runner, an investigator, a musician, a comedian, a scientist, and a true light in my life. She can also drive me up the wall with her stubbornness (which comes from me), her tenacity, and her spunk. All that in mind, I don't see her as fitting the term "special needs".
SPD effects everyone differently, individually. For Rose, it shows itself in how quickly she can become overwhelmed with what is going on. If there is a breeze, and a sound, and a movement, and and and and. . .her mind becomes overloaded and she begins to "tune out" things (i.e. like her mom trying to talk to her). She isn't doing it on purpose. She's doing it because its all too much that she has to parcel it down to what she can handle.
Rose also needs greater impact or pressure on her body before it jars her the way it would do other people. Because of this she tends to jump from high locations so she can feel the same pressure as someone who just hopped in place. As a result, she tends to run into walls on purpose to create sensation and generally make her mom nervous.
However, when she was little I didn't understand any of this. I just wanted to understand my daughter. I wanted to understand how Rose thought - why she did the things she did. Here I was blessed with this amazing, independent, smart, incredible being in my life and I had no clue what to do about it.
Thankfully, a friend at church sat in my daughter's class and watched Rose and saw how she reacted to things. Privately she came to me and asked if she could make a suggestion. She recommended a program called Kids on the Move that could test Rose to see if she had any developmental delays. I took my friend up on her suggestion only to find out that the age cut off was 3 years and my daughter was four. Luckily, they were able to test my son, Cyperus, who was 2 1/2, and identified him as possibly Autistic and showing developmental delays. They were then able to bring speech therapist, occupational therapists, and fine/gross motor skills therapist to my house to help me work with Cyperus. As for Rose, they recommended that I contact the local school district for testing.
I did have Rose tested and we soon discovered that she did have some developmental delays and could qualify for the special needs preschool. The preschool has been an incredible blessing to Rose, and later to Cyperus, in helping me where I could not help my children (especially since by that time I had a one year old at home to deal with). However, it didn't change the fact that I wasn't sure how to read my kids' needs when they were at home. I talked to my doctor about my concerns with my daughter not registering me talking to her, so together we agreed to have her hearing tested. The audiologist came back and explained to me that he could tell by Rose's reactions that she was hearing the various sounds, but didn't seem to connect what she was hearing.
I went back to our doctor with those test results and he formally diagnosed her with Sensory Processing Disorder and referred me to a Pediatric Physical Therapist/Occupational Therapist. This woman was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. She taught me why Rose reacts the way she does and then would work with my daughter, while I watched, to show her activities that will help her learn to compensate and deal with the alternative way her mind works. She also recommended this brilliant book that has helped me (as well as some friends) learn why children with SPD do certain things, and how I could help her through them.
So here is your book recommendation of the day:
Understanding Your Child's Sensory Signals: A Practical Daily Use Handbook for Parents and Teachers by Angie Voss, OTR/L.
This magnificent book is an on-the-go guide to help you understanding what you're child with Sensory issues is doing. For example, my daughter chews on her hair, so I look up in the table of contents "Chews on Sleeves, Hair, Fingers, Non Food Objects" and I go to the page it recommends. On that page, I can find out what sensory categories are triggered by this action, and explanation of why the child may be doing this, possible questions to consider, and a list of ideas on how I might help my child meet this sensory need.
THIS BOOK IS BRILLIANT.
So if you are blessed with a child who sees and feels the world differently, there are groups, school districts, and literature that can help you bridge the gap between you and your child to where you can meet in the middle. You just have to open yourself up to looking in unusual places, and keeping your ears opened to those around you. Good luck, and let me know what tools you've found to help your family garden succeed.
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Scary Pregnancies
Pregnancy in and of itself is an unknown. Sure, I know doctors will say otherwise. But when you are going through everything for the first time everything is scary, brilliant, amazing, and new. Advice will come in from every corner of the earth (including those who have never been pregnant) and be prepared for everyone wanting to touch your belly. Sometimes the knowledge people impart can be overwhelming and confusing.
One of the best recommendations I have that helped me when I was going through pregnancy is a book. (Being a writer myself I am highly addicted to books, so be prepared for lots of forthcoming book recommendations.)
Fearless Pregnancy: Wisdom and Reassurance From a Doctor, a Midwife and a Mom by Victoria Clayton, Stuart Fischbein, and Joyce Weckl.
One of the best recommendations I have that helped me when I was going through pregnancy is a book. (Being a writer myself I am highly addicted to books, so be prepared for lots of forthcoming book recommendations.)
Fearless Pregnancy: Wisdom and Reassurance From a Doctor, a Midwife and a Mom by Victoria Clayton, Stuart Fischbein, and Joyce Weckl.
Citrus Zero
Being a mom can be exhausting work and more often than not I could use a REALLY good nap. However, with three kids 6 and under that rarely happens (unless my husband is working from home and takes pity on me). Unfortunately that means I often turn to chocolate and soda to get me through the day (hence the previously mentioned not as thin as I dreamed of when younger).
As a result, I am testing out a new product from a company that a couple of friends work with called Mynt. It's called Citrus Zero and is supposed to help with sustained energy. There are no preservatives, artificial sweeteners, and no artificial colors or flavors, etc.
Now, I must mention - I HAVE NEVER HAD AN ENERGY DRINK BEFORE. So in other words I can't compare it to other energy drinks out there. All I know is that it tastes similar to grapefruit sodas (at least to me).
So, if you want to try it out with me and see if it helps you maintain that energy you need to chase little ones around the house then you can enter for this free giveaway.
The rules are simple:
The winner will receive a free six pack of Citrus Zero. I just ask that whoever the winner is please let us know after you try it, I would like your honest opinion on taste and if it works for you. Thanks.
As a result, I am testing out a new product from a company that a couple of friends work with called Mynt. It's called Citrus Zero and is supposed to help with sustained energy. There are no preservatives, artificial sweeteners, and no artificial colors or flavors, etc.
Now, I must mention - I HAVE NEVER HAD AN ENERGY DRINK BEFORE. So in other words I can't compare it to other energy drinks out there. All I know is that it tastes similar to grapefruit sodas (at least to me).
So, if you want to try it out with me and see if it helps you maintain that energy you need to chase little ones around the house then you can enter for this free giveaway.
The rules are simple:
2. Share any of the photos from the page empowermynt.com/myntfit on pinterest and let me know.
3. Shout out the contest on twitter, using #mynt as a hashtag and let me know.
The winner will receive a free six pack of Citrus Zero. I just ask that whoever the winner is please let us know after you try it, I would like your honest opinion on taste and if it works for you. Thanks.
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Unrealistic Expectations
I have always wanted to be a mom. I've also always wanted to be a writer, a photographer, a scuba diver, a marine biologist, an archer, a painter, a singer, and thin. Have I achieved all of these goals? No. But some of them I have.
The road to becoming a mom wasn't what I expected it to be. I'm a great dreamer and have a very active imagination. In my mind growing up I saw myself finding the perfect man, settling down, then when we were ready, having four kids (two boys and two girls)in three year intervals. I also imagined knowing exactly how to be a great mom and raising my kids up honorably to be outstanding citizens of society and overall kind people.
In reality, I didn't find my sweetheart until he had already experienced a first marriage, children, and divorce. We didn't get married until I was in my late twenties and already been in a career as a Business Analyst for several years. Then, when we felt it was time to have kids, things didn't go as planned. I miscarried time and again. But each time I wanted it more and feared that it might never happen.
Then it did. After many shots, treatments, fertility doctors, and prayers, I gave birth via semi-emergency C-section six years after we were married. I have a beautiful, amazing, spunky, brilliant daughter.
I was a mom. And I had no clue what to do. I'm fairly certain many moms, if not most, feel the same way. Two months later we moved away from family and friends to be closer to my stepsons. It was a hard decision as we loved where we lived. But it was the best decision as I could now get to know them better and they could know their sister.
When my daughter was nine months old we talked to the doctor about starting the whole procedures again, hoping for a second child, but knowing that it will probably take another six years to come to pass. Three and half months later I was pregnant, and four months later I was put on bed rest due to complications. Amazing neighbors and friends came to our rescue - taking my daughter for play dates, and bringing us regular meals and cleaning our home.
At 39 weeks I gave birth, via another C-section, to a blond-haired boy who constantly takes me by surprise, even to this day. My doctor wanted me to have my tubes tied at that point just because the pregnancies were so hard on me and dangerous to me and the baby. But I'm stubborn and in my heart I felt there was another child waiting to join our family. So I politely declined.
As my son turned 11 months we went to the doctor to talk about preparations for the fertility treatments to have our third. But I told him that I needed this one to be further apart. I was already struggling with two kids only 22 months apart and not sure how to meet their needs. My oldest wasn't talking in disjointed words like the other kids her age, and there were other budding signs of delays. I wanted to be a great mom to her and her brother, but I was flying by the seat of my pants.
My doctor and I established a plan on how to make this work. Then I went home and, on a whim, took a pregnancy test. It was positive. I was already pregnant. I walked out of the bathroom. Showed my husband the result. And sat down and cried. Now please don't get me wrong. I wanted this baby more than life itself. I just didn't know how I was going to handle it.
One month later my husband lost his job due to cutbacks. In some ways this was stressful, in others fortuitous -- when he wasn't out job hunting he was helping me survive being pregnant with two toddlers. He was, and still is, my rock, my hero. About two months before the baby's due date my husband got a contract position and started working again. Three week's later I was admitted into the hospital for preeclampsia (including massive migraines and swollen legs/feet). Other than being allowed to use the restroom I was not permitted to leave my hospital bed for several days. Those were hard days on our family.
When I was allowed to go home over the weekend it was with instructions for strict bed rest. My doctor and I were going to do anything to get this baby to 37 weeks. If it weren't for friends and amazing church support I don't know how I would have made it. The day after Labor Day I was admitted back in the hospital where I gave birth to our second son, before having my tubes tied.
Many ups and down have happened over the years since our children were born. Our daughter was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder, and her younger brother has Autism. I also went through a period of postpartum depression after the birth of my last son, followed by falling down the stairs twice, and rupturing a disk in my back requiring surgery.
I certainly don't have the thin body I dreamed of as a kid, and in many ways its still falling a part. I was a photographer for a time and my kids already are used to having the camera constantly in their faces. I have been, and still am a writer, writing YA fiction, essays, magazine articles, etc. And my husband and I started taking Archery classes together just last week.
It is only now that I start to look back just how unrealistic my expectations were of where my life should go. But I am forever grateful that it has gone the way it has. I cherish my three little brilliant monsters. I still don't know what I'm doing, but I wouldn't change being a mom for anything. I may not be the BEST mom, according to my unrealistic expectations, but I am a growing mom. And like a garden I find things that work and things that don't, but I look forward to the fruits of my labors. As such, I plan on using this blog to post things that I've learned through reading, from other mom's, and most importantly from my children about how to never give up trying to be the best mom you can be (whatever that means).
The road to becoming a mom wasn't what I expected it to be. I'm a great dreamer and have a very active imagination. In my mind growing up I saw myself finding the perfect man, settling down, then when we were ready, having four kids (two boys and two girls)in three year intervals. I also imagined knowing exactly how to be a great mom and raising my kids up honorably to be outstanding citizens of society and overall kind people.
In reality, I didn't find my sweetheart until he had already experienced a first marriage, children, and divorce. We didn't get married until I was in my late twenties and already been in a career as a Business Analyst for several years. Then, when we felt it was time to have kids, things didn't go as planned. I miscarried time and again. But each time I wanted it more and feared that it might never happen.
Then it did. After many shots, treatments, fertility doctors, and prayers, I gave birth via semi-emergency C-section six years after we were married. I have a beautiful, amazing, spunky, brilliant daughter.
I was a mom. And I had no clue what to do. I'm fairly certain many moms, if not most, feel the same way. Two months later we moved away from family and friends to be closer to my stepsons. It was a hard decision as we loved where we lived. But it was the best decision as I could now get to know them better and they could know their sister.
When my daughter was nine months old we talked to the doctor about starting the whole procedures again, hoping for a second child, but knowing that it will probably take another six years to come to pass. Three and half months later I was pregnant, and four months later I was put on bed rest due to complications. Amazing neighbors and friends came to our rescue - taking my daughter for play dates, and bringing us regular meals and cleaning our home.
At 39 weeks I gave birth, via another C-section, to a blond-haired boy who constantly takes me by surprise, even to this day. My doctor wanted me to have my tubes tied at that point just because the pregnancies were so hard on me and dangerous to me and the baby. But I'm stubborn and in my heart I felt there was another child waiting to join our family. So I politely declined.
As my son turned 11 months we went to the doctor to talk about preparations for the fertility treatments to have our third. But I told him that I needed this one to be further apart. I was already struggling with two kids only 22 months apart and not sure how to meet their needs. My oldest wasn't talking in disjointed words like the other kids her age, and there were other budding signs of delays. I wanted to be a great mom to her and her brother, but I was flying by the seat of my pants.
My doctor and I established a plan on how to make this work. Then I went home and, on a whim, took a pregnancy test. It was positive. I was already pregnant. I walked out of the bathroom. Showed my husband the result. And sat down and cried. Now please don't get me wrong. I wanted this baby more than life itself. I just didn't know how I was going to handle it.
One month later my husband lost his job due to cutbacks. In some ways this was stressful, in others fortuitous -- when he wasn't out job hunting he was helping me survive being pregnant with two toddlers. He was, and still is, my rock, my hero. About two months before the baby's due date my husband got a contract position and started working again. Three week's later I was admitted into the hospital for preeclampsia (including massive migraines and swollen legs/feet). Other than being allowed to use the restroom I was not permitted to leave my hospital bed for several days. Those were hard days on our family.
When I was allowed to go home over the weekend it was with instructions for strict bed rest. My doctor and I were going to do anything to get this baby to 37 weeks. If it weren't for friends and amazing church support I don't know how I would have made it. The day after Labor Day I was admitted back in the hospital where I gave birth to our second son, before having my tubes tied.
Many ups and down have happened over the years since our children were born. Our daughter was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder, and her younger brother has Autism. I also went through a period of postpartum depression after the birth of my last son, followed by falling down the stairs twice, and rupturing a disk in my back requiring surgery.
I certainly don't have the thin body I dreamed of as a kid, and in many ways its still falling a part. I was a photographer for a time and my kids already are used to having the camera constantly in their faces. I have been, and still am a writer, writing YA fiction, essays, magazine articles, etc. And my husband and I started taking Archery classes together just last week.
It is only now that I start to look back just how unrealistic my expectations were of where my life should go. But I am forever grateful that it has gone the way it has. I cherish my three little brilliant monsters. I still don't know what I'm doing, but I wouldn't change being a mom for anything. I may not be the BEST mom, according to my unrealistic expectations, but I am a growing mom. And like a garden I find things that work and things that don't, but I look forward to the fruits of my labors. As such, I plan on using this blog to post things that I've learned through reading, from other mom's, and most importantly from my children about how to never give up trying to be the best mom you can be (whatever that means).
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