One of the struggles I have had as a mom is wishing I could understand my children better. I know....shocker, huh. I haven't met a mom who hasn't felt that way at some point. Especially with two of my kids alternative thinking setups I feel as if I'm on a totally different plane than they are. Now keep in mind, I'm looking at my kids suddenly from the aspect of a tired, worn out, physically depleted mother and totally misreading their cues. Logically I understand that they're toddlers and may not even understand themselves what they are thinking or feeling because they haven't learned the definitions yet.
When you throw in developmental delays the frustration levels might increase. For me they most certainly did. I remember when my Rose was about six months old and we were living in a different state than the rest of extended family. I grew up the youngest of two kids and the only one with children of my own. My mom wasn't there. My step mom wasn't there. And I had no sisters I could turn to. One day while my husband was at work, Rose and I were alone in our tiny apartment and she started to cry. . .and cry. . .and cry. I didn't know what to do. Nothing I tried seemed to help.
Finally, in desperation I called someone I had met at church and left a desperate voice message, "My baby is crying and I don't know why and I don't know what to do." This sweet lady (who had five or six kids or her own - all a little older) heard my plea and willingly came over to my house. As soon as I handed the baby over to her Rose stopped crying. I was offended. Now I know what you're going to say . . . she was just a baby . . .how can you be offended by a little baby. But I'm being honest with you. I was hurt. I couldn't help my baby, but somebody else could. I was her mom. Wasn't I supposed to inherently know all the answers.
It has taken me years to realize that no, we don't instinctively have all the answers - and that's okay. The thing that we need to realize, and is often the hardest to admit, is that its okay to accept help (and dare I say it - ask for help).
For example, when Rose was about twenty months old I was SO frustrated because I COULD NOT communicate with my daughter. I didn't understand what she wanted/needed. So my dear, sweet, amazing husband surprised me with Your Baby Can Read.
This program is awesome. It teaches kids sight words that they can use for objects, actions, etc., and then follows them up with pictures so they can connect words with images. The program came with books, videos, helper cards., etc. It was BRILLIANT. Suddenly Rose was learning words and we could start connecting in little ways.
Then this year, my now four year old, Cyperus, went in for his birthday checkup and I was talking to the doctor about his speech delays. Keep in mind this kid is smarter than me. He took apart the keyboard of my laptop when he was two just so that he could figure out how it works. Cyperus can also recite word for word the entire Your Baby Can Read videos before the sections happen and without sound. However, he hasn't connected that you can use words to communicate with others. Because of this his pediatrician recommended that we teach him sign language and I readily agreed.
But where do you start. I mean learning English is bad enough, but how do you teach someone sign language when you hardly know it yourself. That's where my amazing friends come in. I made mention of what the pediatrician said and instantly people came to my rescue--a neighbor lent me her Baby Signing Time dvds and another friend loaned me her Signing Time dvds. My kids went NUTS!!!! They LOVE them. All of a sudden all three of my kids are signing along to the music and doing the signs. And suddenly my autistic son starts communicating to me in sign language things that he wants, but not only that, he says the words to. Now its starting to connect to him that you can get your point across to others, you don't have to live in your own world with a major disconnect around you.
We have since learned that you can also check out some of these dvds at our local library, watch them on YouTube.com and through Netflix instant streaming. Thanks to all of these sources and recommendations from friends and husbands a like I am now being able to talk with my kids in their own language. And that is a blessing I will forever cherish.
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