One of the first things people warn me about when they learn that I have "special needs" kids is that I am going to have to fight for them. I didn't truly get that. I mean why would I want to teach my kids to fight? Isn't that the opposite of what we're supposed to teach kids?
In reality I am learning that it means that as their mom I have to be just as stubborn and tenacious as they are in order to get them the help that they need (whether or not I was born that way). The problem is that I rarely know what I'm supposed to be fighting for.
As I said in a previous post two of my kids were in the local school district special needs preschool. What was fantastic about that was how absolutely amazing and brilliant their teacher and aides were. Ms. W was and is my hero. She believes in my kids and puts up a bureaucratical fight to get them the specific help they need. When it came time for Rose to transition to Kindergarten, Ms. W went through all the steps with me, reviewed Rose's goals and what we hoped she grow on over the next week. We also agreed, that based on my daughter's needs, she should attend a small class Kindergarten. That way she could get the focus she needed and have lest sensory distractions to pull her away from her studies. As such, we established her Individual Education Plan (IEP) and sent in the needed documents to make the transition.
Overall the transition went rather smoothly. I was notified over the summer that she would need to be bused to a school in a different town for her Kindergarten year. In the Fall I took Rose to meet her teacher who performed the initial evaluation to see how much Rose already new. Afterwards the teacher turned to me and asked, "Why is she in my class?" I tried to explain to her about the SPD and how it affects Rose and she just nodded.
A few months later, when I met with the Kindergarten teacher during Parent-Teacher Conference, she informed me that she thought Rose should be transitioned to regular Kindergarten. Her reasoning was that when Rose was in her class she behaved like the kids who had greater needs (i.e. Rose would begin climbing on chairs, and other copycat activities). The teacher had for several weeks been sending Rose to the regular Kindergarten at that school to see how she would react. There were still some social/emotional difficulties (like when she couldn't complete an assignment in the allotted time), but overall she acted like the "regular" kids. Her reasoning seemed sound to me. So I went in a few weeks later and signed the agreement to transition her to the local school.
Let me tell you, that transition SUCKED. To be honest there were several serious health issues going on at home with other members of our family that did divide my attention and concern, so I probably wasn't as observant during the process as I could have been. However, when I went in to the new school the fantastic secretary helped me get all the paperwork taken care of. Then I was told that I would be contacted for the transition meeting where the old teacher, the new teacher, the principal, the special needs instructor, and possibly the school psychologist would meet together to create a smooth cross over. I told them, "Tell me when and where and I'll be there."
The following Tuesday as I was getting the kids dressed for school I got a call from the new school informing me that everyone was waiting on me for the transition meeting. I explained to them that no one had informed me as to when the meeting was going to be held. I was then told that that's okay they would go ahead and have the meeting without me and fill me up later with anything they needed me to do.
Now fast forward to when its nearly the end of the school year and I was talking to a school psychologist that I know from a different district, as well as another teacher friend, about an incident that had occurred at school that ended in Rose being sent home. This psychologist then told me that me having been excluded from the transition meeting was completely illegal. They should have cancelled the meeting or waited for me to arrive. So I started investigating things a little more. I pulled out the latest report I had received from Rose's new teacher and realized that there were only three updates on seven goals, and only those that were academic.
I then took Rose to piano lessons and learned from her teacher that her son, who also has SPD, was getting Occupational Therapy through the school. So I put on my brave face (I suck at confrontation) and went into the school. I asked when we could schedule a new IEP meeting and that I would like to request my daughter receive Occupational Therapy through the school. Once again, the school secretary, being the awesome person she is, took it upon herself to make sure that the right people contacted me. I then had to fill out the appropriate paperwork to have my daughter retested (like she was when she was put in the special needs preschool) to prove that she needs the assistance.
Yesterday I received a call from the Special Needs teacher letting me know that the paperwork was being submitted for Rose's testing. She asked me if I had any questions and I asked her if any of the other goals on my daughter's IEP were being tracked. She looked up her file and what she told me totally made me flabbergasted. Apparently, when Rose was transitioned to the regular school all of her other IEP goals were crossed off and apparently my initials were on the paper. Now, I admit I was going through a completely CRAPPY fall, but I would have never willingly stated that Rose no longer needed to work on those goals. And I told the teacher this. I also explained to her that things must have been building up over the last few months as Rose was coming home with more and more incomplete assignments from school that she was expected to do at home, followed by the incident that got her sent home. I told the teacher that if we had been working on those crossed off goals I don't think we would have ever gotten to this point.
So what's this rant all about in the long run? I just want to put it out there, that whether or not you have "special needs" kids, please keep your eyes open to make sure your kids are getting the help they need. The schools these days seem to be filled with overworked-underpaid teachers who have been stretched to thin. And my child, your child, is just one of many kids they have to deal with. Sometimes, with no one person to blame, the ball gets dropped and your kid gets hurt.
I apologize right here and now to my daughter. I am sorry, Rose, if I have dropped the ball. I am not one who is good with conflict. I rarely seem to know where to turn for answers and sometimes I am just stretched just to thin. But you are my daughter, and I love you, and I will fight for you with all my heart to give you the tools that you need to succeed in this life. No, I will not live this life for you, and no, I will not do your homework for you. But I will be by your side, defending your rights, and finding those people with the ability to help you were I may fall short. I love you babe!
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