Have I mentioned that I love to read? 'Cause I do. And I have very eclectic tastes - from Shakespeare and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, to Brandon Sanderson, Shannon Hale, Meg Cabot and oh about a thousand or so others. I don't think that I could ever get enough reading, though I think my kids think otherwise.
My littlest, I'll call him Juniper cause I can't think of any plants/trees right now other than that, is a whopping 2 1/2 year old. He is a beautiful mix of "terrible twos" and humor all wrapped up into a tall, amazing toddler that makes me laugh and smile at the same time I want to send him to his room. And right now he's in a hitting phase. And not just hitting in particular, but hitting Mommy (we're working on that).
Our church meetings are right in the little tike's nap time, and that can make it hard on his body and my spirit. When we went this last Sunday, he was already tired, so much so that he didn't want to go to sleep. So instead, he kicked, punched and screamed his way out of the meeting before it ever began. Not of my usual "techniques" worked to calm him. I took him to the "mother's room" and tried to rock him. Someone tried to show him a familiar movie on their phone. We tried soft music. I tried walking him around outside. No matter what, he kicked and punched me. He was tired and by then so was I.
Finally, I took him to the car and strapped him in his car seat. Immediately he was quite. But he wouldn't go to sleep. I couldn't drive anywhere because my keys were on the pew back in the chapel and I wouldn't leave him in the car alone, and I couldn't take him back in.
Now, because I'm a reader I always keep something to read in my car. I had two choices - 1) J. Scott Savage's Air Keep (Book #3 of the Farworld Series) or pamphlets by Hand-in-Hand Parenting.
Being Sunday and supposedly the middle of Sacrament meeting I started reading the pamphlets. A friend at book club had recommended these collection of 6 pamphlets almost a year ago. I had finally ordered them a few months ago, but never really found myself sitting down to read them all the way through. So while Joseph watched the clouds roll by I started reading the one on Play Listening.
The theory is that by sitting on the floor with your child and letting them lead the play time that they will slowly unveil the things that have been troubling them. They will show you through mimicking what someone else has done to them. And by letting them be the director of the play they can talk to you in their own way.
I sort of attempted my own version with Juniper still strapped in his seat. I crawled in the backseat with him (which totally confused him at first), but then we started playing peek-a-boo and a couple other interactive things. Then I asked him if he was ready to go back inside and be calm. And he said, "Inside. Calm." So, I got him out of his seat and we went back inside. By then Sacrament meeting was all over. Oh well. My husband met us in the hallway and took Juniper to Nursery class. Then I packed up my stuff, helped my husband get the stroller out of the car. After a quick kiss goodbye I drove home and took some migraine medicine and went to bed.
Through skimming these pamphlets, and following the Hand-in-Hand Parenting emails and advice online I've gotten great ideas of how to deal with tantrums, and other things kids do, that might send us parents spiraling towards crazy town. I've learned that its important to help reset the kids brain that (if you are emotionally capable of it) staying nearby when the kid is in time out. They need the chance to vent. They're in little body's but with a growing mind, but not the understanding of what is happening to them. And its scary. So as long as you are nearby they at least they get the sense that you won't disappear on them when they are scared.
I've tried that with Rose before and its amazing what a different it makes. Now I'm going to have to go back and read the other 5 pamphlets in their entirety and maybe it will give me more ideas of how to help Juniper survive church.
For anyone interested in learning more about Hand-in-Hand parenting, here is their webpage: http://www.handinhandparenting.org/
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