"Life as a Spectrum Mom"

Earlier this year my counselor told me I was sabotaging my writing. In a fit that would make my children proud, I thought, Oh yeah. I'll show you.

I am proud to present the book Life as a Spectrum Mom: The Ups, Downs, and Upside Downs of Parenting Autistic Kids. It's a series of essays, short stories, and laughable moments about my learning curve as a mom raising three kids on the spectrum. As far as style goes, think Erma Bombeck and Lisa Scottoline.

This is the first book in a series of books that will including such topics as transitions, routines, schools, tests, parent survival tips, and more. My goal is to expand the series to include the stories from other parents expounding on a portrait of their experiences. We all may be in a similar predicament, but our stories are as individual as our personalities.

To learn more about what Autism is like from a parent's perspective, click here: Life as a Spectrum Mom

How Life As A Mom Can Be Scary & Fun

Here for your enjoyment is the story won me 3rd place in the Adult category for our local Halloween Scary Short Story Contest last night. 

Asylum

by Karen Pellett

October 2015

 

The sun tucked behind the distant mountains, hiding her escape but also making it impossible to see where it was safe to run. Cindy’s skin prickled with the kiss of bitter smoke on the wind and the sudden drop in temperature. She grabbed hold of a nearby tree to steady her weakened knees, but the coarse bark cut into her palm until it bled. The rain-soaked ground undulated beneath her feet, resembling the body of a serpent slithering below her in the fading light. The pain and numbness from the drugs’ lasting effects only intensified the hallucinogenic feeling.

Clawing her way up the tree-blanketed hill side, her hair fell in shriveled threads out of its ponytail, creating temporary cracks in her vision. She brushed the errant strands out of her eyes looking for a path through the forest brush. As she stepped over a fallen branch, her foot sunk into a puddle of mud, leaves, and slime. Cindy tugged her foot hard until it pulled free with a slurp and a pop. The frayed pink strap on her sandal snapped and sank silently into an oozy grave.

Her heart pounded like a jackhammer on steroids, but she had to think. How long had it been? Ten, fifteen minutes? They must have discovered her absence by now. The marks on her wrists from the ropes that once bound her felt tender. Memories rampaged through her head. The people hidden behind surgical masks. The experiments. The pain. The screaming.  The smell of burnt nylon and skin so real she nearly gagged.

The crickets ceased their chirping. Cindy bit down on her cheek to quiet the pending sob until blood seeped through her lips. As she slid down the trunk of a nearby tree, the bark tore at the fabric of her stained shift and tearing at her back. What were a few more scratches to the tally she’d already earned that night?

The crisp leaves crunched under her weight as she shifted, startling a garden snake from the safety of its hole. She gasped. A low guttural sound rumbled the woods from down the hill in answer, sending a feral echo through the night. A flock of birds escaped into the safety of the blackened sky. Cindy closed her eyes, wishing that she could sprout wings and fly with them to the safety of the stars—away from the Hunters.

She peeked out at the forest around her. The white of the quaking aspen trunks looked like skeleton fingers digging their way out of the ground, grasping for air, for life. She shivered and rubbed her arms to erase the feeling, leaving a single bloody trail on her skin; she looked down at her feet—the one pink sandal still holding tightly on her right foot, blue nail polish worn and scratched. Wrapping her arms around her knees she rocked to and fro, the sandal coming in and out of view.

Pink. Forest floor. Pink. Forest floor.

The rhythm soothed her aching heart as she counted along to the time of her rocking. But something tickled at her conscience. Something felt off.

You mean more wrong than being hunted as prey, she thought to herself.

Pink. That inkling tugged at her pained skull. Something about the color.

What’s wrong with pink?

She stopped rocking, staring down at her feet. The pink glared at her against the darkness, a beacon in the night. She fumbled with the strap; her fingers numbly tugging at the metal until the leather strap broke lose.   Ripping the sandal free from her foot she clawed at the moist soil until the dirt broke away in chunks.

No. No. No.

She shoved the shoe into the hole and desperately dragged the crushed leaves, twigs and dirt to hide the signs of its existence.

A few moments later, the muffled sound of the Hunter’s young voice reached through the darkness. “I think I saw something over this direction . . . It’s one of her shoes. We’re close.”

Not yet. Please.

The trees to her left thinned too much for Cindy to escape into; to the right, a mesh of long forgotten shrubbery which just might lead to safety. Moving to her hands and knees, she crawled in the direction of the hedge.

“Shhh, I think I heard something,” said the young male hunter.

Cindy inched further toward the bushes. Rounding their worn edge inch by inch, her arms trembled, her body worn out, until she spied the framed of a cabin. Her heart pounded as she debated the still slow crawl or a mad dash to safety. The bushes behind Cindy rustled. She leapt to her feet and ran—the safety of the porch mere feet away.

“Gotcha!”

Two heavy bodies plowed into Cindy, knocking her to the ground. Her hair knotted with the debris from the pile of leaves she landed in.

“No!” she screamed.

An animal jumped around the edge of her vision, growling and barking. As her attackers struggled to subdue her, the bang of the cabin door opening was a gunshot in the night. Cindy’s attackers froze giving her a clear view of the doorway. A man towered in the doorway, his shoulders blocked out the majority of the door, his head nearly touching the frame, but his bearded face clouded over as he looked down on them.

“Please!” Cindy yelled. “Help me.” The Hunters’ weight on her chest made it impossible to say more.

The man rushed to her aid with a roar.

“You’re home!” The Hunters squealed as they leapt off of her tired frame.

The family cocker spaniel no longer growled his feral rumble from the hunt but yipped around the children’s feet as they rushed into their father’s arms. Cindy collapsed back onto the pile of leaves she and the Hunters had raked up earlier that morning, her muscles aching with the strain of the day. She wanted to run into the safety of her husband’s arms as quickly as her children had, but she could barely move.

The crunch of heavy boots on the scattered leaves grew louder. After a few moments of silence her husband took her by the hand and helped Cindy to her feet. “Need a break?”

She shook her head, and then stopped. The pain wasn’t a part of the costume. “And miss out on Trick or Treating?”

He rolled his eyes at her. Hand in hand, they walked toward the cabin; the sounds of their children inside vibrated the walls.

Cindy sighed at the noise, stopped to look into the murky woods that outlined their home, and bit her lip. She had to do it. Standing on her tiptoes she kissed her husband’s scratchy beard.

“I forgot my shoe.” She ran toward the hedge border, calling over her shoulder, and said, “Every Cinderella must have her slipper.”

Her haunting laughter echoed through the forest as the darkness enveloped her into its quiet arms.

 Happy Halloween Everyone!!!!!!!

When They Tug At Your Heart

The other day I made a dinner that I knew that my children wouldn't eat.  They have sensory issues, but we're trying to learn to live within our means (a.k.a. not to pick up dinner anytime Mom just doesn't feel like cooking). 

My Rose took one look at that and said, "I'm not going to eat that. I know what you need to do, Mom. You need to make chicken nuggets."

I told her that we no longer had the money to just go out and buy chicken nuggets, that we needed to learn to eat what was in the house.

Rose jumped up from the table and said, "I have the solution."  She ran to her backpack and dug deep, tossing things onto the floor as she went, then came running back in the dining room and handed me an envelope. It was pink with a pig on it. She explained that she'd learned all about money today and that this was her piggy bank.

She gave me the bank and said, "Here Mommy, you can have my money so you can go buy chicken nuggets."

It was the sweetest thing ever. I pulled her into a hug and thanked her (trying hard not to cry)......but couldn't bring myself to tell her that the money wasn't really. I just couldn't. 

However, I still didn't buy chicken nuggets.

What is Normal?

I am used to doing things abnormally in my life. I mean I rode an exercise bike when I was a teenager only to have the bolt fall out of the seat. I promptly fell backwards onto the floor and crushed the vertebrae in my upper back.  Who does something weird like that?  Me, of course.

Well, I had a really rough weekend taking a road trip with my amazing, sweet, adorable special needs kids.  The trip was great. The ride home, not so much.  The trip threw my kids out-of-sync and messed with their routines. When that happens its really easy for them to get upset.

We got home from our trip Saturday night and Sunday we stayed at home to recover at celebrate little Juniper's 3rd birthday a day late. But because he was already out of sync Juniper was grumpy all day and would throw things at me (his go to method of showing frustration for the last several months).  When Juniper decided not to eat his birthday cupcakes (Despicable Me Minions) we decided to give them to friends and neighbors.  I hopped in the car to take some over to a friend only to realize my car smelled like pee from some potty accidents during out trip.  When I got home I took out all the car seats and took off their covers to give them a good cleaning.

While they were being washed I had Cyprus' booster seat sitting on the couch. Juniper kept playing with the seat while jumping up and down on the couch. After a while he was getting tired and grumpy and started kicking me in the shoulder. When I wouldn't react he upped the ante and picked up Cyprus' car seat and threw it at my head. (I know have a concussion and got to experience an MRI of my brain today as a result.)

Between that and having dislocated my collar bone trying to give things to kids in the backseat while on our trip, I decided to visit my friendly, local neighborhood chiropractor for an adjustment.  While adjusting me, my chiropractor asked me to lift my legs to see if I was having any difficulties with my lower spine. I couldn't lift my right one while laying on my tummy at all.  After a few more tries I told him that it felt like my knee had locked up. 

"Hmm, that's odd."

He felt around a bit and realized I was right and he had to adjust my knee as well as my back.  I made mention at the time "I don't do things normal."

He had the best response I had ever heard.  "I don't believe there is any such thing as normal.  Normal is more like an average than a specific state of mind."

I LOVE THAT!!!!  So who cares if you aren't normal. That just means you aren't average and there is nothing wrong with that.  Enjoy doing things in your own unique way and stop trying to "fit" in.  You're amazing the way you are.

Migraine Mischief

Last night was very difficult for me.  I suffer from chronic migraines and last night's was a doozy. My husband and daughter went to go help someone move in. While they were gone, Cyprus and Juniper took to beating each other's heads against the way, throwing each other across the room, etc., all in the name of good wrestling fun.  The only problem with that is it freaks this mommy out.  I hate seeing my kids hurt each other (even if they don't realize that's what they are doing) and I can't even read their minds to figure out why they were doing it in the first place.  All I know is that when I'm suffering from migraines my kids honestly instinctively amp up the mischief by 1000%.

After about 45  minutes of trying to break them up I finally called for a bath night. I quickly got Juniper in the tub and went to go hunt down Cyprus. By the time I had returned Juniper was taking the bucket that we wash their hair with and dumping it all over the bathroom floor, flooding the towels, floor mats, etc.  I was beyond livid and in a lot of pain by that point.

After my husband got home and we got Rose in the bath, Frank's mom called. When I got to talk to her I went into the boys' bedroom because the sound of two rambunctious boys bouncing on our bed to They Might Be Giants ABC's was more than I could handle.  While I was having a lovely conversation with my mother-in-law I was laying on Cyprus' bed. When Cyprus came into the room and saw me in his bed he grabbed his two favorite blankets, covered me up, said "Goodnight", then closed the bedroom door and turned off the light.

First of all, he has never said goodnight to me before. . .ever.  Secondly, it was the sweetest, kindest thing he could do after the rough night we had.  Suddenly, I was no longer mad at my kids.  And when he came back into the room he walked up to me and started rocking my body back and forth saying, "Hey! Wake up!"  All I could do was laugh.

Even after rough days I really lough these little squirts.

Doctor Visits

I took Cyprus to the doctor today. We've had this weird sinus pressure/runny nose thing going around the house.  I've got it full blown and am down for the count. Juniper's turned into an ear infection and Rose has had a runny nose.  So since Cyprus starts school tomorrow at the special needs preschool I needed to make sure that if he did have an infection he'd be able to take the antibiotic for a day before starting school.

The funny thing about Cyprus is he always surprises me.  Whatever I expect him to do he rarely does, but not necessarily in a bad way. I had taken Juniper to the doctor on Friday and had to hold him as he fought to get free during the check up (granted he ended up having an ear infection).  With Cyprus he ran to get on the scales to be weighed. When the nurse took his temperature, he grabbed the oxygen meter and put it on his finger correctly. Then when we got back in the room he started taking deep breaths even though the doctor wasn't there to listen to his lungs yet.  When the nurse went to tell the doctor we were ready Cyprus called after her and said, "Thank you."

Our pediatrician likes to give the kids their own tongue depressor to hold and play with during the exam. With Juniper he immediately threw it on the floor. With Cyprus he opened his mouth, pressed his tongue down with the stick and said, "Ahhhhh."  What a remarkable kid. And it was wide enough for the doctor to get a great look at Cyprus's throat.

And after all that the doctor said his ears and throat are not infected and that he is not contagious. So he is cleared to start school tomorrow. Hip hip hooray!!!! Apparently though if a runny nose lasts more than two weeks you should have your child checked out again just to make sure it hasn't turned into a sinus infection.  Huh, now I know.

Inventions I'm grateful for while potty training . . .

One of the top banes of parenthood has to be the dreaded season of potty training. Silly me decided to try two kids at once - and both boys at that.  We've had our ups and downs, but there are certain inventions that are making this process endurable. They include, but are not limited to:

1) Febreze - Enough said
2) Lysol - Okay ditto
3) Glade Candles - Do you get the point
4) Patience - I'm still looking for an unlimited supply of this (and preferably on sale too)
5) Bubbles - Instant reward for any little boy
6) Red Starburst - One of the few treats my little Cyprus will eat (for some reason I have a kid opposed to sweets)
7) YouTube - When you are forced to have potty time on a potty chair anywhere using a device with YouTube on it can give the potty trainee enough distraction to do the deed
8) Kindle - See above invention
9) Washers & Dryers & Carpet Cleaners - For when accidents abound
10) Smiles & Cheers - The best inventions are free and can really make a little ones day


So what are some tips, tricks or tools that you have used to survive this horrid of seasons?

Things you never thought you'd say. . .

"Because I said so, that's why. . .  "

"Just wait until your father gets home . . . "

"No TV until you've practice you're piano . . . "


Any of these sound familiar?  We all go through a phase as parents where we swear we will never say the same things that our parents said to us.  And yet, at some point we usually do.  Well, have you ever thought of the things you find yourself saying that you never thought in a million years you would say. Ever. Period. ?????


Like . . .

"That pizza cutter does not go up your butt crack."

"That turkey baster doesn't go in your bell button."

"That sock doesn't go over your privates."

Yep, that's one my sweet husband had to say last night.  And having sensory kids who are potty training we've said a lot worse.  Our kids do things by feel, touch, and taste.  And some of the things we've had to stop or kids from doing aren't appropriate to post here.  But oh boy have we found ourselves blushing, laughing, and shaking our heads.


So while I'm busy disinfecting clothes and kitchen ware how about you tell me what are some of the strangest things you ever found yourself saying to your children?

Unusual Toys

So the thing about having unique children is that they come up with highly unusual ways to entertain themselves. Yesterday Cyprus brought in a brick from the back yard. He has been carrying it around everywhere with him and every now and then he'll lay it on the floor and start running circles around it.  My husband made mention he was "running around the block" for exercise.

The today we went to the grocery store to buy bananas. This afternoon Cyprus comes walking in with the whole bunch and sits down on them.  I guess he thinks they are shaped like a chair.

Yeah, so anyone want some bruised/squished bananas that were sit on by a 4 year old?

Sharing Room

One of the balancing acts of being part of a blended family is defining space.  From the moment we moved to the same state as Lemongrass and Anise I wanted them to feel like this was their second home. The first thing we did was get them a bunk bed so they didn't have to sleep on the floor. Then, when I could I bought them sheets and blankets for their specific tastes.  When we bought our town home we even did gave them their own room. Then we got pregnant and then pregnant again. That's when we started trying to figure out how we fit seven of us in a three bedroom town home.  Our finances don't allow for a bigger place, so we swing things the best we can with what we have. 


With the birth of Juniper we switched around the rooms again to put the little kids all in one room, like an old-fashioned nursery with modern thrift store colors and décor. And I moved the big kids into the smaller room with their bunk beds.  To make up for putting my stepsons into the smaller room I let them choose what colors we would paint it. So it is now a rotating paint job of the exact reds and blues that matched their favorite Pokemon games (though personally it reminds me more of the colors of Mario's had and overalls). On one wall, above the chair rail, is blue and below is red. On the next wall we switched the colors.  I kind of like it, but I'm sure we're going to have to repaint if we ever do choose to sell.


That was about two years ago. As the little kids started becoming toddlers and school-aged it was harder and harder to get them to sleep. Since they shared a bedroom they would rile each other up until there was tired fighting everywhere.  I am currently working with this amazing counselor to help me learn how to cope and succeed at being a good mom. Her suggestion is that while the boys were back home with their mom that I put Rose into their bedroom to separate her from Cyprus and Juniper. For the most part it works really great.  Then when the Lemongrass and Anise come to visit she moves back in with the little boys.


I'm grateful for Lemongrass and Anise being patient with this ring around the roses style of living. But in many ways I feel sorry for them.  Rose loves them dearly and misses them terribly when they leave. She adores her big brothers and gets totally hyper anytime they come visit.  Yesterday they were packing up to go back home.  I took that opportunity to strip all the beds and wash all the linens. Afterwards I remade the bottom bunk with Rose's sheets. I explained to her that her brothers were going home, so she could move back into the smaller room. 


Immediately she ran downstairs and asked her big brothers, "Are you going home?" 
"Yes," they replied.
"Yippee!!!!"


Oy, I felt so bad.  Apparently she did later explain that she was just excited to not have to share rooms with Juniper and Cyprus.  Oh what a crazy life we lead. 


I just hope that Lemongrass and Anise know how much I love them and cherish the time spent with them.  And no matter what I will always do my best to try and make them feel like this is truly an extension of their home. Because it is.  Love you boys.

New Perspective

One of the fun side effects of having kids/step-kids is getting a new perspective on things like movies, video games, etc.


Lemongrass and Anise showed us the other day a video on YouTube.com about how if you look at the deep meaning of Nintendo video games then you would realize how evil Mario truly is to his "friends/family".


Today I put on Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs 2 for the kids while I prepped food for a writing retreat I'm taking this weekend. When I took a moment to sit down Lemongrass & I started getting into a discussion to determine exactly why kind of food the humans in the movie would be able to eat on an island where all the food had become foodimals (half food/half animals).


Also they have brought out a discussion on which characters will make sense being in the new Super Smash Brothers Brawl coming out at the end of the year and whether or not there will be an equal number of playable female to male characters. 


With the little ones I get new perspective on when they like to chance the language on my kindle so that they are playing games in Korean.


I love it. I love learning from all my kids and being asked questions that makes me think of things beyond what I would normally give myself time to think of in my day-to-day life.  So in the end, my kids are simply awesome.

Missing Tooth Fairy

Back in February or so Rose was scared and nervous because her brother punched her and it loosened one of her front teeth.  It took having a neighbor friend bring over her son who is older than Rose come over to show Rose his two missing before she could calm down. Well, in May Rose lost her bottom two front teeth by chewing on a chip clip. Yep a chip clip. Don't ask me why, but all my kids put everything in their mouths.


She was so excited and we set the teeth aside on the piano bench that's on top of the kitchen counter (long story).  We told Rose we'd have to get out an envelope to put the teeth in and put them under her pillow so that the Tooth Fairy could come and get them. 


Um . . . (blushes) that was at least four weeks ago. The teeth are still on the piano bench and Rose has never gotten her Tooth Fairy Booty (still not sure how much a tooth is worth nowadays). We talk about it from time to time saying that we really should get the envelope so that the Tooth Fairy can come and collect the teeth. Yep, they're still there. And Rose doesn't seem concerned at all.


Poor Tooth Fairy must have some serious questions about this family. Oh well.

Emergency Kits

In an unusual moment of productivity six months after Juniper was born I put together 72 hour emergency backpacks for each member of the family. We even had a church activity where we all got together and made food kits for the backpacks. It was awesome. I felt so accomplished.


Money has gotten a bit tight lately so I broke into the emergency kits a week or so ago to utilize the food for lunches for my kids. I've learned that some things don't last well flavor wise.  I've also learned that . . . um. . . its been two years since I've made the 72 hour kits.  So we've been writing down the food items we like and want to replace so that we can update them.


I had noticed last week that there were diapers in one of the backpacks in a size that none of my kids can way anymore. So finally yesterday I went through to update the kids clothes as well.  Yeah, so, um, Rose's backpack had size 4T clothes and pull-ups. Cyprus had 18 month clothes and size 4 diapers. And Juniper had size 6 month clothes, diapers, and individual formula packets.   Did I mention that Rose is 6 now, Cyprus is 4, and Juniper will shortly be 3 years old. 


I went ahead and updated their clothes, adding a second outfit instead of just one, and put in clothes that were at least 2-4 sizes bigger than they currently are.  I'm also working on building 72 hour kits for my two teenage stepsons' backpacks to include clothes they can wear.  I want to make sure they are prepared if there is ever an emergency when they are visiting us.


So my recommendation for today is if you don't have a 72 kit start putting together one from stuff you have around the house (cause something is better than nothing). And if you already have a kit when was the last time you to a look at it to see if it needed updating? If you're like me it might have been years.  Happy preparing!

Personal Entourage

Ever since school got out I have my own personal entourage. Kids laying by my door waiting for me to get up for the day. Me tripping over kids who follow everywhere I go (within a one foot radius). Kids panicking if mommy even looks like she's going to be headed out the door.


I over did it yesterday in a cleaning frenzy, and since we had a meeting with an insurance guy this morning, my husband worked from home and offered to watch the kids while I slept in.  (Yes, I have a remarkable husband. You can't have him.) 


Once again at 6 am Cyprus was laying by our door kicking the security gate. Frank got up with him and locked our bedroom door so that I could go back to bed.  I eventually got up at 9 a.m but all three kids at one point or another came knocking at my door. Frank even said that when he came upstairs to get the kids their clothes all three kids were lying on the floor outside of our bedroom.  Just laying there. Waiting on mommy. 


Also, when Rose had gotten up for the morning she came to our door and I heard her knock quietly. When I refused to answer she knocked a bit louder. Then louder. And louder. And then started screaming.  I called out that I was sleeping at that she should go downstairs where daddy and breakfast was. Rose went back to her room and screamed for the next several minutes about how she didn't want to go back to sleep and that she couldn't go downstairs without mommy. I even heard Frank trying to talk to her and calm her down.


Later, when we sat down with the insurance agent, all three kids came into the room and suddenly wanted to sit on our laps and Rose even started rubbing my face and purred like a kitten.  Then when I went around the house taking pictures of everything in order to record what we own in case of a fired the whole motley crew followed me around on my heels, trying to add their two cents to the photographs.


Its a good thing my kids are so awesome and I love them so much.  And I'm so incredibly gratefully for the fantastic husband who supports our crazy life.  I am truly blessed (even if feeling slightly claustrophobic at the moment).

Art Work of All Types

Funny Moment by Choice -


My Juniper and I went to the grocery store today since its the last day I can go before the older kids are out of school for the summer. While I was unloading the groceries onto the conveyor belt and figuring out the items that qualify for ad match Juniper got a hold of the pen I was using to check off my grocery list.


First he started with his shirt. When that didn't work to well he took to drawing on his legs. At that point I didn't really care. He had been patient the whole long shopping trip and I was busy trying to figure out how to reload the cart and pay the cashier.


Suddenly I look up and Juniper had is leg sticking straight up in the air. He had run out of room on the front of his legs so he opted to draw all over his calves, followed by the bottom of his feet.  The cashier and I both broke out laughing. Juniper was concentrating so hard and being very serious about the hold process.


This is one time I decided why get upset. I get to have a walking piece of art work with me.