"Life as a Spectrum Mom"

Earlier this year my counselor told me I was sabotaging my writing. In a fit that would make my children proud, I thought, Oh yeah. I'll show you.

I am proud to present the book Life as a Spectrum Mom: The Ups, Downs, and Upside Downs of Parenting Autistic Kids. It's a series of essays, short stories, and laughable moments about my learning curve as a mom raising three kids on the spectrum. As far as style goes, think Erma Bombeck and Lisa Scottoline.

This is the first book in a series of books that will including such topics as transitions, routines, schools, tests, parent survival tips, and more. My goal is to expand the series to include the stories from other parents expounding on a portrait of their experiences. We all may be in a similar predicament, but our stories are as individual as our personalities.

To learn more about what Autism is like from a parent's perspective, click here: Life as a Spectrum Mom

Building A Love for Science

I am a writer and a reader. Math and Science are not my specialties, but I have been helping a friend test out candy experiments for a sequel to her first book - Candy Experiments.





The experiments in this book, as well as the new ones I have been lucky enough to test for her, bring science into the home in a fun and exciting way. Plus, it teaches kids that they can do more things with candy than just eat it.  We've soaked, baked, microwaved, frozen, and much more to chocolate, gummy worms, jawbreakers, Skittles and more, just to see the chemical reactions that take place when we do it. The kids learn to document their findings and learn the science behind it all.


As a family we've been doing these experiments for several months now and you should see Rose's face light up as she'll come running into the kitchen and ask me, "Mom, can we do more science?"  This from a 6 year old.  She's even told her teacher she is planning on becoming a scientist.  I love it.  How often do you see that kind of excitement.  And you know what? I love doing it too. I'm learning amazing new things and have a chance to make my kids happy.  I call that a Win-Win.


To see my book review of the first Candy Experiments book click here: Candy Experiments.

It's all about the Finish!

Being a writer I get the chance to meet some pretty amazing people who happen to also be writers. The great thing about that is that I can soak up all their experience and knowledge and use it to help me survive and thrive.

One of my friends is just such a person. Betsy Schow released a book last year titled Finished being Fat: An Accidental Adventure in Losing Weight and Learning How to Finish.


If you would like to read my review of her book click here: Finished Being Fat.  Now, you might think, "Oh no, not another WEIGHT LOSS book." 

Go back and read the tag line beyond the title. The main concept of this book is to find those things in our lives that we keep undone, things that we say we will get to someday, and then to actually do them.  Betsy happened to lose weight while she was learning this lesson.

For me, I am learning to make sure that I finish things that I start with my kids. Now, I'm not always 100% successful at this, but it is important for them and for me that things get finished.

If I promise my kids something, then I need to follow through. If I commit to doing something, then I need to do it (world Apocalypse interference an exception).  This book nudged me done the path of starting to deal with my postpartum depression last year,  keeps me writing, got me up and moving after back surgery, taking archery, and doing so many other things. It is because of this book that I take my kids to the park when we're all having a bad day. And its because of this book that I periodically am able to look into the things that I am unhappy with about myself and I make a decision to change that. Then I work to follow through.

So thanks Betsy - for being an awesome friend, mentor, and finisher.

The Elephant in the Room

For a mom who has issues with conflict, there's actually quite a few talks out there that I am not looking forward too. In fact, I started talking openly about anatomy with Rose since she was two in hopes that I would get over my fears to the point that the "sex talk" will be a breeze. (Ha, still working on that one.)


One of the scariest topics to discuss with your children is the pornography talk. And I'm honestly terrified to bring it up. I've seen people struggle with a pornography addiction and it is hard road to travel for everyone involved. So I want my kids to be prepared. But how the heck to you bring it up and when?


Well, I know some AWESOME people who wrote an amazing book called Good Pictures, Bad Pictures.



I know one of the authors & the illustrator and they are incredible ladies. I am beyond grateful that they created this book. The first part explains to the parents about the dangers of pornography and how it can affect kids as early as 7 years old. The second part is presented in a story format with beautiful illustrations that you can read with you kids and explains how pornography can affect a developing brain. It's clear, concise, and well done.


Now I have a six year old, and the thought terrifies me that in less than a year she could be a statistic. So I ordered this book and as soon as I started reading it and Rose immediately comes up and asks, "What's good pictures/bad pictures?" I gave her a high overview and told her that as soon as Dad and I read the book and talked about it that I would read it with her.  I couldn't believe how easily she approached me about it and wanted to talk about it.

Thank you to these three wonderful ladies for making a tough discussion suddenly a lot easier.


If you want to learn more about how to inoculate your kids against porn you can also check out Kristen's blog at http://pornproofkids.com/. I highly recommend it.

Balm for the Battered Mommy Soul

Have I mentioned that I love to read? 'Cause I do. And I have very eclectic tastes - from Shakespeare and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, to Brandon Sanderson, Shannon Hale, Meg Cabot and oh about a thousand or so others. I don't think that I could ever get enough reading, though I think my kids think otherwise.


My littlest, I'll call him Juniper cause I can't think of any plants/trees right now other than that, is a whopping 2 1/2 year old. He is a beautiful mix of "terrible twos" and humor all wrapped up into a tall, amazing toddler that makes me laugh and smile at the same time I want to send him to his room. And right now he's in a hitting phase. And not just hitting in particular, but hitting Mommy (we're working on that).


Our church meetings are right in the little tike's nap time, and that can make it hard on his body and my spirit. When we went this last Sunday, he was already tired, so much so that he didn't want to go to sleep. So instead, he kicked, punched and screamed his way out of the meeting before it ever began. Not of my usual "techniques" worked to calm him. I took him to the "mother's room" and tried to rock him. Someone tried to show him a familiar movie on their phone. We tried soft music. I tried walking him around outside. No matter what, he kicked and punched me. He was tired and by then so was I.


Finally, I took him to the car and strapped him in his car seat. Immediately he was quite. But he wouldn't go to sleep. I couldn't drive anywhere because my keys were on the pew back in the chapel and I wouldn't leave him in the car alone, and I couldn't take him back in.


Now, because I'm a reader I always keep something to read in my car. I had two choices - 1) J. Scott Savage's Air Keep (Book #3 of the Farworld Series) or pamphlets by Hand-in-Hand Parenting.


Being Sunday and supposedly the middle of Sacrament meeting I started reading the pamphlets. A friend at book club had recommended these collection of 6 pamphlets almost a year ago. I had finally ordered them a few months ago, but never really found myself sitting down to read them all the way through. So while Joseph watched the clouds roll by I started reading the one on Play Listening.


The theory is that by sitting on the floor with your child and letting them lead the play time that they will slowly unveil the things that have been troubling them. They will show you through mimicking what someone else has done to them. And by letting them be the director of the play they can talk to you in their own way.


I sort of attempted my own version with Juniper still strapped in his seat. I crawled in the backseat with him (which totally confused him at first), but then we started playing peek-a-boo and a couple other interactive things. Then I asked him if he was ready to go back inside and be calm. And he said, "Inside. Calm."  So, I got him out of his seat and we went back inside. By then Sacrament meeting was all over. Oh well. My husband met us in the hallway and took Juniper to Nursery class. Then I packed up my stuff, helped my husband get the stroller out of the car. After a quick kiss goodbye I drove home and took some migraine medicine and went to bed.


Through skimming these pamphlets, and following the Hand-in-Hand Parenting emails and advice online I've gotten great ideas of how to deal with tantrums, and other things kids do, that might send us parents spiraling towards crazy town.  I've learned that its important to help reset the kids brain that (if you are emotionally capable of it) staying nearby when the kid is in time out. They need the chance to vent. They're in little body's but with a growing mind, but not the understanding of what is happening to them. And its scary. So as long as you are nearby they at least they get the sense that you won't disappear on them when they are scared.


I've tried that with Rose before and its amazing what a different it makes. Now I'm going to have to go back and read the other 5 pamphlets in their entirety and maybe it will give me more ideas of how to help Juniper survive church. 


For anyone interested in learning more about Hand-in-Hand parenting, here is their webpage: http://www.handinhandparenting.org/

Light vs. Dark - Special Needs

(Note: To keep some privacy for my family, and to keep with the garden theme, I will represent my kids by plant/flower names.)

I hate the term "special needs" when it comes to people. It feels so black and white, light and dark. And yet there are varying shades of colors and depth to everyone.

Two of my kids fall under the qualifier "special needs", but when I look at them I see their dimensionality. My daughter, Rose, the one with Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), is a runner, an investigator, a musician, a comedian, a scientist, and a true light in my life.  She can also drive me up the wall with her stubbornness (which comes from me), her tenacity, and her spunk. All that in mind, I don't see her as fitting the term "special needs".

SPD effects everyone differently, individually. For Rose, it shows itself in how quickly she can become overwhelmed with what is going on. If there is a breeze, and a sound, and a movement, and and and and. . .her mind becomes overloaded and she begins to "tune out" things (i.e. like her mom trying to talk to her). She isn't doing it on purpose. She's doing it because its all too much that she has to parcel it down to what she can handle.

Rose also needs greater impact or pressure on her body before it jars her the way it would do other people. Because of this she tends to jump from high locations so she can feel the same pressure as someone who just hopped in place. As a result, she tends to run into walls on purpose to create sensation and generally make her mom nervous.

However, when she was little I didn't understand any of this. I just wanted to understand my daughter. I wanted to understand how Rose thought - why she did the things she did. Here I was blessed with this amazing, independent, smart, incredible being in my life and I had no clue what to do about it.

Thankfully, a friend at church sat in my daughter's class and watched Rose and saw how she reacted to things. Privately she came to me and asked if she could make a suggestion. She recommended a program called Kids on the Move that could test Rose to see if she had any developmental delays. I took my friend up on her suggestion only to find out that the age cut off was 3 years and my daughter was four. Luckily, they were able to test my son, Cyperus, who was 2 1/2, and identified him as possibly Autistic and showing developmental delays. They were then able to bring speech therapist, occupational therapists, and fine/gross motor skills therapist to my house to help me work with Cyperus.  As for Rose, they recommended that I contact the local school district for testing.

I did have Rose tested and we soon discovered that she did have some developmental delays and could qualify for the special needs preschool. The preschool has been an incredible blessing to Rose, and later to Cyperus, in helping me where I could not help my children (especially since by that time I had a one year old at home to deal with). However, it didn't change the fact that I wasn't sure how to read my kids' needs when they were at home. I talked to my doctor about my concerns with my daughter not registering me talking to her, so together we agreed to have her hearing tested. The audiologist came back and explained to me that he could tell by Rose's reactions that she was hearing the various sounds, but didn't seem to connect what she was hearing.

I went back to our doctor with those test results and he formally diagnosed her with Sensory Processing Disorder and referred me to a Pediatric Physical Therapist/Occupational Therapist. This woman was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. She taught me why Rose reacts the way she does and then would work with my daughter, while I watched, to show her activities that will help her learn to compensate and deal with the alternative way her mind works. She also recommended this brilliant book that has helped me (as well as some friends) learn why children with SPD do certain things, and how I could help her through them.

So here is your book recommendation of the day:

Understanding Your Child's Sensory Signals: A Practical Daily Use Handbook for Parents and Teachers by Angie Voss, OTR/L.








This magnificent book is an on-the-go guide to help you understanding what you're child with Sensory issues is doing. For example, my daughter chews on her hair, so I look up in the table of contents "Chews on Sleeves, Hair, Fingers, Non Food Objects" and I go to the page it recommends.  On that page, I can find out what sensory categories are triggered by this action, and explanation of why the child may be doing this, possible questions to consider, and a list of ideas on how I might help my child meet this sensory need.
THIS BOOK IS BRILLIANT. 

So if you are blessed with a child who sees and feels the world differently, there are groups, school districts, and literature that can help you bridge the gap between you and your child to where you can meet in the middle. You just have to open yourself up to looking in unusual places, and keeping your ears opened to those around you.  Good luck, and let me know what tools you've found to help your family garden succeed.

Scary Pregnancies

Pregnancy in and of itself is an unknown. Sure, I know doctors will say otherwise. But when you are going through everything for the first time everything is scary, brilliant, amazing, and new. Advice will come in from every corner of the earth (including those who have never been pregnant) and be prepared for everyone wanting to touch your belly. Sometimes the knowledge people impart can be overwhelming and confusing.

One of the best recommendations I have that helped me when I was going through pregnancy is a book. (Being a writer myself I am highly addicted to books, so be prepared for lots of forthcoming book recommendations.) 

Fearless Pregnancy: Wisdom and Reassurance From a Doctor, a Midwife and a Mom by Victoria Clayton, Stuart Fischbein, and Joyce Weckl.



This book was a life savor. All of my pregnancies were high risk due to Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome,  Anti-Cardio Anti-Lipid Bodies (a blood clotting disorder), gestational diabetes, and preeclampsia (twice), plus being overweight didn't help either. This meant I had to be on heparin shots for the entire pregnancy, metformin, and a bunch of other junk. It required regular blood tests (some times weekly) and a myriad of other exams to make sure my health and my babies were okay. Any time I didn't understand something my doctor was saying, or they name of the next test I would have to take, I would whip at this book to better understand it. What I loved most was that it did come from three varied perspectives and even covered a lot of the myths during pregnancy (i.e. will dying my hair hurt the baby, etc.).   

So, if you are a first time mom (or even a recurring mom) then I recommend getting this book to help you through the many questions.  Then, tell me what you think.