The Day I Did Nothing

My mom called this morning as I was getting my children ready for school. She asked, "What are you going to do today?"

"Nothing," I replied. "Today is the first day this week that all three kids have gone to school. I am going to recuperate and have some much needed down time. Besides, I have critique group tonight and want to save up my energy for that."

So what have I done today?

I did nothing but wake up an hour before my children in order to set out their breakfast, and their clothes, and establish a time frame that fits with their daily special needs routine, so that I could handle facing the day with optimism in-spite of a 6 day migraine.

I did nothing but rely on my husband for help when getting the children up and ready was more than my sleep deprived body could handle, then kissed him tenderly and whispered, "Please come home safely" as he walked out the door to catch a train to work.

I did nothing as I made sure my kids wore clothes appropriate for their schools walk-a-thon, wore sunglasses, hats, water and sent them out the door with kisses, hugs, jokes, and a prayer for their safe return.

I did nothing as I listened to religious talks on my Kindle while playing several rousing rounds of Mario Kart 8 all by myself.

I did nothing as I dug out my husband's tools and attempted the electrical feat of fixing both ceiling fans in my children's rooms while kneeling on my kids' beds on the top bunk on a knee recovering from surgery in attempt to obliterate the annoying knocking sound they produced.

I did nothing as I watched two episodes of a documentary on legendary castles of England as I sorted through old files to discard product manuals for products we haven't had in years all while icing my leg in hopes to minimize the swelling from working on the ceiling fans.

I did nothing as I unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher just so we could have clean cups.

I did nothing as I moved over the load of laundry while waiting for my youngest son's bus from preschool to arrive.

I did nothing as I de-thawed and baked chicken in preparation for making chicken salad for my lunch for tomorrow.

I did nothing as I set out the trash on the back porch, eagerly waiting my husband's help at the end of the day to take it the rest of the way out to the dumpster.

I did nothing as I sat on our back porch swing eating my lunch of leftovers while watching my 4 year old practice cursive writing as we waited for my 6 year old's kindergarten bus to arrive.

I did nothing as I constantly replay the broken record of MANNERS to my children.

I did nothing as I broke up two pro-wrestling toddlers from their daily recurring matches.

I did nothing as I read a book about a librarian chasing the gingerbread man in order to get him back in his book while my son ate his lunch.

I did nothing as I continued the daily attempt at potty training my autistic kindergartner.

I did nothing as I braved getting out play-doh for my 4 yr old to hack, maim, and create, praying all the while it doesn't fall on the floor, get stepped on, or be eaten by my 6 yr old.

I did nothing as I grieved with friends and loved ones in what ways I could (though minor), hopefully relieving even an ounce of their stress and struggles as they go through watching a love one with cancer, going through a divorce, or making a major move.

I did nothing as I researched into ways to improve being a parent, a healthier eater, a kinder person, and a better writer, to deal with my ADHD and read uplifting stories on parents dealing with special needs children.

I did nothing as I worked on our finances in an attempt to make $10 last 9 days.

I did nothing as I talked on and off with my husband through instant message to coordinate, to cheer one another, and just to let him know I care.

And that is only up to lunchtime.......

From here I must do nothing so that when my daughter comes home from school I can help her check for sunburns from their walk-a-thon, keep all three kids hydrated on a warm day, while trying to explain once again why we cannot go play out front, and arguing with their logic that the backyard is not interesting enough.

To help them with their homework when every sight, sound, and touch of air distracts them and overwhelms their ability to think spiraling them into a whirlwind of emotions that they do not understand and therefore fear.

To attempt to feed my children, who will willingly starve rather than eat anything that is a combined texture, or "looks wrong". 

To hug my sweet husband as he comes home from a long commute after a long day of work. To tag team our children into taking baths.

To keep the children from fighting over the Kindles and who is not sharing this time.

Then, I can finally do nothing as I clean myself up, pull my hair back, and put on my writing hat as I go off to critique group where dragons are born and darlings are killed all for the benefit of weaving a hopefully brilliantly crafted story. All to be later edited in the week on the only computer available, an ancient beast in our bedroom because my laptop died a month ago. But at the same time be lifted by like minded souls with their own struggles who get my quirky antics, get my love for my family, and get me.

So yeah, I often plan on spending a day accomplishing nothing, but have you ever seen something so wonderful and beautiful and filling as keeping a family alive, hopefully flourishing, and not killing each other. I have NEVER EVER felt more exhausted & accomplished then when I am doing nothing.

Sweet Relief

Two of my little ones were hit with a chest cold this weekend and my sweet husband is on the verge of it himself. So this morning he was able to call a wonderful woman to cover for him leading music during Sacrament meeting. Then he offered to stay home with the kids so that I could attend church all by myself. When I started driving to church I started having a panic attack.  I tried to convince myself that I was going to be okay, I mean I didn't have to deal with my three kids after all.  But still, I was shaky, a bit panicked, and nearly drove home to get an anxiety pill or even to cave and just stay home.

But I still made it to church without turning around. I parked in the back so that I could make a quick getaway after the women's meeting. When I made my way up to the front foyer I saw one of these sweet sisters that I've known since we first moved into the neighborhood over five years ago. She walked up to me, took me by the hand and said, "You don't know just how much I have been thinking about you this last week."

This sweet lady held me and told me how wonderful a job I was doing with my kids and how special I must be to God for him to have sent me three such uniquely special children. Then another sister came up and the first took her by the hand and the second looked at me and said, "I've been thinking so much about you since your testimony last week."  And together this two grandmotherly women kept warming my heart with the love and sincere tender thoughts they had for me. Then they offered to watch my kids at any point so that I could have a break to run away for a hot chocolate and a walk. I told them that my kids were in school three days a week in the morning, but that I was grateful for their offer. The second sister said, "I love  taking care of special needs children." I was overwhelmed with the kind thoughts and generous hearts of these women

Then I went into the chapel to sit on our normal pew.  I figured since I was alone I would scoot to the far end so that I could share it with anyone who needed a seat. Then my deer friend who sits in front of us (her daughters are our babysitters) offered for me to join them. A few moments later an older couple came in behind us and asked if the bench were saved for anyone. I told them we usually sit there, but as I was alone I was glad for them to take the bench.  As the woman sat down she looked at me closer and said, "I've been thinking about you....."

I then had a wonderful experience in Sunday School learning much as we were introduced to studying the New Testament again this year. I was so touched and learned some things I didn't know, even though I've studied these scriptures before.  Then I went to Relief Society and was again spiritually fed.

When I got home I felt more peace than I've had in months. I gave my husband a huge kiss, and hugged my children a little closer. I put in an after lunch movie for the kids and was holding my sick Rose when the phone rang. It was the first sister from church. "So when can we babysit on Wednesday? How's 8 am - 5 pm sound?" 

My jaw dropped. I explained that my kids had school in the morning, but she still offered for her and her friend to come over in the afternoon so I could run away for some me time.  My heart is filled to the brim with love and gratitude for this day, for this experience, and for these amazing women that God has sent to me to help when times are rough.  Today I am truly blessed.
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The Power of Quiet Time. . . .

I get the point of quiet time.  I rally do. I'm just waiting for my kids to get.  For the last two weeks we've regularly taken quiet time immediately after lunch. Its not that my kids really need to nap, in fact only 1 out of 3 takes a nap some of the time.  But we've still had quiet time because Mommy needs the break. So I give Rose an old game boy to play with, I give Cyprus my Kindle and let him fight it out with Juniper as to which one gets it and which one plays with the Legos.  Then I turn off all the lights, put up all the security gates in the house.  Then I go downstairs, plug in my earplugs and pretend that the kids are actually asleep.  At that point I either play mindless video games or clean the carpet depending on my mood.

But as for it actually being "quiet time" I just have to laugh.  I'm going to start keeping a tally board at how many times my daughter calls me from upstairs upset about something or desperate for help with the game. Then there's the physical abuse known as brothers wrestling as they fight over the Kindle or just the air they breathe or because one looked at the other the wrong way.  They simply seem to fight over anything and everything.

No matter what though I need that break.  I might have to take up actually going in the back yard with ear phones in and weed or something so that I really can't hear the screaming.  So my one bit of advice for other mom's is the same one I took from another author mom. . .it doesn't matter what the kids do in their room during quiet time, but make sure mom gets that time no matter what. It will become your sanity saver.

Back from Hiatus

I ended up not posting Thursday and Friday of last week because I was sequestered in a cabin in beautiful Heber Valley working on the draft 3 changes to a magical realism book I am working on.  It was a beautiful, glorious weekend with some amazing other women writers.  I totally lost at foosball and speed pool, but enjoyed every  minute.  


I am grateful for an incredible husband who worked from home and took care of all five kids because he knew how much his wife is addicted to writing.Yep. I've got a good man.  I'm also incredibly grateful for what an amazing dad he is. I'm glad his boys could be with us to celebrate Father's Day.  I'm sad that they are going home, but am grateful for the time we could spend with them.


So now its back to reality and writing. I still have a lot more changes to make to the story and a lot more time needing to spend with my kids.  Here's praying I find the happy balance.

Swinging Work with Toddlers

I'm a writer which means I don't get paid until published, and then only based upon what is getting published. It also means that I fit in work where I can. My current projects include my story of miscarriages, co-authoring a YA Fantasy novel, writing a YA Magical Realism Novel, and plotting out a YA Sci-Fi Novel. The problem is I am a mom.


I don't regret being a mom. Its what I wanted to be more than anything. So I've been trying to figure out for the last six years how to balance two of my loves - writing and kids. It hasn't always been successful.  Today, while two of the kids were at school, I put on Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs 2 for Juniper and handed him my Kindle to play games. Then I spent the next two and half hours on and off reviewing story structure videos on-line and re-outlining my Magical Realism novel. I'm doing what prep work I can for a writer's retreat next month. I will have two and a half days away from my family to get as much work done as I can.


I was so involved in my work that after Rose and Cyprus got home I loaded them up with movies and games and kept on working. I was able to identify the gaps in my story and how to strengthen my character and plot arcs.  I still have two more weeks of work to plan out in order to get the optimum amount of writing done at the retreat.  My kids weren't exactly thrilled with me, but no one got injured, there was only minor fighting, and everyone got fed.  So overall I think it was a good day.  (Granted I'm sure they wouldn't be so cooperative with me if I tried this every day.)


Thanks kids. I appreciate you patience so that Mommy could accomplish so much.