For the last several weeks I have struggled, well in all honesty since my three year old gave me a concussion, with depression and anxiety. I have panic attacks going to book club or to church activities or even being home alone with my kids, but I can be totally content out in public surrounded by strangers who don't talk to me. I freak out that I'm not going to be good enough, that in-spite of all that I learned and all that I know, that I'm going to fail. Life can be overwhelming, especially when you feel like you are no longer in control.
But in all the panicking and the health issues and the constant ambiguousness of life I've come to see amazing things. I see courage in other people. I saw courage in the eyes of a little girl who apologized to my daughter for something. I see courage in my stepsons who keep placing one step in front of another, even when its hard to know which direction to travel. I see courage in a friend who is facing a difficult past. I see courage in family members who keep going forward even when life hands them more twists and turns than they think they can handle.
You may or may not believe in a Heavenly Father or God. Then again you may. I for one do, though there is so much that I do not understand. But one thing I have learned through my trails is that I have the opportunity to learn so much from them. And during these struggles of health, worry for my family, and depression is that I am surrounded by amazing people that I can learn from. And for one, I thank my Heavenly Father for taking such great care in introducing me to each and every individual. I am grateful for their courage and their love and friendship.
And most of all I'm grateful for every morning and every stressful, glorious moment with my children. I may not understand why I am going through the trails that I am, but I'm going to make sure that I learn the most while I'm here. And I guess that means that I have my own version of courage each and every day.
No comments:
Post a Comment