Enjoy the Special Moments

One of the major things that helps me survive Mommyhood is enjoying those special moments when the kids do something that makes your jaw drop because its so cute, or sweet, or incredible.  This week in preparation for Mother's Day Rose and Cyprus have been working on special presents at school. Cyprus brought me a beautiful little pot of mixed herbs and my daughter had to complete a questionnaire about her Mommy (with some help) and then painted me a watercolor picture of myself.

When she handed them to me so was so worried as to whether or not I would like them. I think they are absolutely adorable -- though, for the record, some of the questions she answered on the questionnaire are things that she likes, not necessarily what mommy likes. In other questions she was highly intuitive. But no matter what I love each of these presents very, very much.

My kids are miracles in my life. For the longest time I didn't even think I would be able to have children. And when we did, it was difficult to get them here. Sometimes it still feels difficult now that they're here, but I'm incredibly grateful that they are a part of my world. It is a blessing I wasn't sure I would ever have and I wouldn't change being a Mommy for anything. And as I tell my daughter every morning when I drop her off at school, "I love you more than infinity."

Patience is a Hard Virtue to Learn

Early last year I was on depression medicine for post-partum depression. The only problem with that is that any medicine we tried I would soon show EVERY SINGLE side effect. My brain would shut off. I couldn't remember words to songs that I sang to my children every day since they were born. I even put a security lock on the inside of an opened window, so instead of my kids not being able to open the window, we weren't able to close the window. Smart, huh?


I also got the fun side-effect of having hallucinations. Let me tell you, its a bit disconcerting to be taking a shower and suddenly be soaring through a cave filled with dinosaur fossils. Or to even be taking a nap and wake up to find your room floating in water and a mermaid in your face with a sea dragon by her side. I even saw the water rippling and fish swimming around.


One of the worst side effects was that I was dizzy. This ended up with me falling down the stairs in our house twice, both times while carrying a child. One of those times I even plowed into a security gate at the base of the stairs, knocking it off the stairs and falling the rest of the down until I landed on top of the gate. Of course mother instinct had kicked in and I protected the child but I suffered from massive bruises everywhere (including on my ear).


After that I got off the depression medicine. The side effects just weren't for me. My husband is on depression meds and he doesn't get the side effects, so I'm not saying you should never take them. I'm saying judge for yourself.


Anyway, a few weeks after the last fall, I went to pick up my Juniper in the middle of the night and felt/heard a large pop in my back. I screamed. The pain was intense. The next morning I couldn't feel my right leg and any time I tried to climb the stairs it would collapse out from under me. Frank took me to the hospital where I had an MRI. I had ruptured a disc in my back. My doctor immediately recommended me to a spinal specialist.


So in April of last year, a few weeks shy of Rose turning 5, I had back surgery. My husband was left at home with an almost 5 year old, a 3 year old, and a one year old the whole time I was in the hospital. (Which he's done before and makes him even more so my hero.) When I awoke from surgery the doctor told me that when the disc had ruptured some of the debris floated down several inches and compressed my spine, which caused me to lose the feeling in my leg. I was told that I would need physical therapy, but that even then it would take a minimum of six months to a year for  me to start getting feeling in my leg again.


Well, for many reasons, this last year has been really really hard. I did physical therapy for a while, but then we switched insurances and simply couldn't afford the therapy anymore.  And a lot of emotional crap has happened too.


It has only been in the last month and a half that I've felt capable of getting back into the swing of things emotionally/psychologically. And only in the last few months have a started to get periodic pains in my leg to show that the nerves are starting to regenerate.


This whole time has been really hard on my kids as well. They don't understand why Mommy can't do certain things and they get really frustrated with me for it. Often times I have lost my temper because of it, wishing that they could be more compassionate for my trials. But they're just toddlers - cute ones at that. So I'm learning that as much as I struggle with patience so do my kids. And that's a hard mix to deal with.


So each day, as I'm continuing to heal physically/emotionally/psychologically I am learning to try and take a breath and calm down before a react to whatever my kids are doing/not doing.  It doesn't always work. But I've also learned that a camera can come in handy. If I'm angry with the kids because I'm tired and they've drawn on the wall for the fifth time in as many months. I go grab the camera and take a picture. That allows me a chance to not instantly lash out, but try and find perspective. It also gives me blackmail photos against my kids later in life.


So if you're like me and struggling with health issues & patience while trying to be a good Mom, then make sure you take a moment to breathe. And if necessary, put your child somewhere safe for a few moments and step outside for some fresh air and perspective.  Good luck. I'm rooting for you.

Don't Go It Alone

Being a Mom is hard work and in all honesty there are some days that I just break down and cry. There have been a lot of these days lately with struggles with my Mom's cancer, my parents' ensuing divorce, and trying to communicate with two specially created kids and one beautifully terrible two toddler. Oh and through in being on experimental levels of hormone therapy and you have an amazing time bomb waiting to happen.


Usually when I'm that stressed I turn to chocolate, but for now, for health reasons, I am on a highly restricted diet that makes it hard to do emotional eating. Which is good, right? Right?  I'm still debating that.


So when food isn't an option, and probably even if it is, its important to lean on family and friends. We have no family living near us and my best friend is several states away (definitely out of hug reach). As such, I find solace in my church friends/family and, funny enough, through Facebook. I have an amazing support group and when I'm down they tend to say (or type) the right thing that I need to hear at that moment.


For example, my daughter is like me (poor girl), if she's tired or hungry then she's irritable. And now that she's six I can see that when she is not handling life well, it is for one of these reasons. But how do you get a six year old to understand that her Mom is the same way?  I haven't found out this trick yet.


Another example, my sweet Autistic four year old does not seem to get "no" or any idea of limits. He also sees no barriers. If he can't reach something that he think looks interesting he will work tirelessly at creating methods of trying to get it until he does.  In fact, I think I need someone to design me an autistic centered-child proof house.  We also have a water table out back for the kids to play with. This kid is so creative that he's decided that his sister's stuffed dolphin and whales need to take a swim. No matter how many times or ways that I try to help him understand that stuffed animals aren't meant to take a dive I will still find a wet dolphin or whale laying on the grass next to/or sometimes still in the water table.


And then there's my little Juniper. He is an amazing two year old and he's good at it, but he's still humorous and huggable. But last week I went away for a couple days to a writer's convention and ever since I got back he hits me, on and off through the entire day to get back at me for leaving. And if he doesn't get his well he will bodily throw himself on the floor flailing in an artistic tantrum.


I love these kids more than my life. I wouldn't trade them for anything. But that doesn't change the fact that sometimes they are hard to deal with.  There are even some days I feel like a non-entity--like I'm their mommy-cyborg.  After a day of dealing with that I just want to sit down and cry (and often do).


That's when I talk to my friends, call my mom or mom-in-law, or post a request for advice on Facebook (especially the Autistic Support Group), and cry on my husband's shoulder.  If you have good friends/family they will say the thing that will give you the momentum to pick yourself up and to keep going. So please, don't ever try to endure being a Mom alone, even if you are a single Mom. Look for those around you that can provide the support you need to keep going. We're all in it together, one way or another.  Good luck - and could someone eat some chocolate for me please?

Building A Love for Science

I am a writer and a reader. Math and Science are not my specialties, but I have been helping a friend test out candy experiments for a sequel to her first book - Candy Experiments.





The experiments in this book, as well as the new ones I have been lucky enough to test for her, bring science into the home in a fun and exciting way. Plus, it teaches kids that they can do more things with candy than just eat it.  We've soaked, baked, microwaved, frozen, and much more to chocolate, gummy worms, jawbreakers, Skittles and more, just to see the chemical reactions that take place when we do it. The kids learn to document their findings and learn the science behind it all.


As a family we've been doing these experiments for several months now and you should see Rose's face light up as she'll come running into the kitchen and ask me, "Mom, can we do more science?"  This from a 6 year old.  She's even told her teacher she is planning on becoming a scientist.  I love it.  How often do you see that kind of excitement.  And you know what? I love doing it too. I'm learning amazing new things and have a chance to make my kids happy.  I call that a Win-Win.


To see my book review of the first Candy Experiments book click here: Candy Experiments.

Do It Yourself

I have an amazing, supportive husband and have been told many times by other couples what a unique find he is. I agree. He is pretty special. One of the things I love most about Frank is that he loves to teach our children how to do things. If he has to go down in the crawl space under our house to fix a pipe or start the waterline to the swamp cooler, then he takes Rose with him. If there are home repairs to be done, he gets the kids to help.  Last year he even planted strawberries out of our front window and had our daughter help with the whole process.


One of the things that I love most that he does for Daddy/Kid time is he'll take Rose and sometimes even Cyperus to the Kids Workshops at Home Depot held the first Saturday of every month. They LOVE it. They get to do mini projects, have their own child-sized Home Depot aprons, and come home with pins to keep on their apron.  Frank took Rose this last weekend and she came home with the most beautiful flower stand, complete with a miniature potted planted.


These special weekend events are a great way for kids to learn to do things for themselves, and some great one-on-one time with a Mom or Dad.


For more information click here: Home Depot Kid Workshops.

It's all about the Finish!

Being a writer I get the chance to meet some pretty amazing people who happen to also be writers. The great thing about that is that I can soak up all their experience and knowledge and use it to help me survive and thrive.

One of my friends is just such a person. Betsy Schow released a book last year titled Finished being Fat: An Accidental Adventure in Losing Weight and Learning How to Finish.


If you would like to read my review of her book click here: Finished Being Fat.  Now, you might think, "Oh no, not another WEIGHT LOSS book." 

Go back and read the tag line beyond the title. The main concept of this book is to find those things in our lives that we keep undone, things that we say we will get to someday, and then to actually do them.  Betsy happened to lose weight while she was learning this lesson.

For me, I am learning to make sure that I finish things that I start with my kids. Now, I'm not always 100% successful at this, but it is important for them and for me that things get finished.

If I promise my kids something, then I need to follow through. If I commit to doing something, then I need to do it (world Apocalypse interference an exception).  This book nudged me done the path of starting to deal with my postpartum depression last year,  keeps me writing, got me up and moving after back surgery, taking archery, and doing so many other things. It is because of this book that I take my kids to the park when we're all having a bad day. And its because of this book that I periodically am able to look into the things that I am unhappy with about myself and I make a decision to change that. Then I work to follow through.

So thanks Betsy - for being an awesome friend, mentor, and finisher.

The Elephant in the Room

For a mom who has issues with conflict, there's actually quite a few talks out there that I am not looking forward too. In fact, I started talking openly about anatomy with Rose since she was two in hopes that I would get over my fears to the point that the "sex talk" will be a breeze. (Ha, still working on that one.)


One of the scariest topics to discuss with your children is the pornography talk. And I'm honestly terrified to bring it up. I've seen people struggle with a pornography addiction and it is hard road to travel for everyone involved. So I want my kids to be prepared. But how the heck to you bring it up and when?


Well, I know some AWESOME people who wrote an amazing book called Good Pictures, Bad Pictures.



I know one of the authors & the illustrator and they are incredible ladies. I am beyond grateful that they created this book. The first part explains to the parents about the dangers of pornography and how it can affect kids as early as 7 years old. The second part is presented in a story format with beautiful illustrations that you can read with you kids and explains how pornography can affect a developing brain. It's clear, concise, and well done.


Now I have a six year old, and the thought terrifies me that in less than a year she could be a statistic. So I ordered this book and as soon as I started reading it and Rose immediately comes up and asks, "What's good pictures/bad pictures?" I gave her a high overview and told her that as soon as Dad and I read the book and talked about it that I would read it with her.  I couldn't believe how easily she approached me about it and wanted to talk about it.

Thank you to these three wonderful ladies for making a tough discussion suddenly a lot easier.


If you want to learn more about how to inoculate your kids against porn you can also check out Kristen's blog at http://pornproofkids.com/. I highly recommend it.